自从20世纪80年代起，国人就开始喋喋不休地讨论中学生的恋爱问题，而且发明了“早恋”这样一个其他国度很难翻译的词儿。人们很少发现它是自相矛盾的：如果真的是“早”，那还能算作“恋”吗？例如5岁小孩的“过家家”能算吗？反之，如果真的是“恋”，那又凭什么说它是“早”呢？ 老天爷、上帝和真主，谁都没有愚蠢到规定一个具体的年龄。

Since the 1980 s,People began to rattle discussion of middle school students in question,And the invention of"Early love"Such a other country difficult to translate word.People rarely found it is self-contradictory:If it is"early",It can also count as"love"??For example 5 years old children"Play house"Can calculate??and,If it is"love",So with what say it is"early"?? god/God and god,Who are not stupid to provisions a specific age.

　　其实，这个词只不过是成年人对于少年的一种社会强制而已。

In fact,This word is just for young adults just a social force.

　　对于“早恋”的万千恐惧，都可以归结为一点：它会引发性行为，会带来一系列严重的后果。人们一直想当然地信奉这个假设，而且在传播中造成“三人成虎”的局面。

for"Early love"In fear,All boils down to a little:It will cause sexual behavior,Will bring a series of serious consequences.People have been taken for granted to believe in this hypothesis,And in the spread of the cause"Three people into a tiger"situation.

　　笔者2010年在全国195个地方，对14～17岁的少男少女(包括不在学校里的)进行了随机抽样调查，却发现了人们通常意想不到的一些情况。

The author in 2010 in the national 195 places,To 14 ~ 17 year old boys and girls(Including not in school)For the random sampling survey,But found people often unexpected some situation.

　　

早恋的实况 Early love live

　　有50%的少男和35%的少女，已经爱上过一个异性。目前已经有确定的恋人的，在少男和少女之中都约占14%。

50% of the young man and 35% of the girls,Have already been in love with a heterosexual.At present there are certain lovers,In the young boy and girl all of about 14%.

　　此外，有33%的少男与29.1%的少女已经有过单相思的经历；在少男中有29%的人，在少女中有24%的人已经失恋过了。

In addition,33% of boys and 29.1% of girls and there have been one-sided love experience;The young man has 29% of the people,The girl has 24% of people have been brokenhearted had.

　　这并不奇怪，因为已经有81%的少男和88%的少女，目前有知心的异性朋友。反过来说就是：在少年的异性友谊如此普遍的环境中，那些恪守“男女界限”、拒不交往异性的少年才是少数派，才更有可能“出问题”。

This is not strange,Because there are 81% of the young man and 88% of the girls,There are bosom friends.On the contrary is:In the young members of the opposite sex friendship so common environment,Those who abide by the"Men and women limit"/Refuses to members of the opposite sex communication young is the minority,Just are more likely to"A problem".

　　在人们对少年的性行为严防死守的时候，却很少知道，已经有38%的少男和20%的少女，曾经与异性接吻过，还有26%的少男和17%的少女，已经与异性进行过性爱抚。

Be opposite in people the young sexual behavior when defend,Seldom know,Have 38% of the young man and 20% of the girls,Once a kiss with the opposite sex,And 26% of boys and 17% of girls and,With the opposite sex have a heavy petting.

　　这种情况意义深远。它说明，最近30年来的“打压早恋”屡战屡败，迫使中国的成年人(尤其是家长和老师)，只能退守到最后的防线：只要没有“真正的性”，那就睁一只眼闭一只眼。

This kind of situation is of far-reaching significance.It shows that,In recent 30 years"Crack down on early love"Repeatedly fought and lost,Forced China's adults(Especially parents and teachers),Can only withdraw to the last line of defense:As long as no"True sex",It sees with one eye closed and with one eye.

　　

专一的“早恋” exclusive"Early love"

　　在少男中，已经真的性交过的人占13%，极大可能有过的占15%。在少女中，确实有过的占8%，极其可能有过的占12%。

The young man in,Who has really intercourse accounted for 13%,Great may have accounted for 15%.In the girl,There have been accounted for 8%,Extremely may have accounted for 12%.

　　这些数字，可能让一些人高度紧张，但是也可能使得其余的人松了一口气。因为与发达国家相比，中国14～17岁少年的性行为，真是少得不值一提。任何对于“少年性乱”的恐慌，实在是杞人忧天。欧美国家的少年到16岁的时候，性交过的比例往往超过一半，可是他们的国家就因此不发达了？他们的人民就不幸福了？他们的青少年就“一代不如一代”吗？

These Numbers,May make some people of high tension,But may also make the rest of the people breathed a sigh of relief.Because compared with the developed countries,China 14 ~ 17 years old young sexual behavior,Less is really isn't worth mentioning.any"Young sex disorderly"panic,It is borrow trouble.The European and American countries young to 16 years old,The proportion of sexual intercourse often more than half,But their country had so underdeveloped?Their people will not happy?Their youth will"Generation as a generation"??

　　对于少男，人们最害怕的是，他们一旦开始早恋，就会身不由己地跨上发生性行为的“直通车”。可是我们的统计分析却发现了相反的情况

For the young man,People fear most is,Once they start early love,Will be impelled to up sexual behavior"train".But our statistical analysis found that the opposite situation

　　少男对于异性交往的知识越多、越是赞成在学校中开展性教育、在调查之前的一年中谈论爱情(而不是谈性)的次数越多，那么，他们发生性行为的可能性就越小。

Young man for heterosexual contact more knowledge/The more in favor of sex education in the schools/Before the survey year talk about love(Rather than talk about sex)The more times,so,They have sex is the possibility of the smaller.

　　进一步来看，如果少男爱上仅仅一个异性，如果他爱上的异性中，只有一个后来成为他的恋人，那么他们发生性行为的可能性就越小。这就是说，少男的专一的爱情不仅不是性行为的推动力，反而是抑制力。

Further to see,If the young man in love with only one member of opposite sex,If he falls in love with the of the opposite sex,There is only one later became his lover,Then they the possibility of sex is smaller.This means that,The young man single-minded love is not sexual behavior impetus,But the inhibition force.

　　其中的原因，其实人人都懂：一个男人如果仅仅爱一个女人，那么她就是他的唯一。套用网上流行的话来说就是：在世界看来，你只是一个少女；但是在我看来，你就是整个世界。因此，他必然会充分地尊重她、珍惜她、爱护她，就更加不可能发生那种很可能给她带来不利后果的性行为。

The reason,In fact everyone understand:A man if only love a woman,So she is his only.Applying online popular words:In the world seems to,You're just a young girl;But in my opinion,You are the whole world.therefore,He will fully respect her/Cherish her/Love her,More could not have happened that probably brought her adverse consequences of sexual behavior.

　　其实，普天下相爱的成年男女，直到垂垂老矣，不都是这样来产生和维系自己的幸福吗？只不过人们常常被“早恋恐慌”蒙住了双眼，忘记了少男少女其实也不得不遵循这个人类社会的普世价值。

In fact,Love all adult men and women,At 20 until,All are not so to create and sustain their own happiness?But people are often"Early love panic"blinded,Forget the boys and girls actually also have to follow the human society's universal value.

　　说到底，所谓的“早恋”，错就错在不承认少男少女之间的恋爱也是真正的爱情，与成年人的爱情一模一样。这样的爱情是上天的恩赐，乐都乐不过来，难道我们真的希望我们的下一代，都到了“人过三十日过午”，才开始苦哈哈地“征婚”吗？

In the final analysis,The so-called"Early love",The mistake was in not admit between boys and girls in love is true love,And adults love as like as two peas.Such love is the gift of god,This joy don't come over,Are we really hope our next generation,came"People over 30 day afternoon",Began to bitter ha ha ground"Marriage proposal"??

　　

“乱爱”与“瞎专” "Disorderly love"and"Blind designed"

　　人们即使不怕少女“早恋”，肯定怕她们“乱爱”。可是我们的统计分析发现：如果少女曾经爱过两个或者更多的男性，那么她们发生性行为的可能性，反而比其他少女减少99%。同样，少女只要不是仅仅爱过一个男性，那么性行为的可能性就降低89%。

Even if people are not afraid of girl"Early love",Must be afraid of their"Disorderly love".But we found that the statistical analysis:If the girl loved two or more men,So they the possibility of sex,But more than any other girl reduced by 99%.The same,Girl as long as not only loved a man,So the possibility of sexual behavior is reduced by 89%.

　　这就是说，少女的性行为不是来自“乱爱”，而是出于“瞎专”。因为既然她们对自己生命中的第一个男人“矢志不渝”，就已经准备好“从一而终”，那么“以身相许”也就顺理成章。反之，少女爱得越多，鉴别男人的能力就越强，自己的选择能力也越强，不会马上就在一棵树上吊死。君不见，那些“白雪公主”，在恋爱中往往游刃有余，反而是某些“守身如玉”的女性，动辄就闹出悲剧来。

This means that,Girl sex not from"Disorderly love",But out of"Blind designed".Because since they to oneself life the first man"commitment",Had been prepared"corporatism",so"With body, mutually"Also logical.and,Girls love more,Identify the man's ability is stronger,Her choice ability is stronger also,Does not immediately in a tree hanged.Have you noticed,Those who"Snow White",In love often do a job with skill and ease,It is some"To abstain"women,Frequently, the tragedy to.

　　成年人难道不也是如此吗？初恋就结婚的人毕竟是少数幸运儿，“货比三家”却是人之常情、世之常理。

Don't adults is so?First love is to get married after all is one of the few lucky dog,"Shop around"Is human nature/The common sense of.

　　调查发现，如果少女没有失恋过，那么她们发生性行为的可能性就降低87%。反之，痛彻心扉的失恋，则会使得这种可能性剧增71倍之多。这是因为，那些尝过失恋之苦的少女，更加容易用发生性行为来维系或保障再一次的爱情关系。

Survey found,If the girl had no brokenhearted,So they have sex possibility dropped by 87%.and,Lovelorn enough trails,Will make this possibility excursion 71 times more.This is because,Those who tasted the bitter lovelorn girl,More easy to use sex to sustain or security again love relationship.

　　因此，既然社会不可能阻止少女恋爱，更无法预防她们失恋，那么社会就应该努力去减少那些造成少女痛苦的失恋。

therefore,Since the society could not stop girl in love,More to be unable to prevent their brokenhearted,So the society should try to reduce those who cause girl painful brokenhearted.

　　在当今国情之中，谁都知道，这主要来自男方的不平等对待，以及来自少女自己缺乏再次选择的能力。因此，与其继续徒劳无功地打压“早恋”，还不如及早开始“恋爱培训”。这真的很难懂吗？

In today's national conditions in,Everyone knows,This is mainly from the man's not equal treatment,As well as from the girl they lack the ability to choose again.therefore,Instead of continue in vain to crack down on"Early love",As well to start early"Love training".It is really hard to understand?

　　中国人民大学性社会学研究所 黄盈盈 潘绥铭

Chinese people's university sexual sociology research institute yellow ying ying PanSuiMing