素有"最高端冷笑话"的"禅师体"搞笑对白，自今年7月诞生以来，经过了短短两个月的发展壮大，现在已然成为一个内容丰富、段子巨多的"庞大系统"。并迅速蹿红各大高校论坛，连人人、微博等网络平台上也布满了他们的足迹。最近理科生与参禅大师之间又碰撞出了火花，天然呆和高端禅之间搞笑对白正在上演……　　理科青年的"高端反驳"

Known as"The most high-end cold joke"of"Jackson body"Funny dialogue,Since July since birth,After just two months of development and expansion,Now has become a rich in content/Joke tremendous amount of"Huge system".And rapid leap up is red each big university BBS,Even everyone/Micro bo and other network platform also was full of their footprint.Recently the school of science living the and practise meditation master and collision between a spark,Natural stay and high-end between zen funny dialogue was going on……Science youth"High-end retort"

　　1.青年问禅师：我和一个女孩交往了很长一段时间，但是女孩的反应非常冷淡。

1. The young man asked Jackson:I with a girl dating for a long time,But the girl's reaction is very cold.

　　禅师微笑道：那么你见过瞬间成长的植物吗？

Jackson smiles to say:So you saw instant growing plants?

　　青年默默地拿出IPAD打开自己的农场，然后点击超速化肥再点在萝卜上。

Youth silently took out IPAD open their own farm,Then click overspeed fertilizer to point in the radish.

　　【点评：这个不解释……】

[Comment on:This does not explain……]

　　2.青年问禅师：我和我女朋友总是闹矛盾，我们总有着相反的看法，可是我又很爱她，不想分手，怎么办？

2. Youth asked Jackson:My girlfriend and I always make antinomy,We always have opposite views on this,But I really love her,Don't want to break up,do?

　　禅师微笑道：万物间相生相克，就像水火不相容，既然不适合，何不分开？

Jackson smiles to say:Universe reinforce each other,Like oil and water don't mix,Now that is not suitable for,Why don't you separate?

　　青年略一沉吟，说：钠能在水里燃烧。

Youth is a thoughtfully,said:Sodium in water combustion.

　　【点评：同上，不解释……】

[Comment on:ditto,Don't explain……]

　　3.青年问禅师：我工作很努力，但是事业上没有一点成就，怎么办？

3. Youth asked Jackson:I worked very hard,But without a career achievements,do?

　　禅师说：九十摄氏度很热，但是这样的水温，能让水沸腾吗？

Lakers coach phil Jackson said:Ninety degrees Celsius was very hot,But such water temperature,Can let the water boiling?

　　青年略一沉吟，说：我是拉萨长大的。

Youth is a thoughtfully,said:I was brought up in Lhasa.

　　（P.S：海拔高的地区，水的沸点会变低。拉萨属于西藏，不解释……）

(P.S:High altitude areas,The boiling point of water will be low.Lhasa Tibet belongs to,Don't explain……)

　　4.青年问禅师：我想要很多钱，但是又不想付出，你能交给我方法吗？

4. Youth asked Jackson:I want a lot of money,But I don't want to pay,Can you give me method?

　　禅师微笑道：可以，但你能找到一样东西，它无穷无尽，但又不占任何地方吗？

Jackson smiles to say:can,But you can find something,It is endless,But do not take any place?

　　青年默默地写了一个康托诗集。

Youth silently wrote a cantor poetry anthology.

　　【点评：康托诗集中有无穷多个点，但只是数学概念，不会占任何地方。】

[Comment on:Cantor poetry focus have an infinite number of points,But only mathematical concepts,Won't take up any place.]

　　5.青年问禅师：大师，我很爱我的女朋友，她也有很多优点，但是总有几个缺点让我非常讨厌，有什么方法能让她改变？

5. Youth asked Jackson:master,I love my girlfriend,She also has a lot of advantages,But there are always a few faults let me very hate,What method can let her change?

　　禅师回答：方法很简单，不过若想要我教你，你需下山为我找来无叶花，无根草。

Jackson answer:The method is very simple,But if want to want me to teach you,You need to find me down the mountain to which no,No grass.

　　青年略一沉吟，从路边采来水晶兰一株，菟丝子一把。

Youth is a thoughtfully,From the side of the road to crystal mining seems to plant,Dodder a.

　　【点评：水晶兰其实不是兰花，它全身没有叶绿素，也没有叶子，只有花朵：而菟丝子则是一种寄生植物，本身没有根系！】

[Comment on:Crystal blue is not orchid,Its whole body no chlorophyll,Also without the leaves,Only flowers:But dodder is a parasite plant,Itself has no root!]

　　6.青年问禅师：大师，我期末辛苦准备了很久成绩却还是不好，GPA降了好多，有什么方法能让我GPA只升不降么？

6. Youth asked Jackson:master,My final hard prepared for a long time but or bad results,GPA drop a lot of,What method can let me GPA goes up and never goes down?

　　禅师浅笑，答：潮涨潮落,月圆月缺，这世上可有什么规律是一直增长却断然不会下降的？

Jackson smile,a:Flux and reflux,Wax and wane,This world can have what law is growing but absolutely won't drop?

　　青年略一沉吟,说"熵"。

Youth is a thoughtfully,said"entropy".

　　（P.S：在化学规律中，熵，是只增不减的。）

(P.S:In chemistry in the law,entropy,Is not only increase the reduction.)

　　7.青年问禅师：我现在遇到了很多很多的困难和烦恼，怎么办？

7. Youth asked Jackson:Now, I met many difficulties and worry,do?

　　禅师说：你随手画一条曲线，用放大镜放大了看，它还有那么弯曲吗？那个青年画了一个魏尔斯特拉斯函数。

Lakers coach phil Jackson said:You free hand draw a curve,Use a magnifying glass amplification at,It also has so bending?The young man drew a weierstrass function.

　　（P.S： 魏尔斯特拉斯函数连续但处处不可导，也就是这货本来就没有"曲"的概念。）

(P.S: Weierstrass function continuous but is not guide,This is the cargo was not"song"concept.)

　　8.青年问禅师：大师，为什么我有很多优点，可是别人看到的全都是我的缺点呢？

8. Youth asked Jackson:master,Why do I have a lot of advantages,But others see is all my faults??

　　禅师微笑道：这就像一面镜子，你只能看到自己的容貌，却看不到镜子后的他人。你能找到一面不一样的镜子吗？

Jackson smiles to say:This is like a mirror,You can only see his looks,But see a mirror after the others.Can you find a different mirror?

　　青年略一沉吟，把迈克尔逊干涉仪里的半透半反介质拆了下来。

Youth is a thoughtfully,The Michelson interferometer in semipermeable half reverse medium and down.

　　（P.S ：迈克尔逊干涉仪里的半透半反介质在反射一部分光线的同时，也可以和玻璃一样透过一部分光线。）

(P.S :Michelson interferometer in semipermeable half reverse medium in the reflection of the light part at the same time,Can also and glass part through light.)

　　9.青年问禅师：大师，我很爱我的女朋友，她也有很多优点，但是总有几个缺点让我非常讨厌，有什么方法能让她改变？

9. Youth asked Jackson:master,I love my girlfriend,She also has a lot of advantages,But there are always a few faults let me very hate,What method can let her change?

　　禅师浅笑，答：方法很简单，不过若想我教你，你需先下山为我找一种既是假的又是真的东西回来。青年略一沉吟，说道：我的这句话是谎话。

Jackson smile,a:The method is very simple,But if I can teach you,You need to first down the mountain for me to find a is false and true things back.Youth is a thoughtfully,said:My this sentence is false.

　　【点评：逻辑学的学生伤不起啊！】

[Comment on:Logic student injury not ah!]

　　10.青年问禅师：我的心就像门一样, 她的离去, 将它关闭。我可能无法再爱了。禅师若有所思地说：你看看这朵花，多么的美丽。美之前, 如何让心无法开朗?青年说:嗯。禅师继续说:难道存在开的东西会是闭的么？"空集"，青年随口答道。

10. The young man asked Jackson:My heart is like the same door, She left, Will close it.I may not be able to love again.Lakers coach phil Jackson said wistfully:You see this flower,How beautiful.Before beauty, How to let the heart can't open?Youth said: well.Jackson continue to say: don't exist open things will be closed it?"Empty set",Youth freely replied.

　　【点评：不解释……】

[Comment on:Don't explain……]

　　11.禅师举着一个钵，让青年把他装满，青年装了一钵石子。禅师说：其实，钵并没有满。于是往里又加了一些沙子：现在满了吗？青年略一沉吟，说还可以加氢氟酸溶解掉沙石蒸去残液，再高温熔融，最后还原成硅单质并且做成闪存装满数据。

11. Jackson holding a bowl,Let young he fill,Youth with a pot stones.Lakers coach phil Jackson said:In fact,Pot and not full.So to added some sand:Now filled with??Youth is a thoughtfully,Said could also add hydrofluoric acid dissolved away gravel steamed to residual liquid,To high temperature melting,Finally reduction into silicon simple substance and filled with data made flash.

　　【点评：看看人家专业学得多好……】

[Comment on:Look at the somebody else professional learn much good……]

　　禅师的"反攻"

Jackson's"counterattack"

　　1.青年问禅师：我现在遇到了很多很多的困难和烦恼，怎么办？禅师说：你随手画一条曲线，用放大镜放大了看，它还有那么弯曲吗？那个青年画了一个魏尔斯特拉斯函数。

1. The young man asked Jackson:Now, I met many difficulties and worry,do?Lakers coach phil Jackson said:You free hand draw a curve,Use a magnifying glass amplification at,It also has so bending?The young man drew a weierstrass function.

　　禅师微笑道：正是你图上内在的这些曲折，使这个函数图像的维数奇迹般地突破了单调乏味的一维。同样，我们只有经历了重重崎岖坎坷，才能回过头看到一个比别人丰富得多的人生轨迹，又何必为此而烦恼呢？青年拜服，转身离去。禅师继续诵经，经书上赫然写着三个大字：《实分析》。

Jackson smiles to say:Is your chart inner these twists and turns,Make this function image dimension miraculously broke through the tedious one dimension.The same,We only have experienced many rugged bumpy,To return overdo see a much more abundant than others life trajectory,Why? For this trouble?Youth greatly admire,Go away.Jackson continue to low,Book top impressively write three characters:[Real analysis].

　　【点评：螳螂捕蝉，黄雀在后。禅师"碉堡"了……】

[Comment on:Mantis catching cicada,Tarin in the.Lakers coach phil Jackson"pillbox"the……]

　　2.程序员问禅师：大师,我身体健康,思想端正,各方面都不错,为何就是找不到女朋友呢?

2. Programmers asked Jackson:master,I am healthy,Thought correct,All aspects are good,Why is can't find a girlfriend?

　　禅师浅笑,答：原因很简单，不过若想我告诉你，你需先写一段java代码。 青年略一沉吟，写完了。再写一段C#，再写一段php，写完了，再写一段js，写完了，这就是原因 。

Jackson smile,a:The reason is very simple,But if I tell you,You are required to write a Java code. Youth is a thoughtfully,finished.To write a C#,To write a PHP,finished,To write a js,finished,The reason why .

　　【点评：这大师是学计算机出身的吧……】

[Comment on:The master computer was born is to learn it……]

　　3.青年问禅师：大师，我很爱我的女朋友，她也有很多优点，但是总有几个缺点让我非常讨厌，有什么方法能让她改变？

3. Youth asked Jackson:master,I love my girlfriend,She also has a lot of advantages,But there are always a few faults let me very hate,What method can let her change?

　　禅师浅笑，答：方法很简单，不过……你听说过安利么？

Jackson smile,a:The method is very simple,but……You have heard of amway yao?

　　【点评：大师太与时俱进了……】

[Comment on:The master too keep pace with The Times……]

　　4.青年问禅师：我总是和我的兄弟们合不来，他们讨厌我，我也讨厌他们……

4. Youth asked Jackson:I always and my brothers don't mesh,They hate me,I also hate them……

　　禅师浅笑，拿出一根筷子，递给青年：来，折断它……

Jackson smile,Take out a piece of chopsticks,Handed youth:to,Break it……

　　青年接过筷子，很轻松地就折断了。

Youth took the chopsticks,Very easily were broken.

　　禅师又拿出两根筷子，笑道：来试试一起将它们折断。

Jackson again took out the two root chopsticks,laughed:To try together will they break.

　　青年接过筷子，很轻松地就折断了。

Youth took the chopsticks,Very easily were broken.

　　禅师又拿出三根筷子，笑道：来试试一起将它们折断。

Jackson again took out the three root chopsticks,laughed:To try together will they break.

　　青年接过筷子，很轻松地就折断了。

Youth took the chopsticks,Very easily were broken.

　　禅师又拿出四根筷子，笑道：来试试一起将它们折断。

Jackson again took out the four pillars chopsticks,laughed:To try together will they break.

　　青年接过筷子，很轻松地就折断了

Youth took the chopsticks,Very easily were broken

　　……

……

　　……

……

　　……

……

　　禅师又拿出四十七根筷子，青年抢过来，一把全部折断了；

Jackson again took out the 47 root chopsticks,Youth rob to,A put all broken;

　　禅师沉吟片刻，摆出架式，一记大慈大悲千叶掌劈死了那个青年。

Jackson thoughtfully for a moment,Set out frame,A record infinitely merciful chiba palm splitting dead the youth.

　　【点评：大师很愤怒，后果很严重……】

[Comment on:Master very angry,The consequence is very serious……]

　　吕新阳 整理

LvXinYang finishing