资料图片 Material picture

　　近日，一位拥有名校硕士学历、曾经是一家公司老总的付姓妈妈，辞职应聘来到女儿的学校做宿舍管理员，开始了另类的“陪读”生活。一时间，这位妈妈的做法引起热议，人们在感叹这种“中国式母爱”之余也不禁发问：家长一味为孩子牺牲，究竟是爱还是害？

recently,A school with master degree/Once was a company manager pay name is my mother,Applying for resignation came to her daughter's school dormitory administrator,Start the alternative"Or relatives can apply for"life.time,The mother's practice cause of hot debate,People in the sigh"Chinese mother love"More than of also can not help but ask:The parents for the child blindly sacrifice,What is love or harm?

　　

事件 老总妈妈辞职陪读 Event manager mother or relatives can apply for to resign

　　据中国之声《新闻纵横》报道，一名姓付的妈妈虽然拥有名校硕士学历，曾经是一家公司的老总，但是，为了照顾在寄宿学校就读初二的女儿，她辞职应聘来到女儿的学校做宿舍管理员，开始了另类的“陪读”生活。

According to the sound of China[News aspect]reports,A name is pay mother although have school master degree,Once was a company manager,but,In order to take care of in a boarding school there daughter,She quit her job she apply for to her daughter's school dormitory administrator,Start the alternative"Or relatives can apply for"life.

　　这位硕士级宿舍管理员说，只要知道女儿就在身边，心里就踏实。她还表示，孩子将来上高中，她也打算陪读，去国外读大学，有条件的话她也会跟着一起。

The master's level dormitory administrator said,If you know the daughter was in the side,Heart is steadfast.She also said,Children in high school in the future,She is going to or relatives can apply for,Go abroad at the university of reading,Conditional word she would follow together.

　　有人说，“可怜天下父母心，妈妈真是伟大，爱孩子胜过爱自己，希望付出会有回报！”也有人说，“家长放弃自己的事业，一味为孩子牺牲，这应该就是‘孩奴’了！你可以陪孩子一时，能陪一辈子吗？”

Some say,"Poor heart all the parents,Mother is really great,Love the child is better than love oneself,Hope there will be a return to pay!"Also someone says,"Parents give up his own business,Blindly for the child sacrifice,This should be‘Child slavery’the!You can accompany the children,Can accompany lifetime?"

　　也有人认为，这种“护航式”教育滋生孩子的惰性，温室里的花朵经不起风雨是温室主人的错，大树底下的小树长不高是大树的错。以为是保护，其实是在妨碍。

Others think,this"Convoy type"Education cause the child's inertia,Greenhouse flowers can't afford to wind and rain is the greenhouse master fault,Under the big tree saplings long is not high is the tree in the wrong.Thought is to protect,It is in the way.

　　

声音 其实这是一种双重迷失 Voice in fact this is a kind of double lost

　　赵女士(退休教师)：父母为孩子一味牺牲，甚至抛弃自己的事业和生活，弊大于利，不值得效仿。同时，这还是一种双重迷失。比如这位硕士妈妈，她在迷失自己的同时，也可能让孩子迷失。一方面，放弃她自己的工作岗位，她的价值也就无从体现。另一方面，陪读可能使孩子可开发的潜质被扼杀，最终与初衷也相违背。

Ms zhao(Retired teacher):The parents for the children blindly sacrifice,Even abandon their career and life,Do more harm than good,Not to follow.At the same time,This is a kind of double lost.Such as the master's mother,She lost in their own at the same time,May let the child lost.On the one hand,Give up her job,Her value has no way of reflecting too.On the other hand,May make children or relatives can apply to the development of a potential stifle,Finally and original intention and phase against.

　　孩子成长固然需要父母的关爱和陪伴，但陪伴和关爱过度就可能影响和挤压孩子的自我成长空间。父母越俎代庖，包办孩子的一切，使孩子成了一个长不大的“宝宝”，也容易造成孩子的同学、朋友对孩子有看法。

Children to grow up, not only need parents' love and company,But with and love over may influence and extrusion child self growth space.Parents do it for someone else,Do all the children,The child became a long not big"baby",Also easy to cause the child's classmate/Children have friends to view.

　　父母、孩子不应该是“同心圆”，他们各自都应该是一个独立的“圆”，每个人都应该有自己的“圆心”。作为一个独立的“圆”，他们可以相交，但无需重叠。因此，孩子再小，也应该让他们通过自己的眼睛去看世界，父母千万不要代替孩子去体验和面对一切，只有这样，孩子才能成长得更快，也更有竞争力。

parents/Children should not be"Concentric circles",They each should be an independent"round",Every person should have his own"bullseye".As an independent"round",They can intersect,But no overlap.so,The child again small,Should also let them through their eyes to see the world,Parents don't instead of children to experience and facing all,Only in this way,The child to grow faster,Also more competitive.

　　

对孩子可能产生无形压力 To the child may produce the invisible pressure

　　李先生(某公司职员)：或许有人认为为孩子牺牲自己一切的父母很伟大，我从来不这么认为。我对孩子也没有溺爱的习惯。说一说我一个朋友的“陪读”故事。这个朋友“陪读”的结果是，孩子疯了。爱，有时候会变成伤害。

Mr. Li(A company staff):Some may think that sacrifice for children all parents is very great,I don't think so.I to children and no doting habit.Say I a friend's"Or relatives can apply for"The story.This friend"Or relatives can apply for"Result is,Children crazy.love,Sometimes will be hurt.

　　朋友生性要强，当年她要好的同学都考上了大学，而她落了榜只好去招干。其实录用她的单位很不错，公务员岗位，她也干得得心应手，后来还被提拔了。

Better friends by nature,When she wanted to good students are admitted to the university,And she fell the list had to ZhaoGan.Actually hire her unit is very good,Civil service jobs,She also did handy,It was also promoted.

　　结婚成家生女以后，朋友对女儿寄予了很大希望。女儿是个聪慧的孩子，成绩也很不错。女儿上中学了，为了更好地照料孩子，朋友提前办理了内退，每天守在家里，所做的一切都是围着孩子在转。

After marriage ChengGuSheng female,A friend to her place great hope.Daughter is a smart child,Performance is also very good.Daughter is in the middle school,In order to better take care of children,Friends early dealt with early retirement,Keep at home every day,Everything is in turn around the child.

　　上了初二的孩子有些叛逆。而妈妈放弃工作在家里就为了陪读，也给孩子带来了无形压力。在一次考试滑铁卢后，朋友的女儿情绪低落，学习再也没有起色。后来，孩子每天不是说这里痛就是那里疼，一段时间后上医院，医生诊断说孩子出现了精神分裂现象。宛如晴天霹雳！现在，朋友的女儿终生都得服药，说起孩子，朋友欲哭无泪。

The teenager children some rebel.But mother give up work at home or relatives can apply for,Also brings to the child the invisible pressure.In a test after Waterloo,Friend's daughter in low spirits,Study no improvement.later,The child every day is not to say that this pain is pain there,After a period of time in the hospital,The doctor diagnosed said children appear the phenomenon of schizophrenia.Just like a bolt from the blue!now,Friend's daughter all one's life to take medicine,Speaking of children,Friends too deep for tears.

　　父母放弃自我，把一切希望都寄托在孩子身上，对孩子来说，有时是一种不能承受之重。

Parents give up self,All the hopes on children,In the child,,Sometimes is a kind of can't bear the heavy.

　　

错失对孩子教育追悔莫及 Miss for children education regret

　　巫女士(40岁，孩子辍学)：假如时光可以倒流，我愿意回到从前，只要孩子能回到校园，健康成长。

Ms wu(Forty years old,School children):If you could go back in time,I would like to get back to the past,As long as the child can return to campus,Healthy growth.

　　我和先生从外地来到厦门打拼了很多年，终于有了自己的事业。当我们停下来歇口气时，才发现原来那个阳光、上进的儿子再也回不来了。本该上高一的儿子现在游离在校园之外。每天，他和社会上结交的一帮朋友混日子，和父母几乎零沟通。

My husband and I came to xiamen from foreign played for many years,Finally had his own business.When we stop to breath,Just found out that the sunshine/Aspirant son never don't come back.Should be in senior one son now free in the outside the campus.Every day,He and the society made a bunch of friends drone,And parents almost zero communication.

　　我痛悔前两年因为忙于工作错失了对儿子的悉心关怀和呵护。总以为孩子不愁吃喝、不愁穿衣又有书读应该不会学得太坏，可就是这样的大意让儿子一天天滑得离我们越来越远。

I contrition before two years because of busy work missed to son of meticulous care and care.Always think the child not sorrow, and did eat and drink/Don't worry about dress and have read should not learn too bad,But such a careless let the son day by day slip from the us more and more far.

　　儿子的变化缘于他爱上网。老师反映他不做作业，经常旷课。后来发展到夜不归宿。初三后儿子就再也不想上学，我们无能为力。

Due to the change of the son he loves the Internet.The teacher reflect him for not doing his homework,Frequent absence from class.The development of YeBuGuiSu later.After the third son don't want to go to school,There is nothing that we can do.

　　或许是在儿子最需要我们的时候，他没找到依靠。而错过陪伴、教育儿子的最好机会，让我们追悔莫及。教育孩子的挫败成了我们心头永远的痛。

Perhaps the most need our son in time,He didn't find rely on.And miss with/Education son's best chance,Let us regret.Education child's frustration become our heart forever of pain.

　　所以，我理解老总妈妈辞职为女儿陪读的心情。教育子女，做父母的要有牺牲精神，当然，如果能掌握度最好。

so,I understand mother would resign or relatives can apply for the daughter of the mood.Education children,Parents should have sacrifice,Of course,If you can master the best degree.

　　

讲堂 Lecture hall

　　

别让关爱变成了伤害 Don't let love become hurt

　　

郭顺敏(原厦门松柏中学校长) GuoShunMin(The original xiamen coniferyl high school principal)

　　有位作家说过：“人有两种权利，一是关心和管理自己的权利，一是关心他人、帮助他人的权利。”孩子都十几岁了，这位母亲还把孩子的学习、吃喝拉撒睡都管起来，那就是剥夺孩子的第一种权利；不让孩子去关心父母、关心她人，那就是剥夺她的第二种权利。

As one writer said:"People have two kinds of rights,One is the care and management of their rights,One is to care about others/Help the rights of others."Children are more than ten years old,The mother is the child's learning/Eat and drink pull scatter sleep all pipe up,That is deprived of the child's first kind of right;Don't let children to care for their parents/Care for her people,That is deprived of her second kind of right.

　　孩子的个体体验，是他们成长必需经历的。假如孩子长年生活在被安排的状态下，没有自己的思想，更没有勇气去实践，也就更谈不上去承担后果。这种个人体验的缺失，会造成他们对自我认识的迷茫，也会成为他们成长的障碍。

The child's individual experience,Is their growth must experience.If children live in the elder was arranged condition,Don't have their own thoughts,The more didn't have the courage to practice,It is not to take the consequences.This lack of personal experience,Can cause them to self-awareness of confusion,Will become their growth obstacles.

　　当然，孩子有时的想法、念头是不成熟甚至是危险有害的，需要成人指导和限制。但一个孩子什么想法都没有，什么都不会自主，那么孩子的天真、生命的活力、童年的价值又在哪里呢？

Of course,Children sometimes ideas/Thought is not mature and even dangerous harmful,Need adult guidance and restriction.But a child what idea is there,What are not independent,So the child's innocent/The vitality of life/The value of childhood and where?

　　有人看到蛹在茧里痛苦地挣扎，便一心想帮助蛹儿早点挣脱束缚获得新生，用小刀割破了茧，全然不知这是对生命的一种扼杀。过早脱离了茧的蛹儿，再也没机会变成美丽的蝴蝶，不能与春天的花儿相伴了。

Someone saw the pupa in the cocoon painful struggle,He wanted to help pupa son to a new life to break free,Use a knife to cut the cocoon,Completely do not know this is the life of a kill.Early from the cocoon of pupa son,No chance to change into a beautiful butterfly,Not with the spring flowers the company.

　　没有哪个父母不爱孩子。很多父母按照自己想象的方式去爱孩子，付出了很多心力和体力，甚至像这位付妈妈一样，不惜牺牲一切，孰不知这沉重的关爱对孩子或许是一种负担和压力。我们纵然要让孩子感受到父母的关爱，但这份关爱一定适度。

No parents don't love children.Many parents think according to his way to love children,Pay a lot of heart and strength,Even as the mother to pay,Sacrificing all,What does not know this heavy care for children may be a kind of burden and pressure.If we want to let children feel the love of parents,But the love must be moderate.

　　此外，家长给孩子做出什么样的表率，就会产生什么样的结果。可以想象这样的画面：母亲教育女儿，我为你牺牲一切，你要好好学习；女儿问为什么要学习。母亲说将来可以考名牌大学。女儿又问为什么要考名牌大学。母亲说可以找到好工作当老总赚很多钱，女儿又问那又怎么样，当我有了孩子后不就要放弃一切了吗？

In addition,Parents give children make what kind of model,Will produce what kind of results.Can imagine such a picture:Mother education daughter,I die for you,Do you want to study well;The daughter ask why want to learn.Mother said that the future can take an examination of famous university.Daughter asked why want to take an examination of famous university.Mother said can find good job when manager make a lot of money,The daughter ask again so what,When I have kids won't give up after all?