搜狐教育主持人： Sohu education host:各位搜狐网友大家好，欢迎来到这一期搜狐教育会客厅，今天我们邀请到新书《爱的误区》的作者胡萍老师，同时胡萍老师也是中国性学会青少年性健康教育专业委员会副主任委员，深圳成长与性工作室的创办人。从2006年起胡萍老师开始把家庭教育和电影结合起来，将每一部电影提取一个主题，用电影教导大家怎样教育孩子，怎样进行更好更正确的家庭教育，今天胡萍老师带着她的新书《爱的误区》来到我们搜狐教育会客厅，与我们一起谈一谈家庭教育中遇到的一些问题。胡萍老师您好。

You sohu net friend everybody is good,Welcome to this period sohu education saloon,Today we invited to new books[Love the mistakes of the]Author hu ping teacher,At the same time hu ping teacher is also China sexology will adolescent sexual health education professional committee, deputy director of the committee,Shenzhen growth and sex the founder of the studio.Since 2006 hu ping the teacher began to make family education and movie combined,Each movie extraction a theme,With film teach everyone how to education child,How to do better and more correct family education,Today hu ping teacher with her new book[Love the mistakes of the]Come to our sohu education saloon,And together we to schedule family education of some questions in the.Hu ping teacher hello.

胡萍老师： Hu ping teacher:你好。

hello.

搜狐教育主持人： Sohu education host:刚刚我们说到把电影和家庭教育结合在一起，这个让人觉得耳目一新的创意，能不能为我们介绍一下这样一个创意是从何而来的？

Just we said to the films and family education together,This let a person feel refreshing new ideas,Can you tell us about that such a creative come from the?

胡萍老师： Hu ping teacher:这是一个自然而然的过程，因为我自己喜欢电影，我自己也养孩子，在我有了儿子以后我就在想，我在反思一些我妈妈曾经对我们的一些教育，在自己的成长过程当中发现有一些东西不对，比如对情绪的控制，我有时会控制不好自己的情绪，我也会对我儿子发火，有时候是把工作上的问题带到家里对自己的儿子或者老公发脾气。后来发现在电影当中我能够学习人家是怎么做的，当人们心里不高兴的时候焦虑的时候有怒气的时候他是怎么对孩子的，孩子做了你不喜欢的事情的时，电影里面的家长是怎么去对待的。我慢慢发现，在这个过程当中除了方法还有理念的问题，我觉得这和我们传统的理念不一样。同时我在思考这种不一样到底能给孩子带来的东西是好的还是不好的，逐渐在电影当中我们会学到很多东西。从09年开始把我自己曾经觉得好的电影，所谓好的电影能够帮助我的，我也是中国家长，还有很多中国的家长跟我一样有共同的困惑共同的挣扎共同的疑惑的这些东西，刚好通过这部电影能给我们答案引起我们的反思，我把这样的电影留下来，从09年QQ群里面讨论。讨论之前提前做一个通知，比如哪年哪月哪个时间做一个活动，大家提前看电影，同时我们还会让大家在看电影的时候去思考一些问题，我们会把思考题写出来。慢慢我们发现大家在讨论的过程当中很有收获，很多网友都反映通过这部电影回去以后改变了对孩子的方式，这种效果很好，一共做了十部电影。我们把十部电影当中每次讨论我的看法还有千千万万个家长的看法很多家长参与，我们基本上每次上千人，他们的看法搜集起来，这个应该成为一本书，很多没办法参与的家长他们也想知道我们怎么从电影当中反思自己的教养行为，我们把它搜集起来，用了两三年的时间搜集资料，同时我也把自己在平时跟家长的交流过程当中有一些案例分享在这本书里面，让大家从教养的误区当中反思我们现在教育孩子过程当中有哪些是有误区的。比如说在书中提到的穷养还是富养，这是很多家长目前很困惑的问题，我们用电影来讲什么叫穷养什么叫富养。

It is a natural process,Because I like movies,I myself also raising children,I have a son later I guess,I reflection some my mother used to some of our education,In their growth process found that there is something wrong,For example of emotional control,I sometimes bad control your emotions,I also can to my son firing,Sometimes is the work problems brought to the home of her son or the husband lost his temper.I later found out that in the movie I can learn the somebody else is how to do,When people in the time of not glad of anxiety when anger he is how to the child,Children do the things you don't like the,Movie parents is how to treat.I slowly found,In this process in addition to method and idea of the problem,I think this and our traditional idea is not the same.At the same time I think this not exactly can give children bring things are good or bad,Gradually in the movie we will learn a lot of things.From began to make myself once think good movie,The so-called good film can help me,I am also Chinese parents,There are many Chinese parents like me have a common confusion common struggle common doubts these things,Just through the film can give us the answer cause our reflection,I put this kind of movie to stay,From the 09 QQ group discussion inside.Discussion in advance before doing a notice,For instance in which which months which time to do an activity,You see a movie in advance,At the same time we will also let everybody in the movies to think about some questions,We will put the thinking write out.Slowly we found that everyone in the discussion of the process is very rewarding,Many people reflect through the film back later changed the way to the child,This effect is very good,The total ten movie.We have ten movie every time of discussion in my opinion, there are millions and millions of parents think a lot of parents to participate in,We almost every time thousands of people,Their opinions together,This should be a book,A lot of can't participate in parents they also want to know how we from the movie reflect on their breeding behavior,We put it together,With two or three years time collecting material,At the same time I also oneself in peacetime and parents exchange process have some cases share in this book,Let everybody from the breeding of error reflection we now education child process what is the misunderstanding.For example in the book mentioned poor raise or eutrophic,This is a lot of parents at present confused problems,We use film speaking what is poor raise what call eutrophic.

搜狐教育主持人： Sohu education host:这本书虽然针对中国家长教育面临的问题，在我拜读这个书的过程当中注意到一个问题，那就是您选择的电影是外国电影占大多数的，中国电影只有《看上去很美》、《海洋天堂》，您认为外国的教育方式对中国父母更有启迪还是？

This book is for Chinese parents education are faced with the problem,I read this book process noticed a problem,That is your choice of film is the vast majority of foreign films,Chinese film only[Looks very beautiful]/[Marine heaven],Do you think foreign education way for Chinese parents are more enlightenment or?

胡萍老师： Hu ping teacher:这也是我在思考的问题，在看电影过程当中我一直在想为什么西方的孩子那么独立那么有主见，我看到过一个西方20岁的小伙子，我见他的第一面给我很震惊，我震惊的是他的眼睛很干净很亮，眼睛是心灵的窗户。我一直关注教育从我孩子出生到现在20年，我很关注，我曾经去到中国科技大观察大学生，特别观察少年班的大学生，我看他们的眼神，看他们走路的动作，看他们的神态是什么，我也看我儿子他在幼儿园是个什么状态，除了他在传统教育方式下的成长，他的中学是个什么状态。我当时就在想，这个大学生他来到中国，他已经20岁了，他的眼睛跟刚刚出生的婴儿没有区别，那么干净那么明亮。为什么我儿子在初中的时候，他的眼睛里面没有童真，我很心痛但是很无奈，不能让他25岁还保持眼神像婴儿一样那么干净明亮对世界充满好奇。那个孩子的眼神我至今难忘，蓝眼睛非常漂亮。他跟我交流的过程当中我也感觉这样的孩子特独立，还有我在巴学园遇到几个德国来的孩子，德国孩子才18岁，刚刚高中毕业，他不懂中文，他懂四国语言但不懂中文。但是他的父母为什么会让他的儿子来到一个语言不通的国家，而且能做志愿者，他做事情心非常宁静，但是我们的孩子看不到，而且我们的孩子18岁让他去到一个陌生的国度语言不通的国家，我们怎么生存？怎么与人相处？我们中国父母很少会让他们去。西方的教育一定有值得我们学习的地方，通过这么多年我也看了很多书，也观察了很多孩子，我就在想，西方的东西到底哪些值得我们学习，通过电影看出来。他们培养的孩子独立自主，他们的孩子能够开始自己手抓东西的时候就开始自己抓东西吃饭，到一岁多两岁的孩子完全可以独立吃饭。我在讲座过程当中说孩子两岁多到四岁完全可以做到独立洗澡，当时有一位家长说，胡老师我现在做一个调查，他面向两百位家长说我们在座的家长有谁的孩子能够做到在四岁之前独立洗澡的？当时没有一个家长举手。我上个礼拜在外地做讲座，也有好几百位家长，我也问这个问题，但是只有四个家长举手。当时在幼儿园有一位德国家长来听，德国的爸爸，他不懂中文，他请了一个翻译，那个翻译慢了一拍，这个家长做调查的时候这个爸爸没有举手，因为翻译还没翻译过来，没有举手。当时我就说，我们做不到不等于我们孩子做不到。你们的孩子都没做到，那个家长说胡老师你看我做调查了，我们没有家长做到，你的理论是错误的。我的儿子4岁开始独立洗澡，要求他独立把内裤洗干净，穿上衣服再出来。他这个行为从4岁开始直到现在坚持下来。我妹妹的孩子3岁开始独立洗屁股，她从3岁开始自己独立洗澡独立洗屁股独立洗脸洗脚，我们的孩子能够做到。讲座下来之后德国爸爸过来找我，当时翻译翻译慢了他没有来得及举手。他的女儿两岁半已经独立洗澡、独立吃饭，什么事情都自己独立，我一年每个月平均有两次讲座。每到一个地方讲座，五岁的孩子还在喂饭的。为什么我们的孩子不能在两岁半独立洗澡？从小到大的孩子我都观察了解，我就觉得西方的教育他们是把一个人的独立性的培养从小放在首位的，这跟我们中国有很大的差异。但是我们培养孩子的目标是什么？我们一定想让孩子有独立的精神、独立的思想，有自己独立生存的能力，这肯定是我们中国父母的培养目标。但是为什么我们在小的时候没有做到，但是为什么西方的父母做到了？我们肯定是有差距的，我们的做法肯定是有问题的。我们的孩子8岁了还在喂饭，8岁了还和爸爸妈妈睡在一起，不能独立睡觉，让他独立睡觉他说他害怕，到底什么原因？西方的电影当中对我困惑的问题和我思考的问题，我选择西方的电影，对我们有借鉴作用。

This is my thinking problem,At the movie process I have been wondering why western children so independent so independent,I have seen a western 20 year-old young fellow,I saw him first side give I was shocked,I was shocked by his eyes are very clean is very bright,Eyes are the Windows of the soul.I always pay attention to education from my child birth to now 20 years,I really pay attention to,I have to go to the China science and technology university students big observation,Special observation ShaoNianBan of college students,I see their eyes,See them walking motion,Look at their expression is what,I also see my son he to the kindergarten is a what state,In addition to his in the traditional education mode of growth,His middle school is a what state.I was just thinking,The college students' he came to China,He has 20 years old,His eyes with just born baby no difference,So clean so bright.Why my son in the junior high school of time,His eyes there is no childlike innocence,I feel very upset but very helpless,Can't let him 25 years old still keep eyes like a baby so clean and bright for the world is full of curiosity.The child's eyes I so far unforgettable,Blue eyes is very beautiful.He and I exchange process I also feel such children's independent,And I, educational park meet a few Germany to children,Germany a child is 18 years old,Just graduated from high school,He doesn't understand Chinese,He knows four languages but don't understand Chinese.But his parents why will let his son came to a language obstructed country,And can do a volunteer,He did everything the heart very quiet,But our children can't see,And our children 18 years old to let him go to a strange country don't know the language countries,How do we survive?How to get along with people?We Chinese parents seldom let them go.Western education must be worthy of our learning place,Through so many years I also saw a lot of books,Also looked at the many children,I just think,Western things which is worth us studying,Through the movie to look out for.They train children independence,Their children can begin his hand grasp something, began his grab something to eat,More than a year to two years old children can completely independent to eat.I am in the lecture process said children over two to four years old can be done completely independent bath,At that time have a guardian said,Mr Hu I now do a survey,His face two hundred parents say we all parents who have children can do in four years old before independent bath?There was no parents raise your hand.Last week I lecture in the field,Also has hundreds of a parent,I also ask this question,But only four parents raise your hand.Was in kindergarten have a German parents come to listen to,Germany's father,He doesn't understand Chinese,He hired a translation,The translation is slow a beat,The parents make a survey the father didn't raise your hand,Because translation has not translated,No hands.At that time I said,We can't do is not equal to our children can't do.Your children didn't do it,The parents say Mr Hu you see I do the investigation,We have no parents do,Your theory is wrong.My son 4 years old start independent bath,Ask him to independent pants clean,Put on your clothes come out again.He this behavior from 4 years old start until now insist on down.My sister's children 3 years old start independent your butt,She from 3 years old start their own independent bath wash independent ass independent face wash feet,Our children can do.After the lecture down German dad come looking for me,When the interpreter translated, slow him not enough time to raise your hand.His daughter two years half have independent bath/Independent eat,What are their own independent,I'm a year on average every two lecture.To a place each lecture,Children at the age of five in hello meals.Why our children cannot be in two years half independent bath?Since the childhood children know I have observed,I think the western education them is to put a person's independence from the training in the first place,This with our China has a big difference.But we develop the child's goal is to what?We would like to let the child have independent spirit/Independent thought,Have their own independent ability to survive,It is our Chinese parents' training target.But why are we in a small didn't do,But why western parents do?We are sure there is a gap,We practice must be have a problem.Our children 8 years old still feed rice,8 years old still and mom and dad sleep together,Cannot independent sleep,Let him independent sleep he said he is afraid,What reason?Western movie to I am confused problems and I thought,I choose western movie,We have to use for reference.

搜狐教育主持人： Sohu education host:您刚刚说的让我想到前一阵子在网上流传很广的一篇文章也是一位中国的家长写的，他就说他自己的目标是一直把孩子培养成一个有自主意识独立的人，但是慢慢进了学校以后发现学校的教育摧毁了他这六年来的教育观，您对于这篇文章提出的这个观点有什么看法？

You just said let me think for a while before on the Internet are widespread an article is also a Chinese parents wrote,He said his goal is to always put the child into a independent consciousness independent person,But slowly into the school later found school education destroyed his six years of education,Do you have for this article proposed the idea what view is there?

胡萍老师： Hu ping teacher:我第一次看到这个文章第一个感觉是这个妈妈正在经历我曾经经历过的困惑，我从小接触西方教育理念的书比较多，我吸取这样一些营养物质来充实我自己的教育，我也是这样想的。我儿子要独立自主，要有特色，我希望学校教育能够保持他独立的特质。我儿子的特质是一个爱思考喜欢打破沙锅问到底，而且对数理结构非常敏感的孩子。但是去到学校之后他的语文教学非常不喜欢，我们的语文教学是很死板的，扼杀孩子思想，比如他曾经跟我说过有一道考题是一个玻璃掉在地上了，碎了，让组一个词。我儿子就组了一个词忘了什么词，但是我记得标准答案是岁岁平安。我儿子组的词我忘了叫什么，他组的那个更适合，为什么要有标准答案呢？还有那种阅读理解。我们都知道一句话，一百个人读哈姆雷特有一百个哈姆雷特，为什么语文考试的阅读理解只有一个答案呢？这样对我的冲击很大。我就在想，学校教育是没有办法改变的，学校教育要把每个孩子都做成石膏的模型，把你打碎了放在那个机器里面不管你的特质是什么，不管你独立的思想是什么，把你打碎制造成一个一个标准的石膏模型出来。但是教育的本质是做根雕，这个根是什么样的形态，我们得根据这个根的形态做一个雕塑，让它最大化的实现它的艺术价值和它的人生价值，这才是教育。怎么办呢？我没有办法去改变，我也跟这个妈妈一样的困惑，但是挣扎完以后我就在想，我的力量我个人没有办法去改变学校，怎么办？只有改变我自己。我就告诉我儿子说，语文考试下来，他其它成绩都很好不用我操心，这个语文考试老掉在后面，这也是很多妈妈上学很头痛的问题，成绩怎么办？你说给他独特的教育，成绩下来怎么办？我做选择，让孩子适应那种标准答案需要的成绩还是他保持他独立的思想更重要？我就在想，一个人到了成年以后他进入社会是他的独立思考对这个社会更有价值更让他的人生能够有生存的机会，还是说他现在只顾眼前他的语文成绩能够达到老师的要求更有价值，这是要做选择的。这个挣扎对于我来说也是很痛苦的，我也希望他能够符合标准答案能够考到很好的分，能够去到很好的中学，能够上到很好的大学。但是上了大学出来干什么呢？他失去独立的思考和独立的精神以后，他又有什么用？作为一个生命来说，这是一个非常大的缺失。我作为他的母亲，我要让他的生命保持一个有价值的状态还是说我明明知道他这样做会失去这个最宝贵的生命价值，我该怎么来选择？最后我选择了我告诉他说，语文成绩考多少分是没有关系的，我们都不要去在乎这个语文成绩。我自己跟自己说，他的语文成绩越好对他的精神扼杀就越严重。我宁肯要他独立的精神，我不要他的成绩，这就是做父母的选择。可能有的父母老师不同意我的观点，这个没关系。每个人都有选择的权利，我是这样做选择的，你可以选择其它的。

The first time I saw this article first feeling is the mother is experience I have ever experienced confusion,I grew up contact western education philosophy book more,I learn from such nutrients to enrich my own education,I think so too.My son to be independent,Want to have characteristics,I hope the school education can maintain his independent trait.My son's trait is a love thinking like insist on getting to the bottom,But also for mathematical structure very sensitive children.But go to school after his Chinese teaching didn't like it very much,Our Chinese teaching is very rigid,Kill children thought,For example he once told me there is a examination questions is a glass fell to the ground,broken,Let the group a word.My son is group a word forget what word,But I remember standard answer is peace.My son group of words I forgot to call what,He that is more suitable for the group,Why do you want to have a standard answer?And that kind of reading comprehension.We all know that a word,One hundred people read Hamlet has one hundred Hamlet,Why language examination of reading comprehension is only one answer?Such a great impact on me.I just think,School education there is no way to change,School education to put every child make gypsum model,You broke on that machine inside whether you need??????,No matter you independent thought is what,Put your broken manufacturing into a a standard plaster model out.But the essence of education is to do root carving,The root is what kind of form,We must according to the root of the form to do a sculpture,Let it maximize the its art value and its life value,This is the education.How to do?I have no way to change,I also with this mother confusion,But after I struggle in want to,My strength I personally have no way to change the school,do?Only change myself.I will tell my son said,Language examination down,His other results are very good I don't worry about,This language examination old fall behind,This is also a lot of mother school very headache problem,Result to do?You said to his unique education,Results down how to do?I make a choice,Let the child adapt to the standard answer need grades or he kept his independent thinking is more important?I just think,A man came to adulthood, he entered the society is his independent thinking to the society more valuable more let his life to have the chance of survival,Still said he now consider only at present his language result can reach the requirement of the teacher is more valuable,This is to do the choice.The struggle for me also is very painful,I hope he is able to accord with a standard answer to take an examination of to very good points,Can go to a good school,Can go to a good university.But the university came out stem what?He lost the independent thinking and independent spirit later,He have what use?As for a life,This is a very big loss.I, as his mother,I want to let his life to keep a valuable state or said I knew he to do so will lose the most precious life value,How can I to choose?Finally, I chose I told him,How many points test language result there is no relationship,We all don't go to care about the language result.I said to myself,His language result more good to his spirit kill more serious.I would rather want him independent spirit,I don't want his grades,This is the choice of parents.May be some parents, teachers, don't agree with my view,This doesn't matter.Everyone has the right to choose,I am doing so choose,You can choose the other.