上半年全市结婚16.21万对、离婚5.29万对最易起矛盾的4种家庭 In the city of 162100 in the first half of marriage、52900 the most easily to divorce the contradiction of four kinds of family

　　

最易惹纠纷的10句话 对比看看，你有没有 The most easily provoked dispute 10 words contrast to see see，Have you ever

　　昨日，来自市婚姻登记中心的数据显示，今年上半年，全市有162100对有情人结婚、52920对夫妻离婚。离婚人数和去年同期相比，波动不大。但婚姻专家分析，离婚原因更加复杂，越来越“个人化”。

yesterday，From the municipal marriage registration center figures show，In the first half of this year，The city's 162100 pairs to get married、52920 couples a divorce。The number of divorces and compared with the same period last year，Fluctuation is not big。But marriage expert analysis，Divorce reason more complicated，More and more“personal”。

　　

离婚人数波动不大 The number of divorces fluctuation is not big

　　重庆晚报记者对比去年上半年、去年下半年的婚姻数据。这一年半以来，结婚和离婚的人数波动都不大。市婚姻登记中心有关负责人认为，从数据看来，近两年重庆人结婚和离婚都更趋理性。

Chongqing evening news reporters in the first half of this year compared to last year、In the second half of last year marriage data。It has been a year and a half，The number of marriage and divorce movement is not big。City officials think about marriage registration center，From the data looks，Nearly two years chongqing people marriage and divorce are more hasten is rational。

　　

吉日扎堆结婚少了 Good day gather together marry less

　　重庆人对待婚姻的态度更慎重，从“吉日”结婚的数据上也可以看出来。2008年8月8日，全市有7130对有情人结婚。2009年9月9日，结婚人数达7450对。

Chongqing people take marriage attitude more cautious，from“day”Get married on the data also can see out。On August 8, 2008，The city's 7130 pairs to get married。9 September 2009，Marry number to 7450。

　　2009年2月14日和5月20日，有市民甚至带着帐篷到渝中区婚姻登记处彻夜排队。市婚姻登记中心有关负责人表示，去年以来扎堆结婚的人渐渐少了。今年2月14日结婚5480对，比2009年少了近千对。今年“520”更是急剧下降，结婚仅897对。

February 14, 2009 and May 20，A public and even with tents to the marriage registration office in line all night yuzhong district。The head of the marriage registration center said，Since last year, gather together marry man is less。February 14, 5480 to get married，More than 2009 of the nearly young。This year“520”But also fell sharply，Get married for only 897。

　　

离婚原因越来越细微 Divorce reason more and more subtle

　　有夫妻因感情不和离婚，有人因第三者插足离婚，有人因草率结婚而分离……以往，离婚夫妇都会在婚姻登记处填写自己离婚的原因。然而，现在离婚原因越来越难以统计，因为离婚夫妇在讲述原因时，不再是简单的一句“感情不和”，原因更细微、更复杂，更个人化。“有的说是因为婆媳关系不和，有的说只是突然没有爱的感觉了，原因五花八门，背后都有自己的故事。”一名婚姻登记人员说。

Couples have feelings for with a divorce，Someone because of a third person jumping into a divorce，Someone because of hasty marriage and separation......previous，The couple will divorce in marriage registration office fill in the cause of their divorce。however，Now more and more difficult to statistical reason for divorce proceedings，Because divorce couple in the telling of reason，Is no longer a simple sentence“Feelings not”，Reason more subtle、More complex，More personal。“Some say that is because old woman daughter-in-law relation with，Some say it's just suddenly without the feeling of love，Reason is multifarious，Behind all have a story。”A marriage registration researchers said。

　　考虑到这样的变化，现在办理离婚时，婚姻登记处不再简单地统计离婚原因。比如，九龙坡区婚姻登记处设了一个离婚缓冲室，让双方静一静。婚姻家庭咨询师和他们聊聊，听听双方想法，帮忙诊断婚姻现状，看看有没有补救办法。用这种办法可抑制冲动离婚，比简单填写离婚原因更有效、更温馨。

Considering such changes，Now when handle a divorce，Marriage registration office no longer simply statistical reason for divorce proceedings。For example，Jiulongpo district marriage registration office set a divorce buffer room，Let both sides alone。Marriage and family consultants and they talk，Idea listen to both sides，Help diagnosis marriage status，See if there are any remedy。In this way they can inhibit impulse divorce，Divorce than simply fill in reason more effective、More warmth。

　　

听听孩子的声音 Listen to the voices of children

　　

如果父母相互指责、逃避或者冷漠 “他们这样相处，我会感到很难过” If the parents blamed each other、Escape or cold “They get along so，I feel very sad”

　　

父母将双手伸向对方，家庭和谐 “我想，我应该站到他们中间” Parents will both hands to each other，Family harmony “I want to，I should stand among them”

　　近日，市妇联举行暑期家庭教育讲座流动学校，重庆市女性人才学校校长李安娜详细讲解了家庭沟通技巧。

recently，The municipal women's summer family education lecture flow at school，Chongqing school principal female talent LiAnNa explains family communication skills。

　　在讲座现场，李安娜让大家模拟了4种最容易引发争吵的家庭类型：指责型、讨好型、逃避型、冷漠型。临时家庭中的孩子看完后说：“如果父母他们是这种相处方式，我会感到很难过”。而当看到父母双方将双手伸向彼此的和谐的一幕的时候，孩子说：“我想，我应该站到他们中间”。说完便笑嘻嘻的自己站到了他们的中间，还调皮地伸出了双手做出了和父母二人一样的手势。

In the lecture，LiAnNa let everybody to simulate the most prone to four quarrel family type：Accused type、Please type、avoidant、Cold type。Temporary the children of the family after see said：“If the parents are they get along the way，I feel very sad”。And when see both parents will reach each other's hands the harmony of the scene，The child said：“I want to，I should stand among them”。And then they smile happily of himself stood in their midst，Still naughty ground put out my hands to make the parents and two who gestures。

　　和谐型家庭是婚姻的最佳模式，夫妻双方地位平等，经常沟通和换位思考，能够接纳对方的优点和缺点并且欣赏对方。

Harmonious family is the best model of marriage，Both sides of husband and wife equal status，Often communication and empathy，Able to accept each other's strengths and weaknesses and appreciate each other。

　　李安娜说，很多夫妻知道两人之间有矛盾，却不知道该怎么解决。对比4种最易起矛盾的家庭类型，看看你们的矛盾属于哪种类型。

LiAnNa said，Many couples know have contradiction between two people，But don't know how to solve。Contrast the most easily up four contradictions family type，Look at your contradictions belong to type。

　　家庭中最易起纠纷的10句话，你是否也脱口而出。如果吵架中你这样说，另一半会是什么感受？

The family of the most vulnerable of the disputes 10 words，Do you blurt out。If the argument you say so，The other half is what feeling？

　　

指责型 你对我不好 Accused type in your bad for me

　　红灯语言：“你赚钱怎么这么少！”、“你对我不好！”、“你这样太窝囊了！”

Red light language：“How do you make money so little！”、“You bad for me！”、“You so too timid！”

　　红灯家庭：出现指责型矛盾的往往是80后、家庭条件较好、父母宠爱的独生子女夫妻。

Red light family：There is often accused of contradiction after 80、Family conditions are good、Parents' favorite one-child husband and wife。

　　红灯性格：这种人往往自我意识较强，对自己很自信、不太容易考虑对方的感受，不会理解和包容。指责型矛盾往往表现为眼里只有对方的缺点，哪壶不开提哪壶。

Red light character：Such people often self awareness is strong，So sure of yourself、Not too easy to consider the other person's feelings，Not understanding and tolerance。Accused type contradiction is often shown as only the weaknesses of the other eye，Which pot does not open mention which pot。

　　红灯感受(赵文：男、40岁、自由职业者)：如果我遇到了，我会觉得对方不够成熟，不够理解我，但是我会忍让，因为等对方成熟了就不会说出这样的话了。

Red light feeling(ZhaoWen：male、40 years old、freelancers)：If I meet，I'll feel that they are not mature enough，Not understand me，But I'll tolerance，Because such each other mature won't say such things。

　　

解决方式：降低期望值 换位思考 solution：Reduce the perspective-taking expectations

　　指责的根源往往是对对方有过高的期待，而解决这种矛盾首先要放低期待，不要想到对方能够满足你的所有要求，能马上改掉你在意的缺点。此外，要注意换位思考，想想自己的不足。

The root of the accused is often the opposite party has the high expectations，To solve the contradiction and first to lower expectations，Don't think of each other can meet all the requirements of you，Can you care about the shortcomings of change immediately。In addition，To pay attention to the perspective-taking，Think about their own problems。

　　

讨好型 求求你不要离开我 Please type beg you don't leave me

　　红灯语言：“都怪我做得不好！”、“求求你不要离开我！”

Red light language：“I'm to blame do well！”、“Please don't leave me！”

　　红灯家庭：这种矛盾通常出现在一方经济或社会地位大大高于另一方的家庭中，没有话语权的一味讨好另一方。

Red light family：This kind of contradiction usually in the party economic or social status are much higher than the other side of the family，No voice of the other party schmooze。

　　红灯性格：夫妻中一方往往性格自卑，没有自己的圈子，长期以对方为中心，失去自我。而强势的一方会更瞧不起弱的一方，弱的一方长期得不到肯定，就非常抑郁，产生矛盾。

Red light character：A party who often character of inferiority，No self circle，Long-term in each other as the center，Losing yourself。And strong party will be more look down upon weaker party，Weaker party long-term disapproval，Depression is very，contradictory。

　　红灯感受(陈涵露：女、32岁、外资银行客户经理)：如果对方在闹矛盾时说出这样的话，我会觉得他很烦，很没有男子气概，更加瞧不起他。心里想：我当初怎么会看上他？

Red light feeling(ChenHanLou：female、32 years old、Foreign capital bank customer manager)：If the other party when the conflict is make to say such a thing，I think he is very vexed，Is not manly，More look down upon him。In the mind to think：How could I had sees in him？

　　

解决方式：活出自我价值 相互认可 solution：To live out the self value mutual recognition

　　弱的一方应该活出自我价值，有自己的事业和圈子，让对方需要自己。而强势的一方应该认可对方的能力，认可对方对家庭的贡献，学会赞美对方。

Weaker party should live out self value，Have their own career and circle，Let the other side to her。And strong party should recognize each other's ability，Recognition of the contribution of each family，Learn to praise each other。

　　

逃避型 这家我呆不下去了 Escape from the I stay not go down type

　　红灯语言：“我彻底受不了了！”、“这个家我呆不下去了！”、“这日子没法过了！”

Red light language：“I can't stand it thoroughly！”、“The house I stay up！”、“This day not lead！”

　　红灯家庭：逃避型矛盾一般出现在文化水平或社会层次较低的家庭，一方受不了另一方的唠叨或虐待，就选择离家出走或另外寻找婚外情。

Red light family：Avoidant contradictions generally appear in the cultural level or social low level family，One party can't stand the other party's nagging or abuse，Choose to run away from home or other looking for an affair。

　　红灯性格：在矛盾中喜欢逃避的人性格通常比较怯懦、胆小，遇到事情不敢积极面对，而采用消极逃避的方式。

Red light character：In conflicts like to escape is usually the person disposition of cowardice、timid，Meet things can't face actively，And the negative way of escape。

　　红灯感受(邓帆：男、33岁、媒体从业人员)：我最厌烦的就是这种方式，每次想沟通就走，“你到底哪次走是真的，哪次是假的？”久而久之会很疲惫。

Red light feeling(DengFan：male、33 years old、Media professionals)：I'm the most boring is this way，Every time want to communicate and then go，“You exactly which times go is true，What time is false？”Long time will be very tired。

　　

解决方式： solution：

　　互相沟通 逃避不是办法 夫妻双方要意识到任何问题需要在家庭内解决，离家出走或寻找第三者都不仅不利于解决问题，反而深化矛盾。夫妻俩在产生矛盾之后应该先互相沟通，离开不能解决任何问题。

Communication is not the proper way to escape from both sides of husband and wife to realize that any problems need to be resolved within the family，Run away or looking for a third party are not conducive to solve the problem，But deepen contradiction。Both the husband and wife in a contradiction each other after should first communication，Leave doesn't solve any problems。

　　

冷漠型 你少管，不关你的事 You ShaoGuan type indifference，It's none of your business

　　红灯语言：“你少管！”、“不关你的事！”

Red light language：“You ShaoGuan！”、“It's none of your business！”

　　红灯家庭：冷漠型一般出现在知识分子家庭或社会层次较高的家庭，双方都有独立的生活能力，在对方有错时不愿提出自己的想法，用冷漠来表现出不削的态度。李安娜说，冷漠型其实就是冷暴力，是最危险的一种婚姻关系，也是最难化解的矛盾。

Red light family：Cold type generally appear in intellectual family or social level higher family，Both sides are independent life ability，In the other side has a mistake is not willing to put forward their ideas，With indifference to show not cut attitude。LiAnNa said，Cold type is actually cold violence，Is one of the most dangerous marriage relationship，Are the hardest to defuse conflict。

　　红灯性格：性格往往比较孤傲，瞧不起别人，而且有一定的“精神洁癖”。

Red light character：Character is often aloof，Look down on others，And there are certain“Spirit cleanliness”。

　　红灯感受(邓晓娟：女、34岁、学校教师)：如果遇到这种冷暴力，我会更加胡思乱想，产生更多矛盾。

Red light feeling(DengXiaoJuan：female、34 years old、The school teachers)：If meet this kind of cold violence，I'll be more fancy，Produce more contradiction。

　　

解决方式：愿热吵不要冷脸相对 solution：May hot noisy don't cold face relatively

　　“宁愿热吵不要冷脸相对。”一方对另一方有意见，应该直接告诉对方，不应该采取冷漠的方式让对方来猜，这样矛盾只会越积越深，最后到无法挽留的地步。

“Would rather hot noisy don't cold face relatively。”One party to the other party shall have the opinion，Should tell each other，Should not take cold way to make each other to guess，Such contradictions will only accumulate more deep，The last to the point of not to stay。

　　

孩子3岁 3 years old children

　　

就知道你在干什么 Knew you doing

　　重庆市女性人才学校校长李安娜说，离婚其实对孩子的影响最大。实验表明孩子从3岁起就明确的知道了父母在干什么，父母的不良行为，会对他们产生很不好的影响。

Chongqing school principal female talent LiAnNa said，Divorce to the biggest influence in children。Experiments show that the child from the age of three on the clear know parents doing，The parents bad behavior，For they will have a bad influence。

　　李安娜曾经为一对母女进行过心理咨询，这对母女关系很不好，女儿经常无缘无故责骂母亲。李安娜说，经过深入交谈她了解到，在女儿5岁时，父母吵架后母亲当着女儿的面将一个陌生男子带回家并显得很亲密，而这一切被女儿看在眼里。“女儿从那时起就有了对母亲反感的意识，一直不喜欢母亲，而母亲却以为女儿还小不懂事，全然不知。”

LiAnNa once for a woman and a psychological consultation，The relationship between mother and daughter is very bad，Daughter often mother scolded for no reason。LiAnNa said，After in-depth talk about her，In the age of five daughters，Parents fight in the face of the mother after his daughter will be a strange man brought it home and seemed very close，And this all be daughter see in the eye。“Daughter from then on the mother resent the consciousness，Always don't like her mother，And my mother but thought her daughter still small doesn't know any better，Was completely unaware of the。”

　　

离婚前 Before a divorce

　　

告诉孩子4件事 Tell children 4 thing

　　父母离异对孩子造成伤害已数见不鲜。如何与孩子谈及父母离婚，李安娜给出了4点建议。

Parents divorced cause damage to the child has ShuJianBuXian。You and your child about parents divorce，LiAnNa four Suggestions are given。

　　1、必须把孩子当成家庭的一员，家庭中发生的事，孩子有权了解。在离婚前一个月告知孩子父母要离婚的消息比较恰当，这样孩子有时间去调节适应。

1、The children must be as part of a family，What happened in the family，Children have the right to know。In the divorce one month before the child of parents to divorce told news more appropriate，This child have the time to adjust to adjust。

　　2、许多调皮或者成绩不好的孩子在父母离婚后很自责，认为父母离婚是自己的错。所以，夫妻离婚前一定要告诉孩子离婚不是孩子的错，父母离婚之后依然会疼爱他。

2、Many naughty or bad grades children in their parents' divorce very remorse，Think that parents divorce is the fault of their own。so，Husband and wife before a divorce must tell children divorce is not the fault of the child，After her parents divorced will still love him。

　　3、不要在孩子的面前指责都是对方的错，让孩子产生仇视感。

3、In front of the children don't blame is the fault of the other party，Let children produce hate feeling。

　　4、让孩子清楚父母离婚后他(她)跟着谁，住在哪儿，他(她)的东西放在哪儿，父母什么时候去看他(她)等细节问题，让孩子有安全感。(记者 田晓 谈露洁 见习记者 李琅 实习生 梁亚男)

4、Let the child clear after her parents divorced him(she)Who followed，Live where，he(she)Things in，When parents go to see him(she)Details such as，Let children have safe feeling。(Reporter TianXiao talk about dew clean trainee reporter li lakefront YaNan intern beam)