26岁的小王是家中的独子，从小到大，父母在兴趣、工作、生活方式上对他管束颇多。 “父母总是藐视我作出的任何成绩和决定。认为只有听他们的，才能走上正确的道路。”不久前，他把在外地的女友接到了身边，父母的严厉管束和种种否定，让他感到在女友面前大失颜面，最终他和父母爆发了一场激烈争吵，至今关系也没缓和过来。

26-year-old wang is the only son of home,size,Parents are interested in/work/On the way of life to his bundle quite a lot. "Parents always despised me make any achievement and decision.Think only listen to them,Can on the right path."Not long ago,He put in the field of girlfriend got side,Parents' strict bundle and a variety of negative,Let him feel lost face in front of his girlfriend,Finally he and parents a fierce quarrel broke out,So far no relationship to ease.

　　在子女的成长过程中，父母付出了难以计数的辛劳。但也有不少人感觉，一些父母习惯支配孩子的一切，过度干涉孩子的生活，让孩子没有自由。近日，中国青年报社会调查中心通过中国雅虎和民意中国网，对3328人进行的一项调查显示，76.5%的人表示身边过度干涉子女的父母很多，90.2%的人感觉父母这种做法会给子女带来很大压力。受访者中，70后占29.7%，80后占41.1%，90后占6.5%。

In the growth of the children in the process,Parents pay the difficult to count of hard work.But there are also a lot of people feel,Some parents to habit of all children,Excessive interference in the child's life,Let the children not free.recently,The China youth daily social survey center through the Chinese yahoo China and public opinion,Of 3328 people of a survey,76.5% said side excessive interference children parents a lot,90.2% of the people feel parents this approach will give children a lot of pressure.respondents,After 70 29.7%,After 80 41.1%,After 90 6.5%.

父母最容易在哪些方面干涉子女 Parents in what ways the most easy to interfere with their children

　　调查中，76.5%的人表示身边过度干涉子女的父母多，其中32.4%的人认为“非常多”。

In the investigation,76.5% said side excessive interference children more than their parents,32.4% of the people think"Very much".

　　“父母的有些干涉是不合理的，但子女若违抗，就落个‘不孝’的罪名。”今年刚刚大学毕业的李珂，曾在求职问题上与父母产生分歧。“那段时间几乎天天吵架，父母整天说白养了我20多年，我都要崩溃了。”李珂说，为了平息这场“战争”，她最终还是放弃了向往已久的工作，顺从父母的意愿去考公务员。

"Parents' some interference is not reasonable,But if their disobedience,Fall a‘unfilial’charges."This year just graduated from the university of LiKe,Once in the employment and the divergence parents."That time almost every quarrel,Parents all day long spoken parts in an opera kept me twenty years,I will collapse."LiKe said,In order to quell the"war",She finally gave up the yearning already a long time of work,Obey their parents intend to take an examination of civil servants.

　　父母最容易在哪些方面干涉子女？调查中，排在首位的“谈恋爱结婚”（78.2%），其次是“找工作和职业发展方向”（60.2%）。其他依次是：选择学校（59.3%）、选择专业（54.1%）、衣食住行等日常生活（42.5%）、培养下一代（37.7%）等。

Parents in what ways the most easy to interfere with their children?In the investigation,Row at the top of the"Love marriage"(78.2%),The second is"Looking for a job and career development direction"(60.2%).Followed by other:The choice of schools(59.3%)/Choose professional(54.1%)/Basic necessities of daily life(42.5%)/Train the next generation(37.7%)etc.

　　赵女士是一个14岁孩子的母亲。和很多家长一样，她无微不至地照顾孩子生活，“平日里给她洗衣做饭，陪她写作业、上辅导班，见她心情不好马上找她谈心。女儿却总抱怨我干涉她个人自由。”赵女士很困惑：关心子女成长和学习是家长的责任，怎么就成了干涉？

Ms zhao is a 14 years old the child's mother.Just like many parents,She will take care of child lives,"Daily to give her laundry cooking,Accompany her homework/Class on,See her in a bad mood immediately find her speaking.My daughter is always complain about interfering with her personal freedom."Zhao woman confused:Care about their growth and learning is the responsibility of parents,How to become interference?

　　“在‘父母是否过度干涉子女’的问题上，子女和父母的感受是不一样的。” 复旦大学心理学系副教授吴国宏说，“父母在孩子不需要的方面给予了过多的爱护或设定了过多的规则，或者在错误的时间错误地设定与其发展不相符合的规则，就会成为子女的压力，孩子就会感觉父母‘过度干涉’了自己的生活。”

"in‘Whether or not the parents excessive interference in children’On the question of,Children and parents feel is not the same." Fudan university associate professor, department of psychology WuGuoHong said,"Parents in the children don't need to give too much in love or setting too many rules,Or at the wrong time wrong to set and its development can not accord with the rule,Will become a children's pressure,The child will feel their parents‘Excessive interference’Her own life."

是什么导致父母过度干涉子女 What causes parents excessive interference children

　　父母过度干涉子女的原因是什么？调查中，59.3%的人认为是由于“望子成龙”等传统观念的影响；57.7%的人认为父母没有意识到孩子的人格尊严和独立性；55.4%的人指出一些父母自身成就感缺失，把希望寄托在孩子身上。

Parents excessive interference children of what be the reason?In the investigation,59.3% of the people think that is due"used"And the influence of traditional concepts;57.7% of the people think that parents didn't realize that the child's personality dignity and independence;55.4% of the people pointed out that some parents lack a sense of accomplishment itself,His hope in children.

　　吴国宏认为，父母过度干涉子女生活有四方面原因：第一，父母成长的社会背景和家庭背景有局限性，导致他们从自己阅历和期望出发教养子女，不了解孩子的真正需要和兴趣；第二，父母从经济和物质上给予子女支持，容易认为自己有权支配子女的一切；第三，独生子女家庭中，家长的全部注意力和希望集中在一个孩子身上；第四，社会转型时期，外界压力的增大加剧了父母的焦虑感和不安全感，导致父母对孩子进行强制性保护。

WuGuoHong think,Parents excessive interference in the children living there are four reasons:The first,The parents grow social background and family background have limitations,Lead to them from their experience and expectations on children education,Children don't know the real needs and interests;The second,Parents from the economic and material support to their children,It's easy to assume that he has the right to control all the children;The third,The only child in the family,Parents' full attention and hope to focus on a child;The fourth,In the period of social transformation,The pressure increase intensifies the parents' anxiety and insecurity,Lead to the parents and children are mandatory protection.

　　“父母过于相信自己的智慧和能力，而忽略了孩子的潜能。”教育学者陈建翔指出，抱有这种心态的家长容易按照自己认可的节奏和方式，强行给孩子灌“知识”、上规矩，不尊重其成长的自然规律，导致孩子不会独立思考和行动。“当这样的孩子需要面对复杂的社会生活时，父母就更不能‘放心’，进而持续‘包办’他们的人生。”

"Parents are too believe my wisdom and ability,And ignore the child's potential."Education scholars pointed out that y. h. Lin,Such an attitude of parents easily recognized according to oneself the rhythm and style,Forced to children irrigation"knowledge"/Rules on,Don't respect it long natural laws,Cause the child won't independent thinking and action."When such children need in the face of the complicated social life,Parents can't even‘Rest assured’,Then continue‘arranged’Their life."

“父母应该引导孩子完成社会化的过程，而不是代替孩子去经营他们的人生” "Parents should guide their children completed the process of socialization,And not to replace children to manage their life"

　　“父母把孩子当做心头肉，付出那么多，最终却招来他们的厌烦。”赵女士说，看着女儿跟自己距离越来越远，她感觉又失落又委屈。

"Parents send their children as treasured flesh and blood,Pay so much,But eventually bring their bored."Ms zhao said,Looking at her with my distance more and more far,She felt lost and injustice.

　　调查中，71.9%的人认为父母过度干涉子女，会导致孩子产生逆反心理；64.6%的人认为可能会让孩子形成自卑、怯懦、没有主见的性格；64.2%的人认为会导致孩子承受压力过大，影响其身心健康；53.8%的人认为可能导致孩子走上不适合自己的人生道路。

In the investigation,71.9% of the people think that parents excessive interference in children,Will cause the child to produce negative mentality;64.6% of the people think that may let the child to form inferiority/cowardice/No will of her own personality;64.2% of the people think that can lead to children under stress,Affect the physical and mental health;53.8% of the people think that may cause children to not suitable for own life path.

　　怎样才能建立良性的亲子关系？调查中，76.6%的人建议父母尊重孩子的个性和兴趣，只做必要的指导和建议；63.4%的人建议父母放弃自己的控制欲，注意探索科学的教育方法和相处方式；59.4%的人认为孩子也要理解父母的心情，多跟父母沟通。

How to set up benign parentage?In the investigation,76.6% of the people suggest parents respect the child's individual character and interest,Only do the necessary guidance and advice;63.4% of the people suggest parents give up their control to,Pay attention to explore scientific education method and way to get along with;59.4% of the people think that children will understand parents' mood,More communication with their parents.

　　“教育的前提是孩子生命潜能的发挥。”陈建翔认为，首先，父母应该认识到自身的知识和能力的局限，做一个观察者，抱着学习的心态去了解孩子，同子女一起成长；然后，父母要停止“包办”的做法，做一个协助者，把探索的权利归还给孩子，在他们需要时给予鼓励和理解。

"Education is the premise of the child life potential play."Y. h. Lin think,First of all,Parents should be aware of their own knowledge and ability of the limited,Do an observer,Holding the learning state of mind to understand children,With their children grow up together;then,Parents will stop"arranged"practice,Do a collaborator,The right to explore returned to the children,When they need to encourage and understand.

　　“父母应该引导孩子完成社会化的过程，而不是代替孩子去经营他们的人生。”吴国宏认为，家长应该在人格平等的基础上与孩子沟通，注重培养孩子的责任心和社交能力。“这会让孩子更乐意与父母交流，拉近双方关系，同时也能提高孩子作为一个社会人的自觉性。”

"Parents should guide their children completed the process of socialization,And not to replace children to manage their life."WuGuoHong think,Parents should in the personality on the basis of equality communication with your children,Pay attention to cultivate children's sense of responsibility and social skills."This will let the child more willing to communicate with their parents,Close relations between the two sides,At the same time also can improve the child as a society people's consciousness."

　　他提醒，子女也应该试着去理解父母。“父母不是天生的教育家，孩子和家长都需要给对方成长的时间。”（周易）

He reminded,Children should also try to understand their parents."Parents are not born educator,Children and parents need to give each other to grow time."(book)

　　(来源:中国青年报)

(Source: China youth daily)