原标题：新生开学离开家 “空巢”父母别空心 Original title:The new left home "Empty nest"Parents don't hollow

　　记者 谭萍 实习生 张

Reporter TanPing intern zhang

　　核心提示

summary

　　眼下，满怀憧憬的大一新生们正欣喜地品味着象牙塔内的一切。与他们的兴奋形成强烈对比的是，不少家长因为孩子从身边离开，“心一下子空了”。突然被“剩”在家里，有些父母感到无所适从、空虚、焦虑……

the,Filled with longing of the freshmen are delighted to taste the tower of ivory everything within.And their excited form sharp contrast is,A lot of parents for children from side to leave,"A heart is empty".Was suddenly"left"At home,Some parents feel not know what to do/empty/anxiety……

现象 phenomenon

孩子开学离巢 爸妈生活失重 The children from the nest parents life weightlessness

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儿子离家上学，全职妈妈“找不着北” Son left home to go to school,Stay-at-home moms"Find north"

　　昨天上午，位于郑州市文化路上的某小区内，邓女士独自坐在家中的沙发上，望着窗外发呆。

Yesterday morning,Located in zhengzhou culture a way in the district,Deng lady sitting home alone on the sofa,Staring out the window.

　　“儿子今年考上了名牌大学，其实我挺高兴的，可他一开学，我却开心不起来了，不知道自己天天该干点啥了。”邓女士叹了口气说。

"This year son admitted to the famous university,In fact I am happy,But he a school,I was happy don't get up,Don't know oneself every day the dry point what the."Miss deng said with a sigh.

　　原来，邓女士结婚后就放弃了工作，一心在家操持家务。自打有了儿子后，她的生活中心就是儿子，做饭、洗衣、购物……每天的一切日程都以孩子为主。特别是儿子上高中时，学校离家只有20分钟的车程，尽管学校建议学生住校，但邓女士考虑到在家能给儿子更多的照顾，可以让儿子有更多时间和精力去学习，就坚持让孩子在家住宿。于是，儿子高中三年，都由邓女士每天车接车送、做饭洗衣，甚至有时候儿子功课紧了还要帮他抄笔记。

The original,Miss deng after marriage gave up work,With housework at home.Since the son after,Her life center is the son,cooking/laundry/shopping……All the schedule every day with the child is given priority to.Especially when the son in high school,The school only 20 minutes' drive from home,Although the school suggested that students live on campus,But ms deng considering the son at home can give more care,Can let the son have more time and energy to learn,Will insist that their children at home accommodation.so,Son high school three years,Ms deng by every car after car to send/Cooking laundry,Even sometimes son homework tight will help him copy notes.

　　眼下儿子考上大学离开家，邓女士感觉有点“找不着北”了：一方面在家闲着不知道该干什么，早上惦记着叫儿子起床，中午考虑的是给儿子做什么饭，可是看看儿子空荡荡的房间，她才意识到儿子不在身边；另一方面，邓女士对儿子在学校的生活无比关心，天天关注儿子所在城市的天气预报，不停地揣测着儿子军训热不热、累不累，不知道吃得好不好，晚上住宿舍睡得咋样。

The college entrance examination son left home,Miss deng feel a little"Find north"the:On the one hand at home at a loose end didn't know what to do,Get up in the morning thinking about that son,Noon consider is to his son do rice,But look at son empty room,She didn't realize son not at nearby;On the other hand,Ms deng son in the school life very concerned about,Attention every day son city weather forecast,Keep the military training speculation son it's hot/Tired not tired,Don't know to eat well,Night live in the dormitory sleep need.

　　邓女士一担心，就想给儿子打电话、发短信。儿子开始还一直回答她，听妈妈的话，可是后来被妈妈频繁的“关照”搞得有些不耐烦了，赌气说了句“妈，我的事不用你操心了”就挂了电话。不敢给儿子打电话，邓女士心里更加难受了。

Miss deng a worry,Just want to make a phone call to his son/To send a text message.Son began to still answer her,Listen to mother's words,But were later mom frequent"attention"Make some impatient,In anger said a sentence"mom,My things don't you worry about the"Just hung up the phone.Dare not to his son make a phone call,Miss deng heart more worse.

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女儿外地读书，父母线上线下同时“监控” Daughter nonlocal reading,Parents online line at the same time"monitoring"

　　在郑州读大学的馨竹是一位北京姑娘。独生爱女初次离家，她的父母自然思念备至，两人都根据自己的职业特点，用不同的方式来关心女儿。

Read in zhengzhou university of jasmine bamboo is a Beijing girl.The only daughter home first,Her parents took good natural thoughts,Two people according to their own professional characteristics,Use different ways to care about her daughter.

　　馨竹的父亲是一名工程师，为了女儿，他推掉在云南的工程项目，选择了一个在郑州的工作，大学四年就可以和女儿在一个城市，父女俩每两周就能见一面。

Jasmine bamboo's father is an engineer,For a daughter,He put off the project in yunnan,Select a work in zhengzhou,The university for four years and daughter in a city,Both father every two weeks can meet.

　　馨竹的母亲王女士是一名编辑，平时上网时间比较多，女儿一上大学，她便加了女儿的QQ、人人等社交网络的好友，既方便了跟女儿的沟通交流，也可以随时“远程监控”女儿的状态。在社交网络上，女儿在学校每天做了些什么，认识了哪些朋友，只要状态有更新，王女士就能“第一手”掌握。“我妈简直就是搞情报的，包括我谈恋爱这件事，她都自己从网上知道了。”馨竹无奈地说。

Jasmine bamboo mother ms. Wang is an editor,At ordinary times more time on the Internet,A daughter in college,She was with her daughter QQ/Everyone and social network of friends,The convenient with her daughter's communication,Also can at any time"Remote monitoring"Daughter's state.In a social network,Daughter in the school every day do something,What are the understanding friend,As long as the state has a update,Ms. Wang can"first-hand"master."My mother can be make intelligence,Include me in this matter,She yourself from online know."Jasmine bamboo helplessly said.

　　对于父母的“陪读”，尤其是母亲的“远程监控”，馨竹起初向朋友抱怨过，后来也逐渐习惯。两年时间，她已经学会什么东西拿来主动和父母分享，什么东西可以作为藏在心里的小秘密，尤其是现在馨竹作为交换生去了台湾，离家更远，她越发理解了父母的一片苦心。

For parents"Or relatives can apply",Especially the mother's"Remote monitoring",Jasmine bamboo at first to a friend complained,Then also gradually habits.Two years,She has learned to what thing took the initiative and parents share,What thing can be used as a hidden in the heart of little secret,Especially now scented bamboo as an exchange student went to Taiwan,Farther away from home,Her all the more understand the parents betrayal.

　　“其实，他们只是选择了自己认为合适的方式来表达对我的关心。”馨竹说。

"In fact,They just choosing oneself think the right way to express to my care."Scented bamboo said.

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“二人世界”失衡，老夫妻天天“打嘴仗” "2 the world"imbalance,The old couple every day"Exhausted their energy"

　　完美的三口之家，因孩子离开去上大学，瞬间变成了“二人世界”。不过，年轻人眼中甜蜜的“二人世界”，对商丘的郭先生和彭女士来说，却变成了一种煎熬。

The perfect family of three,For children to leave to go to university,Moment became"2 the world".but,Young people eyes sweet"2 the world",The shangqiu guo peng and a woman,But becomes a kind of suffering.

　　“孩子一离开家，我俩几乎天天吵架。”提起这一个星期的日子，郭先生有些沮丧。他说，把孩子送去外地上大学之后，妻子突然对他“倍加关注”，让他很不习惯。每天，几点上班、几点回家，郭先生都得准时准点，回家后，这一天在单位里做了哪些事、遇到了什么人，妻子也都要“关切”地询问，有时还会“指点”一二。

"A child left home,We almost every quarrel."Bring this the day of a week,Mr Guo some depressed.He said,Sent her children to foreign college after,To his wife suddenly"Attention was",Let he is not used to.Every day,Some work/Some home,Mr Guo must on time as well,After coming home,This day in the unit did that/Met what person,His wife and all that"concern"To ask,sometimes"directions"Just a little.

　　这些让郭先生有点儿喘不过来气。“她以前最关心的就是孩子，现在却把我当成了重点关注对象，管得那叫一个严。”郭先生说，前天晚上，他和几个朋友出去吃饭，本来已经向妻子“报备”过，谁知吃饭时妻子不停地打电话，问他什么时候回来，让他很是郁闷。回家后，两人大吵一架。

These let Mr Guo is a bit out of not come and gas."She had the most concern that a child,But now, I as a focus on the object,Pipe so that a strict."Mr Guo said,The day before yesterday evening,He and some of his friends go out to have a dinner,Already to his wife"submit"had,But his wife kept call when having a meal,Ask him when you come back,Let him very depressed.After coming home,Two people's congress a noisy.

析因 factorial

过度关注孩子 家长迷失自我 Excessive pay attention to children parents lose yourself

　　父母为什么会出现这种状况？郑州福斯特咨询服务有限公司的高级心理咨询师、首席专家彭熠介绍说，这种“空巢”心理是原本出现在婴孩身上的“分离焦虑”，现在却越来越多地出现在刚上大学的孩子家长身上，而且以城市独生子女家庭的母亲居多。

Why did parents will appear this kind of condition?Zhengzhou foster consulting services co., LTD., senior psychological consultant/PengYi chief expert said,this"Empty nest"Psychology is originally appeared in baby body"Separation anxiety",But now more and more appeared in just on the university of child parent body,And with the city one-child family's mother is in the majority.

　　在彭熠看来，这中间有多方面的原因。首先，传统的教育观念往往导致家长产生一个错误认知，就是孩子只管好好念书，剩下的事情全都由家长操心。尤其是高考应试教育的重压之下，很多家长更是“大包大揽”，小到起居做饭，大到租房陪读，就是为了孩子能专心学习，考一个好大学。这样一来，就和孩子之间形成一种“捆绑”关系，等孩子进入大学不得不独自生活时，家长自然会处于一种空虚和失落状态。

In PengYi seems,Among this the reason that has many sided.First of all,The traditional education ideas often leads to the guardian to produce a mistake cognition,Is the child just and study hard,The rest of the things by parents worry about all.Especially the university entrance exam takes an exam the education under pressure,A lot of parents is"Take on all things",Small to daily life to cook,To rent a house or relatives can apply for,Is to child can concentrate on learning,Take an examination of a good university.so,And formed between a child"bound"relationship,And children to enter the university had to live alone,Parents naturally in a void and loses state.

　　其次，传统的家庭观念也让许多家长有着“一切以孩子为中心”的观点，认为在孩子成长阶段就要把全部注意力集中到孩子身上，一切奋斗都是为了孩子，忽略了夫妻关系和自身价值的发掘，孩子成了一切。一旦孩子脱离家庭进入社会，家长就容易产生目标的迷失和价值观的缺失，从而陷入对自己生活的否定。

secondly,The traditional family values also let many parents have"Everything with children as the center"Point of view,Think in child growth stage will put all attention to children,All the struggle is for the children,Ignore the relationship between husband and wife and their own value of the excavation,The child became all.Once the child from the family,Parents it's easy to create goals lost and the lack of values,Thus in their own lives to negative.

支招 move

适度调整心态 重拾生活乐趣 Moderate adjustment state of mind to regain life fun

　　彭熠认为，这样的焦虑如果严重，会让人陷入精神抑郁，或者出现烦躁状态，严重的话会影响正常的家庭生活。对于已经产生或者关心如何避免产生这样“空巢”心理的家长，彭熠给出如下建议：

PengYi think,Such anxiety if serious,Can let a person into a depression,Or appear be agitated state,Serious word will affect the normal family life.For has generated or care about how to avoid it"Empty nest"Psychological parents,PengYi Suggestions are as follows:

　　第一，调整观念。学会对孩子放手，孩子除了学习，还必须学会如何独立生活、照顾自己。因此，家长必须摒弃“孩子只要学习好，其他事情由家长来操心”的错误观念，学会硬起心肠来，让孩子自己成长。

The first,Adjustment idea.Children learn to let go,Children in addition to learning,Also must learn how to live an independent life/Take care of yourself.therefore,Parents must abandon the"Child as long as study well,Other things by parents to worry about"The wrong idea of the,Learn to steeled to,Let the child grow on your own.

　　第二，建立合适的沟通方式。对孩子过度关注，往往让父母不顾一切地与孩子保持联系，孩子在大学有新的生活，有属于自己的独立空间。父母需要学会与孩子建立合适的沟通方式，既有利于获取孩子信息，也不会破坏孩子个人空间。

The second,To establish appropriate means of communication.For children excessive attention,Often let parents don't desperate to keep in touch with their children,Children in the university has a new life,Have their own independent space.Parents and children need to learn to establish appropriate means of communication,Is advantageous to obtain children information,Also won't destroy the child personal space.

　　第三，丰富自己的生活，扩大自己的交际圈。这点对于家庭主妇型的妈妈尤其重要，只有寻找到属于自己的人生价值，培养自己的生活兴趣，形成自己的生活圈，才能摆脱“离开孩子不知道自己要干什么”的心理障碍。

The third,Enrich your life,Expand your circle.This for housewife type mother is especially important,Only to find belongs to own life value,Cultivate your own life interest,Form his own life circle,Can get rid of"Leave children don't know what you want to do"Psychological barrier.

　　第四，夫妻应注重经营自己的二人世界。孩子不在身边，对于夫妻来说，未尝不是一件好事，把注意力集中到如何经营好夫妻二人世界上，既有利于调适心情，也有利于增进夫妻感情。

The fourth,Husband and wife should pay attention to operating their own two world.The children were not in side,For couples,Have not is not a good thing,Focusing on how to operate a couple of the world,Is advantageous to adjust the mood,Also to help improve couples.

专家提醒 The expert reminds

　　近年来，空巢家庭心理问题日渐突出，其中尤以中年母亲为主。专家建议，家长要接受孩子成年后可能会离父母而去的事实，学会“心理上断奶”，调整生活重心，必要时应当到专业心理咨询机构寻求帮助。

In recent years,Empty nest family psychological problem becomes more and more serious,Especially the middle-aged mother give priority to.Experts suggest,Parents to accept children after adult may be away from his parents and went facts,Learn to"Psychological weaning",Adjust life center of gravity,Shall, when necessary, to professional psychological consulting agency for help.