大学毕业搬回家 University graduation moved back home

　　当盼子早归的父母真等到孩子完成大学四年学业，当自认为已经成人的孩子准备以成人的面貌再入家门时，双方却产生了不适应。客气不再，彼此的需求大转弯，父母疑惑：我的孩子怎么变样了？孩子也难解，父母为何总是不能理解我？

When hope children early to parents really when the child have completed the four-year academic,When think they have adult children are prepared to adult's face again into the house,Both sides have had the does not adapt.Kind no longer,Each other's demand big bend,Parents doubt:My child how out of shape?Children are also the difficult solution,Parents why always can't understand me?

　　当结束一个月的毕业旅行，提着大包小包行李回到家时，周晓琪发现，一切和她想象中的不太一样。

When a month after graduation trip,Carrying bale packet luggage back to home,ZhouXiaoQi found,And all her imaginary are different.

　　周晓琪决定好好陪陪妈妈，却发现她早已约好朋友逛街、喝茶、打牌，而周晓琪并没有被列入她的计划之中。有时候她凑局，反而显得突兀。晚上回家，周晓琪想坐下来陪妈妈看新闻，却发现人家看着看着就睡着了。

ZhouXiaoQi decided to take with my mother,But found that she had about good friends shopping/tea/CARDS,And ZhouXiaoQi have not been listed in her plan.Sometimes she gather together bureau,But appear abrupt.Go home at night,ZhouXiaoQi want to sit down with mom watch the news,Find somebody else watch fell asleep.

　　这样的生活过了一周多，周晓琪发现自己和母亲对很多事情的要求是不一样的。显然，他们的生活得需要对表才能找到交集。

Such a life after more than a week,ZhouXiaoQi found himself and his mother for many things requirement is not the same.obviously,Their life need to list to find the intersection.

　　周晓琪计划着自己的未来，她想出去闯荡，到不同的城市做义工，但她知道，一旦向父母交底，面临的又将是一场争执。

ZhouXiaoQi plan their future,She wanted to get out and make,To different cities do volunteer,But she knew that,Once to their parents disclosure,Face and will be a dispute.

　　毕业回家，是大学生介于毕业和工作之间的缓冲期，而在这个特殊时期中，父母和孩子都完成了身份的转换：孩子告别了学生时代，父母也不用心心念念只把孩子当作生活的唯一重心。

Graduation home,Are college students between graduation and work one-week washout period between,And in this particular period of time,Parents and children are completed the transformation of identity:The child said goodbye to the student,Parents also need not pronouncing xinxin only as the only child life center of gravity.

　　当盼子早归的父母真等到孩子完成四年学业，当自认为已经成人的孩子准备以成人的面貌再入家门时，双方却产生了不适应。客气不再，彼此的需求大转弯，父母疑惑：我的孩子怎么变样了？孩子也难解，父母为何总是不能理解我？

When hope children early to parents really until the child to complete four years in school,When think they have adult children are prepared to adult's face again into the house,Both sides have had the does not adapt.Kind no longer,Each other's demand big bend,Parents doubt:My child how out of shape?Children are also the difficult solution,Parents why always can't understand me?

　　

一触即发的都是些琐碎的小事 Hair-trigger is all some trivial matter

　　李密没想到，她和母亲的第一次争吵是因为一只鱼缸。

LiMi didn't expect,She and her mother's first quarrel because a fish tank.

　　母亲习惯早睡早起，而李密则不赖到十点绝不走出房门。李密睡觉很轻，常常是母亲从自己的房间穿上拖鞋的那一刻，她便听见声响醒来，然后再睡回笼觉，一天就这样开始。

Mother used to early to bed and early to rise,And LiMi is not bad to ten never out of the door.LiMi sleeping is very light,Mother is often from his own room put on slippers that moment,She was heard the noise woke up,Then withdrawal of sleep sleep,One day thus begins.

　　这天，李密在迷糊之间听到哗哗的水声，她以为谁忘关水龙头了，便起身打开房门。结果发现母亲正给鱼缸换水，此时是早晨9点钟。李密愤怒之极，不客气地对母亲说：“我在睡觉，你就不能轻点？”母亲也转头说：“都9点了你还不起床，又不是你一个人的家，我干活怎么碍着你了？”

This day,LiMi confused in between the underwater sound heard huahua,She thought who forget to turn off the tap,He got up and opened the door.The results showed that mother is to the fish tank in the water,It was nine o 'clock in the morning.LiMi very angry,Don't hesitate to mother said:"I was sleeping,Can't you dub?"Mother also head said:"All nine o 'clock you don't get up,Is not you a man's house,I work in the way how you?"

　　一场战争就此爆发。李密的理由是：我刚毕业回家，还不能舒舒服服睡几个好觉？找工作十分辛苦，准备简历，跑去面试，常有失望，为什么母亲就不能体谅一下自己？

A war in this outbreak.LiMi reason is:I just graduated home,Can't comfortable sleep a few good sleep?Looking for a job is very hard,Ready to resume,Run to interview,Often disappointed,Why does mother cannot be considerate of yourself?

　　母亲则回敬：只有她一个人天天任劳任怨地干活，不过是声响大了，怎么孩子就不懂得体会大人的辛苦！天天在家混吃等死，一点儿都不上进。

Mother is retaliation:She was the only person daily bears the burden of responsibility to work,But the sound is great,How children do not know how to understand adult of hard!Mix at home every day to eat until we die,The slightest progress.

　　一听到“混吃等死”几个字，李密便大声摔门。门里门外，两个人都委屈得要命。

At the"Mixed eat die"A few words,LiMi then loudly slam the door.The door,Both injustice to death.

　　毕业回家后，孩子们会发现，似乎与父母的争执变得更加琐碎，生活中也多了些不能触碰的底线。

After graduated from home,The children will find,Parents seem to dispute become more trivial,Life also some more can't touch the bottom line.

　　不能晚回家。如果超过父母心中的最后时限，你会不断接到电话，当你推开家门，一定还看到二老正襟危坐等你回来。“怎么那么晚啊，下次早点回来，玩也要有个限度。”

Can't late go home.If more than parents heart last time limit,You will continually receiving a phone call,When you open the door,Must also see sit telephone you come back."How so late,The next to come back early,Play also want to have a limit."

　　不能晚睡。延续大学时期养成的作息时间，你可能常在夜里读小说、看电影、和朋友聊天儿或是加班赶工作。也许是午夜12点，也许凌晨1点，你会听到屋外一声大叫：“这么晚了，赶紧睡。”

Can't sleep late.Continue the university period form schedules,You may often read novels in the night/See a movie/And friends chat or overtime work out.May be midnight,Maybe at 1 am,You will hear outside a loud cry:"So late,Hurriedly sleep."

　　类似的事件很多，常常是一个小疏忽便引来一场争吵，而你也在心中为父母定了一套准则：要与时俱进，理解“年轻”二字，把我当作成年人来看待……

Similar events many,Is often a little carelessness will draw a quarrel,And you also in your hearts for parents made a set of criteria:To keep pace with The Times,understand"young"Two words,Regard me as adults to view……

　　心理咨询师荀焱认为，这个阶段是正常的，此时，父母与孩子对对方角色的变化产生了不同的期待，这种不适应、不理解很平常，承认它的存在，心才会放平。

Psychological consultation ShiXunYan think,This stage is normal,At this time,The parents and child to the other party the change of the role of produced different expectations,This does not adapt/Don't understand very common,Admit it's there,Heart will set level.

　　

挣了工资后情况发生了逆转 Wages earned after happened reversal

　　没工作，不挣工资前，住在家里让肖方有种寄人篱下的感觉，父母说什么她都听着，有了工作后，情况发生了逆转。

No work,Don't earn wages before,Living in the home let XiaoFang have a JiRenLiXia feeling,Parents say what she listen,The work,Happened reversal.

　　花钱买来的新衣服，父母习惯性地指手画脚一番，肖方会产生情绪。为了避免听到父母的评论，她把新买的东西藏起来。当然，肖方也会对母亲的穿着不满：老气，风格太朴素，拒绝多样性尝试。

Bought new clothes,Parents have a chronically,XiaoFang can produce emotion.In order to avoid hear parents' comments,She put the new buy hide.Of course,XiaoFang for mother's wearing dissatisfaction:Old fashioned,Style is too simple,Refuse to try diversity.

　　然而这只是生活的一个小切面。最让肖方不舒服的是，父亲没有界限感。朋友送肖方的东西，她摆在桌上。家里有小孩来做客，拿着她的东西不撒手，父亲说：“送给他吧。”肖方没有不答应，孩子的家长只好说：“这是姐姐喜欢的东西，不能要。”一开始，对这些小摩擦肖方总是忍着，包括父亲回家，如果没说“你回来了”，父亲就莫名其妙生气了。争吵变多了，主题基本上都是“你管我呢”！

However, this is just a small section of life.The most let XiaoFang uncomfortable is,Father didn't limit feeling.A friend sent XiaoFang things,She set the table.Home have children over for a visit,Take her things don't fold up,Father said:"Gave him it."XiaoFang no promise,The child's parents had to say:"This is the thing like my sister,Not to."The beginning,For these small friction XiaoFang always endure,Including father came home,If you don't say"You come back",Father was angry without rhyme or reason.Quarrel become more,Theme is basically"You tube I?"!

　　慢慢地，肖方开始意识到住在家里，没有长大的感觉，永远都是父母的孩子，实际上自己已经长大了，却在扮演孩子的角色。

slowly,XiaoFang began to realize that living in the home,The feeling of not grown up,The children of parents are always,In fact he had grown up,But in the play the role of the children.

　　在荀焱看来，父母的态度可以理解。父母的期待其实已经转换了，言语却没有跟进，他们内心希望孩子是成年人，实际上在交流时还把对方当孩子。“因为时隔几年没有共处，父母可能还停留在孩子读中学时的感受，所以，他们的内心期待和实际的态度、行为反差很大。”

In XunYan seems,Parents' attitude can understand.The parents look forward to in fact has already changed,But speech no follow up,Their heart hope children are adults,In fact in the exchange will give each other when a child."Because after a few years no coexistence,Parents may also stay in children read the feelings of middle school,so,Their inner expectation and practical attitude/Behavior contrast is very big."

　　对此，荀焱提醒：其实父母说的未必是错的，但孩子会出现第二逆反期。父母坚持己见，从某种意义上说倒不是坏事，可能还促进了孩子去寻找独立空间的动力。

this,XunYan remind:Actually parents to say is not necessarily wrong,But the child will appear the second negative period.Parents insisted on,In a sense is not bad,May also promote the children to find independent space power.

　　当矛盾、争执愈来愈多，肖方意识到，唯一的出路是“搬出家”。虽然遭到父母的强烈反对，但肖方坚持这是大势所趋，说身边的朋友都这样，终于获得父母的批准。

When the contradiction/Dispute more and more,XiaoFang consciousness to,The only way out is to"Move out of home".Although being parents' strong opposition,But XiaoFang insist this is the trend of The Times,Friends said this,Finally obtain the approval of the parents.

　　装修房子、搬东西时，肖方都很兴奋，到真正离开家的那天，她却大哭一场，忽然觉得以后这里就不是自己的家了。“但伤感只是一时的，真搬出家后，就再也回不去了。”肖方说。

Decorated the house/Move things,XiaoFang are very excited,To really leave home that day,She is a cry,Suddenly feel later here is not their home."But sad is only temporary,Really move out of home,Never can't go back."XiaoFang said.

　　

共居的理想模式是像借宿一样 The ideal mode of mold is like as the night

　　刘女士最近很苦恼女儿已经工作两年了，如今还住在家里。

Liu recently very much distressed daughter have been working for two years,Now still lives at home.

　　“回到家常常打个招呼就回自己的房间，聊不了几句。我觉得更不了解她的生活了，包括工作上的事儿，也是几句就应付过去。”刘女士对女儿的表现并不满意。

"Back to home often say hello returned to his own room,Chat does not a few words.I feel more don't understand her life,Including work business,Is also a few words will deal with the past."Liu to her daughter's performance is not satisfactory.

　　从前喜欢结伴逛街、吃饭的母女二人，现在却少了这样的机会。“周一到周五她忙着上班，周末又和朋友出去，家对她来说更像是个旅馆。”刘女士无奈地说。

Once upon a time like go shopping together/The mother and daughter to eat two people,Now but less such an opportunity."Monday to Friday she was busy work,The weekend and go out with friends,For her house is more like a hotel."Liu helplessly said.

　　李密也不满意在家的生活，反倒怀念起住校的日子，那时晚上可以和好友聊天儿，分享对未来的憧憬、规划，每天都很充实。一周固定几次与父母通话，彼此也只有关心：吃得如何？学习紧张吗？多注意身体。如今这样的慰问不再，李密也更不知该同父母聊什么，她宁可把自己关在房间里和朋友煲电话粥，也不愿走出去跟父母说说话。

LiMi also was unhappy with life at home,But miss up in residence day,Then in the evening can and good friends chat,Share for the future/planning,Every day is full.Fixed a few times a week with parents call,Only care about each other:Eat how to?Learning tension??Pay more attention to the body.Now this sympathy no longer,LiMi also more do not know the chat with your parents,She would rather lock yourself in the room and friends to talk on the phone,Also don't want to go out talk with their parents.

　　在肖方看来，和父母“同居”的理想模式是：像朋友在家借宿一样，有生活上的关照，情感上的交流，但彼此不过分干预对方，也不把自己的意志强加给对方，就像对待成年人一样。

In XiaoFang seems,And parents"cohabitation"The ideal mode is:Like friends at home as the night,Have life care,Emotional communication,But each other not too intervention each other,Don't impose a each other,Like with adults.

　　可现实却是，父母和孩子似乎永远扮演着学生与监护人的角色。当彼此都觉得无法达到预想中的局面，就意味着打开另一扇门的钥匙已经摆在眼前。在究竟是不是该离开家这点上，父母和孩子都很矛盾，也有些接受不了。

But the reality is,Parents and children seem to always plays the role of the student and the guardian.When both think cannot reach the expected situation,Means open another door key is in the eyes.In whether this left home this point,Parents and children are very contradiction,Also some can not accept.

　　“分离的焦虑是正常的，是情感外化的表现，像体温一样，在正常范围内都是可以接受的，但超过这个限度会让人感觉特别难受。”荀焱用“痛并爱着”来形容这一过程：“这分痛带给孩子的最大意义就是，赶紧飞吧，不要找理由留在家，如果成人意味着一次痛苦的新生，那新生是必须的。”

"Separation anxiety is normal,Is the emotion externalizing performance,As the body,In the normal range is acceptable,But more than the limit can let a person feel very uncomfortable."XunYan with"Pain and love"To describe the process:"This points to the biggest pain children meaning is,Hurriedly fly it,Don't look for reason to stay at home,If adult means a new birth of pain,The newborn is a must."

　　人生的每个过程都是一次成长教育，对孩子和父母均是公平的。当褪去稚气的孩子结束他的成人礼，或许父母能给他的最好礼物就是让他适时起飞。荀焱说。(记者 张黎姣)

The life each process is a growing education,For children and parents are fair.When the shed juveniles children to end his adult ceremony,Perhaps parents can give his best gift is to make him a timely departure.XunYan said.(Reporter ZhangLiJiao)