共同的烦恼 Common troubles

孩子作息混乱惹家长烦 Children and parents bother provoke chaos

　　许多在外地念书的大学生，暑期回家少不了要和闺蜜、兄弟聚会，各种饭局，消夜，唱k，派对，玩得太疯也会惹父母不开心，冲突也会像定时炸弹一样随时爆发。

Many college students in the field of study，Summer home not to go and honey、Brother party，Various dinner party，Eliminate a，Sing K，party，Play too crazy also get parents don't happy，Conflict will also be like ticking time bomb at any time as the outbreak。

　　小潘放假回家还没呆够一天，便投身到各种聚会中。她告诉记者，由于她家楼下需要阿姨开门，每次回去都凌晨一两点，不忍心叫醒阿姨，所以索性不回，到第二天清晨才回去。有次手机没电，父母急得团团转，第二天劈头盖脸把她臭骂一顿。小潘不依不饶跟父母顶嘴，嫌他们管得太严。

The pan is still not stay home for one day，Then join in the various party。She told reporters，Because of her aunt need downstairs to open the door，Every time back at all branches，Don't have the heart to wake up aunt，So simply do not return，The second day early in the morning to go back to。A cellular phone have no electricity，Parents out in a rash，The next day she swept over a meal scold mercilessly。Pan with parents rao to answer back，Don't think they tube too strict。

　　许多大学生混乱的作息，懒散的生活状态严重招致父母的诸多不满。小翘家住佛山，在暨大读书，平时一两个月才回一趟家。暑假有时间和父母住在一起，她却向记者诉起苦来：“住得久了，矛盾就来了。”原来小翘平时在学校都是夜猫子，常常玩电脑到凌晨两三点才睡，放假回家生物钟还是调不过来。就是这个习惯惹怒了妈妈。“你这样白天睡觉，晚上熬夜，身子迟早会垮的！”妈妈见唠叨无效果，第二天七点把小翘从床上拽起来，终于引爆了一场争吵，一气之下小翘决定搬回宿舍住。

Many college students of the chaos to the sender，Lazy life status of complaints of serious cause parents。Small become warped live in foshan，In JiDa reading，Usually a two months to back to my home。Summer vacation time to live with their parents，But she told reporters the bitter lawsuit：“Live long，Contradictions will come。”The original small become warped at ordinary times in the school is a night owl，Often play computer until the wee hours of the morning the silent before going to bed，The biological clock or the home not to come over。Is this habit the ire of the mother。“You so sleeping during the day，Stay up at night，The body will sooner or later the collapse！”Mother saw nagging no results，The next day the little up at seven from the bed ye up，Finally blew up a quarrel，Flay small become warped decided to move back to the dorm to live。

　　采访了解到，除了生活习惯、作息时间等是亲子冲突的导火线，看不惯子女大手大脚花钱也会引爆冲突。大学生小李每月生活费需要2000多元，暑假因为各种聚会而捉襟见肘，伸手向爸爸要钱却遭拒。她委屈地告诉记者：“平时爸妈都说我在外地辛苦，可现在回家了却对我这般吝啬。”不过，小李的父母事后表示：“其实也不是真的不肯给女儿钱，只是不想女儿养成大手大脚花钱的坏习惯。我还打算假期让她去实习，让她体会挣钱的辛苦。”

Interview to understand，Besides life habit、Work and rest time parent-child conflicts is the fuse，Cannot bear to see their children too recklessly spend money also off conflict。College students a month to 2000 yuan xiao li living expenses，Summer vacation because all kinds of party and under，Stretched out his hand to my father for money was turned away。When she told reporters：“My parents said I at ordinary times in other place hard，But now at home to me like this stingy。”but，Xiao li's parents said afterward：“It's not really would not give his daughter money，Just don't want to get too recklessly spend money daughter bad habits。I also intend to holiday let her go to practice，Let her feel the hard money。”

专家支招 Experts support

父母要收起命令的口吻 Parents want to pack a tone of command

　　孩子有和老一辈人不同的作息时间和生活习惯，这些都是再正常不过的

Children have and the older generation of different schedules and lifestyle，These are more than just normal

　　面对亲子间如此微妙的关系，心理专家于东辉认为，亲子关系中，父母首先要做到理解孩子，同时也要尊重孩子的独立人格。大学生已经是成年人，适当的时候要收起命令的口吻，去包容和尊重，理解他们身上和自己不一样的东西。如果父母的惯性思维还一味地停留在命令和强迫等原有的教育模式下，问题不但不会解决，反而容易激化。

Facing such a delicate relationship between a parent，Psychological experts YuDongHui think，Parent-child relationship，Parents first to do understand children，Also want to respect the child's independent personality。Students are adults，When the time is right up to a tone of command，To tolerance and respect for，Understand and upon their different things。If the parents of inertia thinking also blindly remains in the command and the force of the original education mode, etc，Not only will not solve the problem，But easy to stoke。

　　“在新的时代，孩子们有新的思想，兴趣，爱好，甚至是和老一辈人不同的作息时间和生活习惯，这些都是再正常不过的。”于东辉说，大学生更应该注重素质的培养，和高中时代的应试教育迥然不同，家长切忌再把以前强迫孩子学习的惯性思维带到大学，这样会磨灭孩子的创造力。

“In the new era，The children have new ideas，interest，hobby，Even the older generation and different schedules and lifestyle，These are more than just normal。”YuDongHui said，More college students should pay great attention to the quality of the training，And high school should try education are different，Parents to avoid by all means to force children before the inertia of thinking to university study，This child's creativity take away。

　　谈及亲子间因金钱引爆冲突，于东辉认为，大学阶段不挣钱，养成啃老的习惯很可怕。关键要在这个阶段帮助孩子养成从要钱到挣钱的转变。他建议，家长可以仿照学校助学贷款的模式，也模拟一个家庭助学贷款，先让孩子试着从贷生活费开始，启动了就要按照合同来，这有利于日后的还贷。利息设定在百分之三或更低，这样孩子就会渐渐改掉大手大脚的习惯。

Talked about for money between parent detonated conflict，YuDongHui think，University stage does not earn money，Develop the habit of on the terrible。The key to help children develop at this stage to make money from money to the change。He suggested that，Parents can be modeled on a school student loan pattern，Also simulated a family student loans，Let children try to borrow from the start living expenses，Launched will according to the contract，This is helpful for the future payments。Interest in three percent or more set low，So the children will gradually get rid of gross habits。

假期规划可以很细化 Holiday planning can be refined

最好让孩子选择自己最喜欢做的事情，在此基础上家长再提出要求 Had better let the children choose their favorite things to do，Based on this parents again to the requirements

　　亲子关系心理专家胡慎之认为，很多家长过于焦虑，担心孩子放了假在学习上会泄了气，于是假期还不让孩子休息，让他们继续参加各种补习班，小学生没有反抗能力但有不满情绪，但青春期的初中生则已经开始叛逆了，如此一来，原本就有距离的亲子关系只能渐行渐远，甚至慢慢恶化。“暑假最好让孩子选择自己最喜欢做的事情，在此基础上家长再提出要求。”

Between parents HuShen psychological expert of thought，Many parents are too anxious，Worried about kids off in the study will let out the gas，So holiday also don't let the children have a rest，Let them continue to take part in all kinds of cram school，Pupils no resistance ability but there is resentment，But the junior middle school students have already had started puberty rebellious，so，Already have the distance between parents can only further away from it，Even worse slowly。“Summer vacation had better let the children choose their favorite things to do，Based on this parents again to the requirements。”

　　广东省青少年研究中心主任曾锦华接受采访时表示，其实家长和孩子对假期的规划，可以细化到每一天每一时间段，并且还要跟孩子讲明安排的亮点、用意所在。

Guangdong teenagers of the research centre CengJinHua interviews said，Actually parents and children to the planning of the holiday，Can be refined into every day every time，And also with children about the arrangements of the window、Is aimed at。

　　曾锦华建议，暑假的安排可以分成三段进行，前段让孩子彻底放松，中段跟孩子策划一些有益的活动，等到了假期的后段就要把孩子的作息时间和生活节奏调整到与开学相适应，这样孩子就能精神饱满地投入到新学期的学习中。

CengJinHua Suggestions，Summer vacation arrangement can be divided into three parts，Let the children had complete loosen，With the middle child planning some useful activities，In the later section of the holiday is the child schedules and life rhythm and adapt to adjust to the school，So that the child can kick into the new semester in learning。

家长别忘了履行监护权 Parents don't forget to perform custody

告知孩子网络中人际交往危机事件的处理措施 Inform child network in interpersonal interaction crisis processing measures

　　曾锦华表示，亲子关系是双向的，但很多家长却牢牢抓住对孩子的管理权不放，按照成人思维去安排管理孩子的暑假行为和娱乐，把对自己的管理套在孩子的身上，这是一个大忌。

CengJinHua said，Parental relationship is a two-way street，But many parents but hold the administration to the child not to put，According to the adult thinking to arrange management of behavior and entertainment children summer vacation，To their own management set in the child's body，This is a big fear。

　　“假期的策划必须在放假前就沟通好，除了给予孩子时间、空间和自由，家长还别忘了履行监护权，告诉他们对社会事物好坏的判断或甄别能力。比如有些孩子假期沉溺于网络游戏、网络交友等活动，那么家长就应该坐下来与孩子交流，告诉他网络中人际交往危机事件的处理，或者应急的措施，通过这样积极的引导，才能避免和防止意外的发生。”曾锦华提醒家长。(文/羊城晚报记者 陈晓璇 实习生 宋易康 图/陈秋明)

“The plan must be at the holiday before good communication，In addition to giving the child time、Space and free，Parents also don't forget to perform custody，Tell them the judgment of the stand or fall of social things or discern ability。For example, some children vacation addicted to online games、The network to make friends and other activities，So parents should sit down with children exchange，Tell him network in interpersonal interaction crisis of treatment，Or emergency measures，Through such positive guidance，To avoid and to prevent the accident from happening。”CengJinHua remind parents。(Wen/Yang cheng evening news reporter ChenXiaoXuan interns by kang figure/ChenQiuMing)

　　(来源:羊城晚报)

(Sources: the yangcheng evening news)