80后独一代，陆续为人母为人父，他们当中，不少人选择生育二胎 80 one generation,[tr] [td] has been,Among them,Many people choose birth two foetuses

从独生子女家庭成长起来的他们，要面临大宝小宝争宠等系列问题 From only-child families grow up they,Face dabao small treasure dispute bestows favor, etc. Series of problems

怀“小宝”时，多数家长对“大宝”心存愧疚 conceived"Small treasure"when,Most of the parents to"dabao"Be guilty

　　每次出差回家，门“吧嗒”一声打开的瞬间，是张先生最得意的时刻。

Every time I'm home,door"click"A sound open moment,Is Mr. Zhang's proudest moment.

　　“爸爸，抱抱！”两岁女儿嗲声嗲气的话音刚落，六岁儿子急切地呼唤又传来：“爸爸，抱抱！”

"dad,hug!"Two years old daughter dia acoustic dia gas voice just fell,Six year old son anxiously call and spread:"dad,hug!"

　　这种被需要感让张先生很受用：“家有二宝，幸福双份！”但如何协调两个孩子的微妙关系时，张先生又经常觉得很困惑。

The need to feeling let Mr. Zhang is very useful:"Home has two treasure,Double happiness!"But how to coordinate the relationship between two children,Mr. Zhang and often feel puzzled.

　　像张先生这样的80后独一代，已经陆续走上舞台，成家立业，承担起为人父为人母的角色。他们当中，不少人选择了生育二胎。

Like Mr. Zhang such 80 after one generation,Have walked on stage in succession,A fond memory,Assume for parent for the role of a mother.Among them,Many people choose the birth two foetuses.

　　自己身为独生子女，却要养育两个孩子。

Myself being the only child,But raising two children.

　　如何平衡大宝小宝的情感投入？又如何解决两宝的争宠矛盾？80后独一代父母面临着养育二胎的新问题。

How to balance the emotional input dabao small treasure?And how to solve the contradiction between the two treasure dispute bestows favor?After 80 the generation of parents faced with two foetuses raising new questions.

　　张先生的儿子今年刚上小学一年级，两岁女儿还没上幼儿园。

Mr Zhang's son this year just elementary school grade one,Two years old daughter is not in kindergarten.

　　当他左手圈住二十斤的女儿，右手圈住六十斤的儿子时，两宝带来的教育负担在心中焦灼翻腾。

When he left hand ring live 20 jins daughter,The right hand ring live 60 jin son,Two treasure brings education burden in the heart was deeply worried.

　　张先生知道，儿子早已过了黏人的年纪，平时怎么威逼利诱都不肯抱一抱，是女儿的那声“抱抱”成了导火索，点燃了儿子心中的小情绪，这个小情绪里包含了太多微妙。张先生以父亲的本能感觉到，这种小情绪有很大比重的负面成分，他曾动用过能想到的所有说教，但效果不理想。他有些无奈，不知道该怎么帮儿子驱逐这种小情绪，就像他面对兄妹俩相处的一些琐事，同样无奈。

Mr. Zhang know,Son had had sticky people age,How does the peacetime coerced refused to embrace a hold,Daughter is the sound"hug"Became fuse,Lit the son of small emotional heart,The little emotional contains too many subtle.Mr. Zhang to father's instinctive feel,This small emotions have a large proportion of the negative composition,He had used can think of all the sermon,But the effect is not ideal.Some of his helpless,Don't know how to help son out this small mood,As he faces a brother and sister both get along with some trifles,The same but.

　　自己并没有和兄弟姐妹相处的切身经验，却要养育一对兄弟姐妹，协调他们的关系，这对像张先生一样的独生子女家长群体来说，是个很大的挑战。

I didn't get along and brothers and sisters of the vital experience,But will raise a pair of brothers and sisters,Coordinate their relationship,The like Mr. Zhang same singleton female parents for group,Is a big challenge.

　　这个群体的队伍，正在逐渐庞大。

This group team,Is gradually large.

　　比如，天长小学的丁琳老师，9月份带一年级。暑假里家访一圈后，她发现，班里36个同学，80后的年轻家长占了一半左右，而这其中，近半家庭有二胎。也就是说，一个班里，二成同学有兄弟姐妹。

For example,Last DingLin elementary school teacher,September with a grade.In the summer after the family visit a circle,She found,36 students in the class,After 80 the young parents accounted for about half,And this among them,Nearly half family has two foetuses.That is,A class,Twenty percent students have brothers and sisters.

　　在上周某小学一年级新生家长会上，记者曾看到好几个家长，一手牵着大宝，一手抱着小宝，也有怀着小宝的妈妈来开家长会。

Some primary school in a freshman to parents meeting,Reporters have seen several parents,Holding a big treasure,Hand holding the small treasure,Also have with small treasure mother come to the meeting.

［现象］ [phenomenon]

班里36个同学，二成有兄弟姐妹 36 students in the class,Twenty percent had brothers and sisters

　　对于同为独生子女的张先生和妻子吴女士来说，“再生一个”很大的一个原因，是他们体会到自己作为独生子女成长的过程太孤单，又有许多诸如以自我为中心的弊病。

The same for the singleton female Mr. Zhang and his wife for ms wu,"Regeneration a"A lot of a reason,Are they realize their process of growth as only children too lonely,And there are many such as self-centered malady.

　　“小时候，无数次跟爸妈抱怨，怎么不给我生个弟弟妹妹，可以一起玩。家里有两个小孩，一起玩耍，兄弟姐妹和谐相处，大的带小的，有事情有商有量，多好。”家长Cindy说，这是她和老公打算孕育二胎时想象过无数次的美好画面。但有了两个孩子之后，想象中的美好画面并未出现，取而代之的，却是比单宝家庭更多的纠结和困惑。

"When I was a child,With parents complain that many times,Why not give I have a brother and sister,Can play together.Your home is two children,Play together,Brothers and sisters harmony,Big with small,Something have company has quantity,Much good."Cindy parents said,This is she and her husband plan to pregnant two tire, imagine the countless times beautiful picture.But there are two children later,Imagine the good pictures did not appear,instead,It is more than ChanBao family more entanglements and confused.

　　在别人眼里，吴女士是个很让人羡慕的“儿女双全”的妈妈。

In the eyes of others,Ms wu is a very envy letting a person"Children and proper"mother.

　　“老公工作很忙，两宝的教育、琐事都是我管，这负担有点重，最主要的是精力分配不过来。”有了女儿后，吴女士开始做全职妈妈，虽然叫了保姆帮忙，对子女教育很上心的吴女士还是全年无休，不仅劳力更劳心。

"The husband is very busy with work,Two treasure of education/Trivia is all my pipe,This a bit heavy burden,The main energy distribution is not over."Have a daughter after,Ms wu start doing a full-time mother,Although called a nurse to help,For children education is the means of ms wu or annual no leisure,Labour not only more knowledge.

　　现在，她的生活基本围绕着两孩子转。早上，敦促刚读一年级的儿子起床、吃饭，送儿子上学。回来照顾两岁的女儿，一周两次陪女儿去早教班。下午两点多出发去接儿子放学，回家监督做作业，然后陪儿子打球，吃晚饭，再监督儿子练习钢琴45分钟。

now,Her life basic around two children turn.morning,Urged just read a grade the son to get up/eat,Sending her son to school.Come back to take care of the two year old daughter,Twice a week with my daughter to ecd class.At two o 'clock in the afternoon start to pick up more school son,Home supervision and do my homework,Then play with my son,dinner,To supervise son practice piano 45 minutes.

　　儿子在幼小衔接的转折期，吴女士特别在意，这几个月，她的精力几乎都用在儿子身上。“大宝这个时候太重要，不能马虎。相对来说，小宝现在教育的事情少些，就只能把小宝交给保姆照顾。”吴女士说，对大宝焦虑的同时也会对小宝心生愧疚，小宝正是对语言、活动极有兴趣的时期，也是对一些生活习惯养成的好时期，希望妈妈陪伴，要抱要玩，她却分身乏术。

Son in young cohesion turn period,Ms wu special care,This a few months,She almost all the energy used in the son."Dabao this time is too important,Cannot careless.relatively,Small treasure now education things less,Can only put the small treasure to nurse."Ms wu said,At the same time of dabao anxiety on small treasure mind guilty,Small treasure is in language/Activities interested in time,Also for some life habits of good times,Hope mom with,To embrace to play,She is member to make improvements.

独生子女的成长孤独，萌生二胎意愿 The singleton female growth alone,Initiation two foetuses intend to

　　“现在觉得二胎唯一一个好处，就是大孩子的幼小爱心被激发出来了。大宝心情好的时候，会陪小的玩，很耐心，但也只停留在他心情好的时候。”吴女士说，女儿从出生后一直很乖巧，很少哭闹。起初，儿子没什么特别的表现，但在女儿一周岁有一定语言和行动能力、开始讨大人喜欢后，她发现大宝不一样了。“我就很奇怪，一下怎么那么作啊？我就发现他不大愿意让，就是一些很一般的东西，比如玩具、吃的东西，其实大家都有，但就是要抢，小的是出于本能，但大的就带着不好的情绪，互不相让。很明显会觉得大的过分了，但指出来，跟他说道理，很难有用，最后就发展成哭闹。”

"Now think only a good two foetuses,Is the child's immature love be excitation out.Dabao when I'm in a good mood,Will accompany small play,Very patient,But stay only when he is in a good mood."Ms wu said,Daughter from birth has been very clever,Little criesnoisily.At first,Son nothing special performance,But in daughter one one full year of life have certain language and action ability/For adults like began after,She found a big treasure is not the same."I will be very strange,How about that?I found that he is willing to let,Is some very common things,Such as toys/Eat of thing,Actually we all have,But is to rob,Small is the instinct of,But big took a bad mood,Eyeball over.Obviously feel big too much,But to point it out,Reasoning with him,Difficult to useful,Finally developed into crying."

　　吴女士感觉到，大宝有一种情绪，觉得这个家的所有东西都是“我”的，包括爸爸妈妈爷爷奶奶外公外婆，我愿意分给你就分给你，不高兴就可以不分给你。

Ms wu feel,Dabao have a kind of mood,Think of this home all things are"I"of,Including mom and dad grandpa's grandmother grandpa and grandma,I would like to give to you will give to you,Not happy can not give you.

　　大女儿读二年级、小女儿11个月的陈女士深有同感。“她心情不好的时候就会说，妹妹讨厌，太吵了，对妹妹有敌意。毕竟，她是家里唯一的关注点持续了六年时间，她还是觉得，家里多了一个人，把她原本拥有的很多东西都分走了。”陈女士经常给大女儿做思想工作，让她们要好好相处，姐姐要让着妹妹，但最让陈女士头疼的是，道理大女儿都懂，但具体到哪件事情上，做起来就没那么懂事了。没有可操作性的具体经验，只用这些口号式的语言，让陈女士觉得，说服大女儿很捉襟见肘。

The older daughter sophomore/Daughter 11 months of ms. Chen sympathetically."She was in a bad mood when he will say,Sister hate,It's too noisy,To sister hostile.After all,She is the only concern at home for six years,She still felt,Home many a person,She had to have a lot of things have points away."Ms. Chen often give the older daughter do ideological work,Let them to get along,Sister want to let his little sister,But the most let ms. Chen is a headache,Truth big daughters are all understand,But specific to which thing,It was not so wiser.No operability of the specific experience,Use these KouHaoShi language,Let ms. Chen feel,To persuade the older daughter very rebuilding.

大宝的负面情绪，家里多出个“抢”东西的人 Dabao negative emotions,Home more than a"rob"things

　　记者在调查中发现，很大一部分二胎妈妈会在怀小宝时，对大宝怀有一种愧疚的心理。

Reporter in the survey found,A big part of two foetuses mother will in her arms when small treasure,Dabao to have a guilty about psychological.

　　“怀孕后的身体原因，陪大宝的时间就少了，会觉得对大宝很抱歉。”家长吴女士说，之前每个暑假，都会带大宝出去旅游，为了让大宝不要有太大的失落感，在怀小宝7个月时，她还坚持独自带儿子出去旅游。“那时候已经弯不下腰，帮孩子洗澡只能跪在地上。”但身体上的疲惫，和心理负担比，根本不算什么。

"After be pregnant body reason,Accompany dabao far less,Will think of dabao I'm sorry."Parents ms wu said,Each summer before,Will bring big treasure out tourism,In order to let dabao do not have too big loss,In her arms the small treasure seven months,She also adhere to travel alone with son."At that time has not bending over,Help my child to take a shower can only kneeling on the ground."But physical exhaustion,And psychological burden ratio,nothing.

　　林女士发现，和同龄的双宝妈妈接触，这些妈妈几乎都会把重心放在大宝身上，小宝普遍比较受忽视。“和大宝进入入学年龄有关，小宝还处于照顾期。碰到二宝教育问题能一起讨论的朋友很少。就算一些二宝的妈妈，在一起聊，大多时候也只会聊些，你家大的最近学了点什么，成绩怎么样。很少涉及到应该怎么处理二宝关系。”

Ms Lin found that,And their peers double treasure mother contact,The mother almost always focus on dabao body,Small treasure generally is being ignored."And dabao into the school age,Small treasure is still in a period of care.Meet two treasure education problem can discuss with few friends.Even if some two treasure's mother,In the chat together,Most of the time will only talk about,Your big recently learn something,Result how.Rarely involve should be how to deal with the relationship between two treasure."

　　“现在最大的希望就是，等小宝比较折腾人的时候，大宝已经很能搞定了，不然两宝一起折腾，疯了。”林女士说。

"Now the biggest hope is,Small treasure, such as comparative flounder person,Dabao has very can set,Or two treasure together flounder,crazy."Ms Lin said.

　　“另外一个担心是以后二宝发展不平衡。一个好，一个不好，一儿一女还好，如果两个性别相同，对家长对小孩来说都是个问题。”吴女士说出了她的另一个纠结。

"Another worry is that later two treasure development is not balanced.A good,A bad,A son and daughter also good,If two same sex,To parents for children is a problem."Ms wu spoke her another ravel.

怀小宝时，家长对大宝心存愧疚 Bosom small treasure when,Parents to dabao be guilty

把两宝当成一个整体考虑 The two treasure as a whole consideration

家有两宝，怎么平衡协调他们的关系？ Home has two treasure,How to balance coordinate their relationship?

　　天长小学的丁琳老师接触过不少家有二宝的独生子女家长，她发现，很大一部分家长在养育二宝时，并没有意识到把二宝当成一个整体，而是相当于养了两个独生子女。她认为，如果能整合好二宝的关系，整体来考虑，能事半功倍。

Last DingLin elementary school teacher contact with a lot of home has two treasure's one-child parents,She found,A big part of parents in raising two porsche,And didn't realize that the two treasure as a whole,But is equivalent to have two only children.She thinks,If we can integrate well the relationship between the two treasure,Whole to consider,Can be twice the result with half the effort.

　　丁琳老师分享了她遇到的一件事情。一次她去家访一户二宝家庭，妹妹还没上幼儿园，哥哥要上小学。妹妹见到老师很兴奋，说，我喜欢这个老师，哥哥不喜欢这个老师，我要上学。这个时候哥哥叫起来了：“我喜欢的！”

DingLin teachers share her encounter one thing.One time she went to a family family visit two treasure family,Sister haven't in kindergarten,Brother to elementary school.Sister see teacher is very excited,said,I like the teacher,My brother doesn't like the teacher,I want to go to school.This time my brother calls up:"I like!"

　　“我觉得抢着读书是很好的事情，小孩都很渴望长大，在二宝家庭里，大的又比小的更早进入新的成长阶段，如果引导得好，大孩子能带动小的孩子。运用好合理的教育资源，对家长来说，也能减少工作量。”

"I think rob to reading is a good thing,Children are so anxious to grow up,In two treasure in the family,Large and small than earlier into new growth stage,If have a good guide,Older children can drive the small children.Good use of reasonable education resources,For parents,,Can also reduce the workload."

　　卖鱼桥小学校长王怡芳说，虽然没有特别统计过，但了解到有二宝的家长不少，而且经常会在家长会上看到有大肚子妈妈。王校长说，有一个问题是家长的某些做法会让孩子觉得不公平，但家长可能没有意识到，而且家长以自己的教育理念考虑，觉得这并不是什么问题。但事实上，孩子并不了解。“沟通不对称就会产生误解，所以家长和孩子的沟通，尤其在二胎家庭中，很需要加强。”

Sell fish bridge primary school principals WangYiFang said,Although there is no special statistics over,But come to understand that there were two treasure parents a lot,And often in parents' meeting see a beer belly mother.The king's President says,One problem is that some of the parents practice will make the children feel unfair,But parents may not be aware of it,And parents in their own education concept consider,Think this is not what is the problem.But in fact,Children do not understand."Communication asymmetric can produce misunderstanding,So parents and children's communication,Especially in the second birth in the family,Very need to strengthen."

建议 Suggestions

批评大宝时 最好不要当着小宝的面 Criticism dabao when had better not in front of the face of the small treasure

　　国家注册心理咨询师滕燕，多年来从事儿童心理行为干预的研究。她接触过不少有二宝的家庭：“大的孩子出现心理问题比较多，最主要是觉得失落，不被重视。”她曾遇到过一个极端的例子，一个8岁的姐姐，有一个3岁的弟弟，姐姐非常讨厌弟弟，经常用语言、行为攻击弟弟。但攻击行为并没有让她开心一点，她自己的情绪也非常差。这种对弟弟的厌恶情绪，甚至还波及到了学校，她讨厌所有的男生，对她整个的人际交往都有了严重影响。

National certified psychological consultants TengYan,Many years engaged in children's psychological behavior intervention study.She touched many have two treasure family:"Big children appear more psychological problems,The most main is feel lost,Be not taken seriously."She had met an extreme example,An eight-year-old sister,There is a three year old brother,The elder sister very hate brother,Often use language/Behavior against brother.But aggressive behavior and not let her time,Her mood is very poor.This brother's aversion,Even into the school,She hated all the boys,To her entire interpersonal have the serious influence.

　　对双宝情感的平衡，对孩子的成长至关重要，滕燕提醒，要根据孩子的个性调节。另一点需要注意的是，如果大宝做的不妥，一定要单独和他谈，而不要当着小宝的面，当着小宝的面通常会让大宝更加难以接受并心存误解。

On the double treasure emotional balance,For the development of children is very important,TengYan remind,According to the regulation of a child's character.Another point is the need to pay attention to,If dabao do wrong,Must alone and talk to him,And don't in the presence of small treasure face,In the presence of small treasure face will usually let dabao more difficult to accept and be misunderstood.

　　滕燕还注意到，很多家有二宝的家庭，由于养育的压力大，找了祖辈帮忙。但三代同堂也会随之带来问题，比如父母有很强烈的平衡双宝的意识，但祖辈却毫不掩饰对某个孩子的喜爱，这会打破父母建构起来的家庭情感平衡。(记者 金丹丹)

TengYan also noticed,A lot of home has two treasure family,Due to the raise of pressure,Find the ancestors help.But three generations will then cause problems,Such as the parents have very strong balance double treasure consciousness,But forefathers but made no effort to hide in a child's love,This will break the parents according to the family emotional balance.(Reporter JinDanDan)