在家庭教育中，我们其实始终处在一个看不见的“场”中。当我们在家庭教育中发现问题的时候，问题往往不出在发现问题的地方，而出在这个“场”。现在，不少家庭教育，已经不可避免地陷入“负能量场”当中。

In the education of family,We are always in a invisible"field"in.When we found in the family education problems,Problems are often not the problems found in place,Out in the"field".now,Many family education,Has inevitably fall into"Negative energy field"of.

　　小时候，父母在孩子眼中是“整个世界”，但是随着孩子的成长，父母变成了“普通人”，不再那么高大。一年多前的一天，儿子满怀期待地拿着作业本让我讲解一道数学题，当我告诉儿子不会做那道题时，儿子报以长时间的沉默，然后悄悄走开。我意识到，从这一刻起，儿子心目中的“偶像父亲”坍塌了，父母不再是他的整个世界了。

When I was a child,Parents in the children's eyes"The whole world",But as a child's growth,Parents become"Ordinary people",No longer so tall.More than a year before the day,Son expecting to take exercise book let me explain a math problem,When I told my son won't do that when problem,Son with a long time of silence,And then slipped away.I realized that,From this moment,Son idea of"Idol father"collapsed,Parents are no longer his whole world.

　　实际上，当这个时刻来临时，很多父母往往还没能调试好心态，他们会使用各种方式维持自己的权威性，保持自己在孩子心中的高大形象。结果是，父母和孩子很容易形成对立，双方都端起了架子。这是一种面具与面具之间的竞争，双方脸上的笑容不见了。

In fact,When the time comes,Many parents often haven't debugging good mentality,They use a variety of way to maintain their authority,Keep yourself in the children heart tall image.The result is,Parents and children is very easy to form opposition,Both end up shelves.This is a kind of mask and the competition between the mask,Both sides face smile disappeared.

　　曾有一位教育学家说，父亲是孩子来到世间的第一个玩具。因为那个时候，父亲没有必要在孩子面前扮演那种高大的人。但是随着年龄的增长，父亲的权力意识开始抬头，这时，家庭“场”中的负能量便开始滋长。

There have been a education experts said,Father is children come into the world's first toys.Because at that time,Father didn't necessary in front of children play the tall man.But as the growth of the age,Father's power consciousness began to look up,At this time,family"field"The negative energy began to grow.

　　根据心理学家荣格的理论，无论是在家庭还是在社会中，权力和爱往往处于天平的两边，权力越大，爱就会越少。通常，母亲总会去爱那个最没有出息的孩子，而父亲总是更喜欢最有出息的孩子。因为父爱的理由是“他/她值得爱”，母爱的理由是“他/她需要爱”。之所以有这样的差别，就是因为父爱往往比母爱中更多了权力欲。

According to psychologist Jungian theory,Whether in the family or in the society,Power and love often is on either side of the balance,The greater the power,Love will be less.usually,Mother always to love the most futile children,And the father always prefer the golden child.For the father loves the reason is"He/she is worth love",A mother's love is the reason"He/she needs love".The reason for such difference,It is because the father loves the than a mother's love more the will to power.

　　在家庭当中，一旦权力欲抬头，家庭教育就沾染了“病毒”，父母抱着“我总是为你好”的理由，不断地向孩子输送负能量。父母浑然不知在子女的眼里，那是一个不断自我丑化的过程。

In the family which,Once the will to power up,Family education is the contamination"virus",Parents hold"I always good for you"reason,Constantly to child delivery negative energy.Parents in the eyes of the children unaware,It is a constant process of self to smear.

　　父母常会抱怨“孩子太不听话”，其实，孩子所谓的不听话是一种“习惯性不服从”和“逆反”，孩子只是在某种场景、某种权力下作出了这种反应，当这个“场”不存在的时候，他的“习惯性不服从”和“逆反”也会消失。

Parents often complain that"The child is not obedient",In fact,The so-called not obedient child is a kind of"Habitual don't obey"and"negative",The child is in a scene/Under a certain power made this kind of reaction,When the"field"When does not exist,his"Habitual don't obey"and"negative"Will disappear.

　　所以，父母尽可能消解自己的权力意识，是一辈子要做的功课。

so,Parents as far as possible eliminate their power consciousness,Is a lifetime to do homework.

　　但是，真正做到这一点也很难，问题还是出在沟通上。

but,Really it is difficult to,The problem was out on the communication.

　　语言与文字在释放信号的同时，也释放着噪音。我们认为自己表达的是这个意思，别人听了完全是另外一个意思。父母与孩子之间如果处于这样的状态，这时再进行教育的话，父母的每一个努力、说的每一句话，即使是对的，但是在这个错误的“场”里，也全成了错的。

Language and words in the release of the signal at the same time,Also release the noise.We think we expression is this meaning,Others to listen to completely is another meaning.Between parent and child if in that state,Then further education words,Parents' every effort/Every word,Even if it is right,But in the wrong"field"in,Also all become wrong.

　　其实爱里也是存在着冲突的，而且爱越深冲突越深。很多时候，一个人发出了善意的信号，另一个人没有感知到，就会产生冲突。

Love is actually there is conflict,And the deeper the deeper love conflict.Most of the time,A man made good signal,Another people don't perceive,Can produce conflict.

　　香港演员周星驰小时候父母离婚了，母亲带着他和两个姐姐一起生活，即使在最贫穷的时候，母亲每个月也会借钱给孩子们买两次肉吃。周星驰非常懂事，但是有一件事让母亲头疼，就是他不好好吃饭，尤其是当母亲买了肉以后，周星驰总是吃一两块，然后故意再夹几块，咬一小口就扔在盘子里。母亲觉得可惜，只好把他咬过的肉吃掉。有一次，母亲买了几个鸡腿，周星驰不好好吃，一下子掉在地上了。母亲再也忍不住了，拿起棍子就打。多年以后，周星驰和母亲一起做节目时，母亲提起了这件事，周星驰听完就流着泪说，自己是故意的。因为他看到每次买肉母亲从来不碰，就通过这样的方式让母亲吃肉。

Hong Kong actor Stephen chow parents divorced when I was a child,With his mother and two sisters live together,Even in the most poor,Mother every month will also lend money to children buy two meat to eat.Stephen chow is very sensible,But there is one thing let mother have a headache,Is he doesn't eat well,Especially when mother bought meat later,Stephen chow always eat one or two,Then deliberately to clip a few pieces,Bite a small mouth and then throw in the dish.Mother felt pity,He had to bite of meat eating.once,Mother bought some chicken leg,Stephen chow not delicious,Suddenly fell to the ground.The mother couldn't stand anymore,Picked up a stick dozen.Years later,Stephen chow and mother do together program,Mother filed a it,Stephen chow finish listen to and then said with tears,He is intentional.Because he saw every time buy meat mother never touch,Through this way let mother eat meat.

　　亲密的母子之情在这样的情形下，还能产生这么大的误解。想想在日常生活中，有多少噪音背后隐藏的信息我们没有解读出来。因此，父母在家庭教育中还要努力降低沟通过程中的“信噪比”。吴伯凡,《21世纪商业评论》主编（记者樊未晨 李洁言整理）

Close relationship of love in such a situation,Also can produce such a big misunderstanding.Think about in daily life,How much noise behind information we don't have read out.so,In the family education of parents try to reduce the communication process"Signal-to-noise ratio".WuBoFan,[The 21st century business review]editor(Reporters without LiJieYan finishing fan in the morning)