1月9日，一份“父子协议”在网上引起围观，“没办法，签署了这份父子协议，也不知道对不对。”一句话，也多少看出了发帖人作为父亲的纠结。目前，全市中小学生正在为迎接期末考试而紧张复习，不少家长已经开始给孩子准备各种考试奖励，碰巧这样一份“父子协议”在网上出现，立刻引发了家长、老师以及专家对于物质奖励这种做法是否可取的激烈探讨。

On January 9,,a"Father and son agreement"In the online cause onlookers,"Can't,The father and son signed agreement,Also don't know right."word,Also how many see the post as father's ravel.At present,The primary and middle school students are to meet the final exam and nervous review,Many parents have started to prepare children for various test reward,Happened to such a"Father and son agreement"Emerged on the Internet,Immediately triggered a parent/Teachers and experts for material rewards this kind of practice is to discuss the fierce.

　　记者 赵珊

Reporter zhao shan

网友热议“父子协议”是与非 Net friend of hot debate"Father and son agreement"Is not and

　　甲方：×××（学生）

Party a:XXX(students)

　　乙方：×××（家长）

Party b:XXX(parents)

　　甲方如果三科全部考到乙方要求的分数（语文93分，英语95分，数学97分），则乙方满足甲方的一个愿望（价值在2000元以下）；如果甲方个别科目考试分数未达到标准，但在乙方忍受范围内（允许低于标准1.5分），乙方仍然满足甲方一个愿望，但价值在1000元以下；如果甲方考试分数有高于标准的，每分奖励20元。如果甲方任意一科目未达到最低标准，则甲方就无条件听从乙方的安排。

Party a if all three test scores to the request of party b(Chinese 93 points,English 95 points,Math 97 points),The party a party b to meet a desire(Value is in 2000 yuan of the following);If party a the individual subject test scores is not up to standard,But in the party b bear range(Allow below standard 1.5 points),Party a party b still meet a wish,But in 1000 yuan of the following values;If party a test scores are higher than the standard,Each points reward twenty yuan.If party a any subjects have not reached the minimum standard,Then party a is unconditional obey the arrangement of party b.

　　1月9日，网友“寒雨清秋”上传了这份父子协议，留下一句话：“儿子说他妈妈管他太多，逆反严重，没有办法，签订了这样的协议，也不知道对不对。”

On January 9,,Net friend"Cold rain clear autumn"Upload the father and son agreement,Leave a single word:"Son said his mother tube him too much,Negative serious,There is no way,Signed this agreement,Also don't know right."

　　也许是临近期末考试，这个帖子引起了巨大反响。支持者认为，“绩效考核试点家庭，值得期待。”不少网友认为：“有动力，虽然物质了点，但是现在的小孩还是懂的，只是获得这笔资金怎么个用法，更需要父母引导。”

May be near the final exam,This post has caused great repercussions.Supporters think,"Performance appraisal pilot family,Is worth looking forward to."Many netizens think:"power,Although matter a little,But now the child still understand,Just get the money how usage,Need more parents guide."

　　而反对的声音也很强烈。“如果欲望得不到满足，继续提高奖励标准？父与子之间就是协议关系，多年后可不可以憧憬下，你给我一万元我回家看你一次，给我两万我回家看你两次。”有网友义愤填膺。

And the voice of the opposition is also very strong."If can not satisfy u desire,Continue to improve the reward standard?Father and son relationship is between agreement,After many years can the vision,You give me ten thousand dollars I go home to see you once again,Give me twenty thousand I go home and watch you twice."Netizens outraged.

　　那么，对于这个非常有挑战性的话题，广大家长、老师，专家又是怎么看待呢？

so,For this very challenging topic,The parents/The teacher,Experts is how to treat?

家长激辩 Parents excitation debate

物质奖励利与弊 Material rewards merits and demerits

　　论点1：无可厚非，把握好度

Point 1:understandable,Hold good degrees

　　魏国是一位小学老师，也是一位9岁女孩的父亲。他认为，物质奖励，无可厚非，重点是如何把握好度。那么，如何把握好这个度呢？

He is a primary school teacher,Also a nine year old girl's father.He thinks,Material rewards,understandable,The key was to hold good degrees.so,How to grasp the degree?

　　魏国说，三年级开始时，他与女儿商量共同写日记共成长这件事，她开始不愿意干，魏国就说：“不写没关系，但你每周没有零花钱，同时，你每周就失去了实现自己一个梦想的机会。”她一听，表示“可以”。魏国就赶紧说：“有两个要求：共同写日记一篇得1元，每天写一篇，每周可挣得7元钱，这些钱的用途要写一份花钱计划，有父母的建议，同学的建议，班主任的建议，自己最后的建议，才可花这份儿钱；你每周写日记五篇可实现自己一个梦想，少了可不行。这个梦想实现的开销不得超过20元。梦想可以累加，最后能实现更多的梦想。”女儿也同意。

Wei said,At the beginning of the third grade,He and his daughter grow up together to discuss common writing this diary,She began to don't want to do,Wei said:"Don't write it doesn't matter,But you no money every week,At the same time,You lost a week to realize your dream of a chance."Once she listen to,said"can".He said quickly:"There are two requirements:Common writing diary a have to 1 yuan,Every day to write a,Weekly can earn 7 yuan,The money use to write a spending plan,Have the proposals of our parents,Students suggested,Teacher in charge's advice,His last suggestion,To take this granting;You write diary every week five article can realize a dream,Not less.This dream come true costs must not exceed twenty yuan.Dreams can accumulation,Finally can realize more dream."Daughter also agreed to.

　　魏国说，实施过程本身也很有趣，女儿每天把有意义的事叙述下来，又有爸爸指导陪自己一起学习交流，她很高兴，坚持得不错，老师、同学都夸她写得很棒。她每周的零花钱和每周实现自己梦想的支出都和学习有关，反而显得不重要了。

Wei said,The process itself is very interesting,Daughter day meaningful narrative down,And dad with his guidance to learn communication,She is very happy,Adhere to the good,The teacher/The classmate all kua her to write well.Her weekly allowance and weekly to achieve their dreams and learn about spending,It is not important.

　　魏国说，开始物质奖励是孩子“物质兴趣”的引子，写日记得到孩子生活圈内相关人员的夸奖所具有的成就感，则是“精神兴趣”的隐形培养。两者合一才能从根本上促进孩子健康成长。

Wei said,Start material rewards are children"Material interest"Of primers,Keep a diary for children living circle relevant personnel of praise is the sense of accomplishment,is"Spirit interest"Invisible culture.And both can fundamentally promote the healthy growth of children.

　　论点2：以励为主，以奖为辅

Argument 2:Mainly to wound,An ounce of prevention is worth to award

　　李乐是普通上班族，却也是家庭教育“专家”，平日里热衷孩子家庭教育问题的探讨。他给记者讲述了一件刚刚发生在自己身上的事情。

LiLe is ordinary office worker,But it is also the family education"experts",Daily for child family education question discussion.He sent the journalist tells the story of a just happened in yourself things.

　　“昨天下午刚下班到家，女儿就凑过来，神秘兮兮地说：爸爸，有好事，你奖不奖？说着把一张数学考试卷递给我，我一看是鲜红的100分字样。当时心里有点犯嘀咕：这种单元测试有必要奖励吗？再说小学三年级功课较简单，得100分也比较常见。平常她爷爷喜欢对孩子学习进行物质奖励，比如，期末考试得100分，一般会奖50元钱。看着孩子热切的目光，我和爱人交换了眼神，决定还是要鼓励一下：我和爱人每人奖5元钱。孩子心满意足地一晚上都哼着小曲。”

"Just got home from work yesterday afternoon,Daughter come in,Says mysteriously:dad,Have good,You don't prize award?Putting a math test paper gave it to me,I saw that it was bright red 100 points ".At that time a little FanDiGu heart:This unit test is necessary to reward?Besides the primary school is grade three lessons more simple,More than 100 points are more common.She usually grandpa likes to children learning material rewards,Such as,The final exam 100 points,General award fifty yuan.Look at children eager eyes,I love the eyes and exchange,Decided to encourage it:And I love each award 5 yuan.The child satisfied all night hum a tune."

　　李乐说，其实，现在很多家长都会采取物质奖励的办法对孩子进行激励。个人感觉这样做无可厚非：成人尚且需要奖励，何况孩子？一般来讲，孩子不会为以后的前途命运担心，而十分重视眼前利益，比如老师和家长的赞扬和同学羡慕的目光等，这属于精神层面。但物质的满足对孩子来说也很重要，那种满足是其他奖励难以替代的。

LiLe said,In fact,Now many parents will take material rewards to undertake to the child incentive.The individual feels so I do:Adults do need to reward,How much more will the child?Generally speaking,The child won't for future future worry,And attached great importance to the immediate interests,Such as teachers and parents praise and classmates envy eyes, etc,It belongs to the spiritual level.But the satisfaction of material in the child, is also very important,That contentment is other awards irreplaceable.

　　但物质奖励也需要注意几个方面：奖励的数额不能过高，也不能过滥。要以“励”为主，以“奖”为辅，侧重于精神鼓励，不能养成孩子“唯利是图”的习惯。总之，让孩子努力有目标，有盼头，目标达到了有收获的喜悦，这样对孩子是有好处的。

But the material rewards also need to pay attention to several aspects:Bonus amount shall not be too high,Also cannot pass over.to"excitation"mainly,to"award"An ounce of prevention is worth a,Focus on the spiritual encouragement,Cannot develop children"venality"habits.In a word,Let the child to have goals,Have hope,Target to have the joy of harvest,This is good for children.

老师观点 The teacher view

奖励效果好与差 Reward effect is good and bad

　　观点1：努力学习，不为奖励

View 1:Study hard,Not for reward

　　对于即将到来的考试，到底多少家庭许诺下了物质奖励？建业小哈佛双语学校心理咨询师王怡人在本校进行了一次简单的调查，调查结果显示：二（1）班有30人，其中有24人家长许诺物质奖励，占80%；二（2）班有28人，其中有24人家长许诺物质奖励，占86%；高年级某班有45人，其中有32人家长许诺物质奖励，占71%。

For the upcoming exam,How much of the family promise the material rewards?Ing small harvard bilingual school psychology consultants WangYi people in our school had a simple survey,According to the results of the survey:two(1)Class there are thirty people,There are 24 people parents promised material rewards,80%;two(2)Class twenty-eight people,There are 24 people parents promised material rewards,86%;A senior class has 45 people,There are 32 people parents promised material rewards,71%.

　　其中，大多数同学如果考到80分~100分可以获得奖励，奖品有旅游、玩具甚至还有给钱的……令王怡人感到庆幸的是，很多学生认为考试比物质奖励重要，即便没有物质奖励，学生仍会勤奋学习，努力考出最佳水平。

the,Most students if test to 80 points to 100 points can reap the rewards,Prizes have the travel/Toys and even give money...Make WangYi people feel fortunately,Many students think test is an important than material rewards,Even without material rewards,Students will study hard,To work hard to get the best level.

　　同时，王怡人也建议家长，需要慢慢地调节激励手段，奖励孩子，要注意奖励好的行为，而不是奖励某种结果；要了解孩子的需要，不应由家长说了算，可以尝试用孩子喜欢的方式来取代物质奖励。当然，孩子考得好，家长也不必太兴奋，告诉孩子这是他平时努力的结果，鼓励他继续坚持，对于孩子提出奖励的要求，要看是否合理，不要因为心情好而不坚持原则地一味给予满足。

At the same time,WangYi also suggested that parents,Need to slowly adjust the means of incentive,Reward children,Attention should be paid to reward good behavior,Not award a certain result;To understand the needs of the children,Should not the parents have the final say,Can try to use the way children like to replace the material rewards.Of course,The child does well,Parents also need not too excited,Tell children this is usually the result of efforts,Encourage him to continue to insist on,Put forward the requirement of reward for children,To see whether reasonable,Don't because in a good mood and do not stick to the principle and blindly to meet.

　　观点2：物质奖励，权宜之计

View 2:Material rewards,makeshift

　　“相信每到期末考试时，就是家长最担心和最困惑的时候。担心的是孩子的成绩，困惑的是怎样刺激孩子取得更好的成绩。”郑州八十一中校长何守刚说，物质奖励是很多家长刺激孩子学习的手段，孩子的需要得到满足了，有一种幸福感与成就感。

"Believe in each of the final exam,Parents is the most worry and the most confused.Worry is the child's achievement,Confused is how to stimulate children achieve better results."Zhengzhou eighty a principal HeShouGang said,Material rewards are many parents stimulate children the means of learning,The needs of the children was satisfied,There is a kind of happiness and a sense of accomplishment.

　　但是，这种幸福感与成就感并不是来源于成绩本身，而是来源于那些物质本身。随着孩子年龄的增长，和家长一次次的奖励，孩子的欲望会越来越膨胀，最终，家长无论给孩子怎样贵重的东西，在他的心里也是不满足的，相反会让他觉得：我考高分，你奖励，是天经地义的。这种做法，只会让学生急功近利，学习目标畸形。物质奖励对学习来说只是权宜之计，并不能从根本上解决问题。

but,This kind of happiness and a sense of accomplishment and not from results themselves,But from the material itself.As children the growth of the age,And parents reward again,The child's desire will be more and more inflation,finally,Parents give children no matter how valuable things,In his mind is not satisfied,Instead will make him feel:I took the high,You reward,Is part of the.This kind of practice,Will only let the students get rich quick,Learning objective deformity.Material rewards for learning is a stopgap,And can not fundamentally solve the problem.

　　“应该从精神上支持、鼓励孩子。”何守刚说，因为一个人除物质需求外，更需要的是精神的慰藉。当他取得优异成绩时，家长、老师和他一起分享快乐，让他知道自己的努力和辛苦没有白费；当他取得不理想成绩时，我们和他一起分担忧愁，告诉孩子，只要你尽力，就足够了。总结教训，下次考试再来证明自己的实力。

"Should from the spiritual support/Encourage your child."HeShouGang said,Because a person in addition to the material demand,More need is spiritual solace.When he get good grades,parents/The teacher and share the happiness with him,Let him know that their efforts and hard work were not in vain;When he has no ideal performance,We share together, and his sorrow,Tell the children,As long as you try to,It is enough to.Sum up lessons,The next test again to prove their strength.

　　要知道，长辈精神的鼓励会让孩子很积极、很乐观地来对待自己的学业，会使孩子明白学习是为了自己的梦想和前途，而不是为了其他，相信这样的孩子会在学业的道路上越走越远，直至成功。

Want to know,The elder spirit encouragement will let the child is very positive/Very optimistic to their studies,Can make children understand that learning is for their own dreams and future,Not for any other reason,Believe that such children will be in the school on the road more walk more far,Until success.

专家建议 Expert advice

　　建议1

Suggestion 1

　　教育目标长与远

Education target long and far

　　奖励实验，结论惊人

Reward experiment,Conclusion amazing

　　物质奖励在孩子成长过程中到底有着怎样的作用？郑州市教育学会学习心理研究会主任王海勇讲了两个心理学上的著名实验。

Material rewards in the growing process of children is exactly what kind of work?Zhengzhou education learning to learn psychological research director WangHaiYong about two psychology famous experiment.

　　实验一：一位心理学家挑选了一些喜欢绘画的孩子，将他们分为了两组。A组的孩子们得到了一个许诺，即 “画得好，就给奖品”，而B组的孩子们则只是被告知“想看看你们的画”。两个组的孩子都高兴地画了自己喜爱的画。A组的孩子们得到了奖品，B组的孩子们只是得到了几句平常的赞语。

The experiment a:A psychologist chose some like painting children,They will be divided into two groups.A group of children get A promise,namely "Draw well,Give prizes",The B group of children, only to be told"Want to have a look at your picture".Two groups of children are delighted to drew their favorite painting.A group of children get A prize,B group of children just get a few words of praise ordinary.

　　三个星期以后，这位心理学家发现，A组的孩子们大多不主动去绘画，他们绘画的兴趣明显地降低了，而B组的孩子们则仍和以前一样愉快地绘画。这个实验，曾在不同的国家、不同的兴趣组里进行过，实验结果得到了反复的验证。

Three weeks later,The psychologists found,A group of children are not active to painting,Their interest in painting significantly reduced,And the children of group B is still as before happily painting.The experiment,Worked in different countries/Different interest group had,The experimental results has been repeated verification.

　　实验组的总结是：这个实验告诉我们，奖品固然可以强化某种良性行为，但它又有使人只对所获奖品感兴趣而对被奖行为本身失去兴趣的危险。

The experimental conclusion is:The experiment to tell us,Prize is can strengthen a benign behavior,But it only to have the prize to be interested in behavior itself for the risk of lose interest.

　　实验二：最近，美国哈佛大学的研究者也做了一个实验，他们把3万多名学生分成两组：一组按照“产出”给奖励，也就是考试达到一定分数后才能获得奖金；另一组学生按照“投入”给奖励，只要读完一本书，就能得到两美元。结果发现，按“投入”奖励的学生不但学习成绩提高了，而且在取消奖金后，不少学生仍然坚持阅读。

Lab 2:recently,Harvard University researchers also did an experiment,They put more than 30000 students into two groups:A group of according to"output"To reward,Is the test to a certain score to get bonus;Another group of students according to"into"To reward,As long as read a book,Can get two dollars.The results showed that,According to the"into"Reward students not only to improve the learning results,And in the cancel after bonuses,Many students still keep reading.

　　实验组的总结是：这个实验告诉我们，人们需要得到肯定和赏识。对于孩子来说，他们更渴望得到的是被认可的感觉，而不是具体的物质。

The experimental conclusion is:The experiment to tell us,People need to be recognized and feel appreciated.For children,They are more eager to get the feeling of approved,Rather than specific material.

　　建议2

Suggest two

　　不同年龄，不同奖励

Different age,Different reward

　　父母到底该如何对孩子进行物质奖励？王海勇说，首先，父母要清楚两个事实，事实一，从孩子感知觉发展的角度来看，孩子越小越容易受到物质的刺激，随着孩子年龄的逐步长大，会从简单的物质刺激升华到社会的、精神的、心理的和情感的满足。事实二，所有的物质需求的背后都有一个心理的需求亟待满足，看到这个心理的需要也许就能找到解决问题的方法。

How should parents of children material rewards?WangHaiYong said,First of all,Parents should know two facts,The fact a,From child sense perception development point of view,The child yue xiaoyue vulnerable to physical stimulation,As children age grew up gradually,From simple substances stimulation sublimation to society/spirit/Psychological and emotional satisfaction.Fact 2,All the material requirement behind have a psychological demand to meet,See the psychological need might be able to find a way to solve the problem.

　　在清楚这两个事实的同时，父母要根据孩子的年龄特点来对孩子进行适当的物质和精神的奖励。一般孩子在0~7岁左右对他所看到的、听到的、想到的、想要的或想吃的食物等有较强烈的需求，比如父母说“如果你把垃圾扔到垃圾桶，妈妈就带你去公园玩”，这样的方式对其会产生很强烈的吸引，他马上会在头脑中想象在公园玩耍的快乐情境，所以会刺激他马上去做这件事。

In clear the two facts at the same time,Parents will according to the child's age characteristics to undertake to the child the appropriate material and spiritual rewards.General children in 0 ~ 7 years old to what he saw/hear/Think of/Want or want to eat food and have a strong demand,Such as parents said"If you put the rubbish into the trash can,Mother will take you to the park",This way the will produce very strong attraction,He'll be in the mind think happy situation play in the park,So can stimulate he'll do it.

　　但是到六七岁以后，孩子已经有了自我成长的愿望，有了自己的判断，如果仍然按照6岁前的方式去刺激他，他会首先有自己的判断，然后和父母讨论甚至讨价还价。所以父母在这一时期，应该逐步增加对孩子的精神鼓励。如“你如果将垃圾扔到垃圾桶，妈妈会很高兴，而且屋子也会变得很干净，这样全家都会很开心的”。

But to six or seven years old,Children have the desire of self-fulfillment,Have your own judgment,If still according to 6 years ago way to stimulate him,He will first of all have their own judgment,Then discuss with their parents even bargain.So parents in this period,Should step up to the child's spiritual encouragement.if"If you will throw rubbish into the trash can,Mother will be very happy,And the house will become very clean,This house would be very happy".

　　一般到了12岁以后，孩子的精神需求会更多，如果父母的方式没有发展，孩子会反过来不断地给父母提条件，通过完成父母的条件来满足自己，如果父母不能满足就会放弃，如“你要是不给我买这件衣服我就不去学英语”，这个时候，父母就要去和孩子进行平等的对话，了解孩子的内在动机，进而让孩子接受客观现实。

General to 12 years old,The child's spiritual needs will be more,If the parents way no development,Children in turn will continue to give parents ask condition,Through the completion of the parents to meet their own conditions,If the parents can't meet will give up,if"If you don't give me to buy this dress I will not go to learn English",This time,Parents and children will go to equal dialogue,Know the child's intrinsic motivation,Then let the children accept the objective reality.

　　总之，如果父母使用物质奖励不当，会起到反作用，会让孩子变得目光短浅，急功近利，缺乏内在，甚至一生纠结。

In a word,If parents use improper material rewards,Will be counterproductive,Will let the kid become short-sighted,Get rich quick,Lack of internal,Even life ravel.

　　转自大河报

Turn from the river to