亲子矛盾 八成问题出在爸妈身上心理咨询师给家长布置“春节作业”：和孩子谈谈心 Parent-child conflict problem eighty percent psychological consultant gave parents on parents"Work during the Spring Festival":And the children talk

　　春节来临，在这个原本应该是最开心的日子里，本市的多条心理热线和健康热线却铃声不断。孩子们要倾诉什么？成年人又有哪些心灵痛楚？是一如既往地为学习和工作焦虑、为家庭矛盾伤神、为纠结的情愫心悸？今天起，本报推出“健康热线新春速递”系列报道。随着记者的笔触，读者将从一个个热线的幕后，洞悉百转千回的人和事。

春节来临,In this originally should be the most happy day,Than the city's psychological hotline and health hotline is ringing constantly.The children want to talk?What adult heart pain?Anxiety is, as always, to study and work/For family conflicts frustrating/As tangled feelings heart palpitations?today,This newspaper launched"Health hotline new Courier"Series of reports.As the reporter,Behind the scenes of readers will be from a hotline,Insight given the people and things.

　　今天是小年夜，心理咨询师楼明明终于可以松一口气，睡到了自然醒，她负责督导的华东师范大学心理咨询工作室热线电话，常年无休，只有过年才能休息几天。回顾忙碌的一年，最让楼明明不能释怀的，是听到了太多“你不懂我，我不明白你”的亲子故事；作为专家级的心理咨询师，她最想说的一句话是：春节长假里，请平时忙碌的家长们补上亲子课。

今天是小年夜,Psychological consultant floor when you can finally breathe a sigh of relief,Sleep to nature to wake,She is responsible for the supervision of east China normal university counseling studio hotline,All the year round with no rest,Can only rest for a few days.Review a busy year,Most building clearly can't let go,Be heard too much"You don't understand me,I don't understand you"Parent-child stories;As an expert of psychology consultant,She want to say is a word:The Spring Festival holiday,Please, at ordinary times busy parents fill parent-child classes.

弃表象仔细寻根源 Abandon image carefully to find root cause

　　初中生小柯，进入初三了，成绩还在全班倒数几名，家长心急火燎，却始终想不出怎么才能让“懒惰”“不求上进”的儿子有改变。后来妈妈找了心理咨询师，让妈妈大吃一惊的是，咨询师开出的第一副“药方”是一张强身健体的食谱，这才让妈妈意识到，比同龄人瘦小羸弱的儿子，其实多年来的学习一直有些“力不从心”。

初中生小柯,Enter the grade 3,Performance is still in the bottom of the class,Parents are anxious,But always can't figure out how to make"lazy""Don't beg aspirant"Son has changed.Then mom found a psychological consultant,Let mother surprise,The first deputy consultant"The prescription"Is a diet to keep fit,This just let mom realized,The son of small weak than their peers,It has been some years of learning"Run out of puff".

　　一向努力用功的四年级女孩袁媛，上课认真记笔记，回家还要工工整整地誊写一遍，可就是学习成绩不和她的用功成正比，家长好烦心，常有抱怨，结果她连用功也放弃了，理由很简单：索性不努力，省得爸妈再说她笨……

一向努力用功的四年级女孩袁媛,Make notes carefully in class,Home also GongGongZhengZheng retype it again,But grades didn't her to work hard is proportional to the,Good parents worry,Often complain about,She even gave up the study results,The reason is simple:Just don't work hard,Parents say she is stupid……

　　华东师大心理咨询工作室常年对外提供心理咨询服务。去年全年1136个咨询案例，有关亲子教育的占296个，数量在各类案例中排名第二，而排名第一的婚姻情感案例中，又有一部分缘起于亲子教育的矛盾冲突。一个有趣的现象是：当家庭教育或亲子关系发生问题时，绝大多数家长都认为是孩子出了毛病，但咨询师追根寻源，发现至少80%以上是家长的原因。

华东师大心理咨询工作室常年对外提供心理咨询服务.Last year 1136 consultation case,有关亲子education的占296个,Quantity, ranked second in all kinds of cases,And ranked first marriage emotional case,又有一部分缘起于亲子education的矛盾冲突.Is an interesting phenomenon:当家庭education或亲子关系发生问题时,Most parents think is out of order,But consultants ZhuiGenXunYuan,Found that at least 80% above is the cause of the parents.

拼孩子集体无意识 Children collective unconscious

　　说起“不争气”的儿子，中年妈妈柳红滔滔不绝，一下子列举出6条他不肯认真学习的“顽症”，咨询师轻轻地提问：“你能告诉我，你自己每天花多少时间读书？”柳红不以为然，她说自己辛辛苦苦挣钱养家，儿子就应该好好学习，而孩子成绩不好，让她在别人面前很没面子。

说起"No."The son of,Middle-aged mother LiuGong gushing,Suddenly lists six he refused to seriously study the"Persistent ailment",Consultant questions gently:"Can you tell me,You spend much time reading every day?"LiuGong disagree,She said she worked so hard to earn money for the family,Son you should good good study,The child bad grades,Let her in front of others no face very much.

　　楼明明分析说，社会上流行“拼爹”，可实际生活中，许多家长都在“拼孩子”，他们常常为培养一个“让别人羡慕”的好孩子竭尽全力，甚至牺牲自己。这样一种集体无意识的恶果是，家长在亲子教育中貌似关心孩子，其实更看重的是自己的感觉，也因此很难真正站在孩子的角度看问题。

楼明明分析说,Popular in our society"Spell dad",But in real life,Many parents are"Spell the child",They are often one for training"Let others envy"The children do their best,Even sacrifice themselves.The consequences of such a collective unconscious,家长在亲子education中貌似关心孩子,It focused on their feelings,And so it is difficult to truly stand in the child's perspective.

抓机会沟通获成长 Grasp the opportunity to communicate for growth

　　每个孩子都不一样，真正爱孩子的父母就应该静下心来，找到自己孩子的“不一样”，才能有效建立良性的亲子关系。楼明明说，好的亲子关系，可说是所有家庭教育的先决条件，而寒假中的春节，正是优化亲子关系的最佳时机。了解孩子、和孩子真诚地谈谈心，这就是家长应该完成的一个“春节作业”。

每个孩子都Not the same,True love should calm down and parents of the children,Find their children"Not the same",To effectively establishing good parent-child relationship.Floor, yao said,A good parent-child relationship,可说是所有家庭education的先决条件,The winter holiday in Spring Festival,Is one of the best time to optimize the parent-child relationship.Understand the children/Sincerely talk with your child,This is a parent should complete"Work during the Spring Festival".

　　楼明明建议，沟通首先要充分相信孩子，解决问题或制定改善计划，两代人也应该“互相学习、共同成长”。有时候，家长适时地认个错、道个歉，不仅不会“弱化”家长的权威，还会赢得孩子更多尊重。(记者 宋铮)

楼明明建议,Communication should fully believe that child in the first place,Solve a problem or improve plan,Should be two generations"Learn from each other/Grow up together".sometimes,The parents acknowledge it duly/An apology,Not only does not"Weaken the"The authority of the parents,Will win more respect.(The reporter song zheng)