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　　3岁以前分房睡会损害孩子安全感，上小学后分房睡可能导致其成年后患上精神疾病

Before the age of three time sleep will damage children a sense of security,After the primary school time sleep may lead to suffer from mental illness after it

　　分房睡也要考虑孩子心理年龄、胆量、独立性、对父母的依恋程度、家庭具体环境等因素

The children sleep also want to consider the psychological age/courage/independence/Parents of attachment/Family factors such as the specific environment

　　要不要跟孩子分房睡？孩子多大时分房睡？不同家庭有着不同的认知和做法，尤其是什么时候跟孩子分房睡，就连育儿专家也莫衷一是。广州医学院第一附属医院精神心理科主任余金龙认为，没能和孩子及时分房睡，原因通常不在孩子，而在父母，父母缺乏这方面的知识和经验，或是父母潜意识也有心结。他提醒说，太早分房睡和太晚分房睡都不利于孩子的心理健康。孩子3岁以后可开始考虑分房睡，5岁左右最适合，但上小学后还没分房睡，就有些晚。当然，具体情况也要因人而异，要看孩子的心理年龄、胆量、独立性、对父母的依恋程度以及家庭的具体环境等因素。

Don't sleep with the children?How old the child sleep time?Different families have different cognition and practice,Especially when the children with sleep,Even the parenting experts also unable to agree.The first affiliated hospital of guangzhou medical college mental section head YuJinLong think,Can't and children sleep time in time,The usual cause is not the child,And parents in the,Parents without this knowledge and experience,Parents or subconscious also have heart.He warned,The early and late sleep the sleep are not good for children's mental health.Children 3 years old can begin to consider the sleep,5 years old or so the most suitable,But after the elementary school haven't time to sleep,Just a little late.Of course,Specific conditions will vary from person to person,To see the child's psychological age/courage/independence/To parents' attachment degree and family factors such as the specific environment.

　　医学指导/广州医学院第一附属医院精神心理科主任余金龙

Medical guidance/first affiliated hospital of guangzhou medical college mental YuJinLong of director of division

　　

典型案例：30岁男人需跟母亲睡同一个房 Typical cases:30 years old men need to sleep with mother in the same room

　　余金龙说，在他治疗的病人中，不少是儿时到了很晚还跟父母一起睡的，有的是到了十多岁，甚至是到了20多岁还跟父母睡一张床。“我治疗过一个难治性强迫症男患者，他已有10多年的病程，辗转到多家医院治疗。让人印象深刻的是，已经30多岁的他，尽管家里有很多房间，却还要跟母亲睡在同一间房。上个月，他爷爷去世时，他一定要妈妈坐在他床边给他讲故事才能睡着。”

YuJinLong said,In his treatment of patients,Many is the childhood late sleep together with their parents,Have a plenty of the more than ten years old,Even in more than twenty years old is a bed with their parents."I treat a intractable obsessive-compulsive disorder male patients,He has ten years of course,Toss to several hospital for treatment.Impressive is,Has more than 30 years old,Although home have a lot of room,But even with the mother sleep in the same room.Last month,His grandpa died,He must mother sat on his bedside to his story to fall asleep."

　　

3岁前分房睡：会损害孩子的安全感 Before the age of 3 time sleep:Will hurt the child's sense of security

　　“什么时候跟孩子分房睡，并没有标准的答案，但太早太晚都不好。”余金龙说，至少要等到孩子满3岁后才考虑分房睡。余金龙认为，孩子太小时跟父母分房睡会损害孩子的安全感。如果让孩子在3岁前跟母亲分离，孩子就可能会认为母亲没有了，或认为被母亲抛弃了，从而伤害到心灵。

"When the children to sleep,And there is no standard answer,But too late is bad."YuJinLong said,At least until the child full 3 years old before considering time to sleep.YuJinLong think,Children with their parents too hours time sleep will hurt the child's sense of security.If let the child in 3 years ago with the mother separation,Children may think mother have no,Or think is mother abandoned,Thus damage to heart.

　　他说，对于不到3岁的孩子，由于自我完全没有独立生存的能力，没有了母亲是一件十分恐怖的事情，孩子长大后可能会缺乏自信和安全感、疑心重、没有信任他人的能力等问题。

He said,For less than three years old,Because the ego no independent ability to survive,Without a mother is a very horrible thing,The child grew up may lack of confidence and a sense of security/Suspicion heavy/No trust others problems such as ability.

　　“为什么有的孩子在3岁前，会有一件特别喜爱的东西，如一个公仔或一条毛巾，每晚睡觉时一定要抱着睡？”余金龙解释说，这是因为这个年龄孩子的脑海中还没有形成一个完整的母亲形象，于是，在孩子的潜意识里，这个公仔或毛巾就是母亲的象征，抱着它睡，就可以确保母亲不会离开。所以，即使很旧很脏了，你也很难从孩子身边拿走它。因此，让3岁以前的孩子跟父母分房睡，对孩子来说是一件很可怕的事情。

"Why do some children before the age of 3,There will be a favorite things,Like a doll or a towel,Every night sleep must embrace sleep?"YuJinLong explained,This is because the age of the child's mind has not formed a complete image of the mother,so,In the child's subconscious,The figures or towel is the symbol of the mother,Embrace it sleep,Can ensure that a mother will not leave.so,Even if is very old very dirty,And it's difficult to take it away from children around.so,Make 3 years old children sleep time with their parents,In the child, is a very terrible thing.

　　

上学后分房睡：成年后可能患上精神疾病 After school time to sleep:Adults may suffer from mental illness

　　“同样，太晚跟孩子分房睡，孩子成年后则有可能患上某些精神疾病或产生心理问题。”余金龙说，比如产生各种焦虑障碍或神经症、人格障碍、适应性障碍、性心理障碍、人际关系困难等。

"The same,Too late to the child to sleep,Adult children is likely to have some mental illness or psychological problems."YuJinLong said,Such as produce all sorts of anxiety disorder or neurosis/Personality disorder/Adaptability obstacle/Psychological obstacle/Interpersonal difficulties, etc.

　　弗洛伊德认为，在孩子的性蕾期(4~6岁)，孩子会对异性父母产生恋情，对同性父母产生嫉妒，以及由竞争而生憎恨。弗洛伊德称这种三角关系为“恋母情结”，他认为恋母情结是人在成长过程中都要经历的，这一情结是通过与同性父母的认同而得以克服的，并且在克服这种焦虑的过程中，孩子逐渐会拥有 “超我”。但如果因为种种原因，其中包括孩子过晚跟父母分房睡，就会导致孩子的性心理停滞在这个阶段，因此成为孩子长大后患焦虑症、强迫症或神经症的核心原因。

Freud think,In the child's sex budding period(4 ~ 6 years old),The child will produce to the opposite sex parents love,Gay parents to envy,And by the competition and raw hate.Freud says the triangular relationship"Oedipus complex",He thinks that Oedipus complex is in the process of growing up the had,This is a complex with gay parents' identity and be able to overcome,And in the process of overcoming this anxiety,Children will have gradually "superego".But if for some reason,Including the children with their parents to sleep too late time,Will lead to the child's psychological stagnation in this stage,Therefore become the children to grow up for anxiety/The core reason for disorder or neurosis.

　　他说，他曾经治疗过的一个男孩患了社交恐惧症，都读高中了，每晚都还要妈妈陪他睡才能睡得着。“每天晚上，他的父亲都要等他们母子睡了以后，才去把孩子的母亲抱回自己的房间。”

He said,He had treated a boy had social phobia,Are in high school now,Every night to sleep with his mother to sleep."Every night,His father has to wait for their mother and child sleep later,Just go to the child's mother held back to his room."

　　余金龙同时指出，有些女孩也会有恋母行为。“现在这种现象好像还越来越多，尤其是父母关系不和、单亲家庭和父亲地位过低的家庭，更应重视这个问题。”

YuJinLong also pointed out,Some girls will have maternal behavior."Now this kind of phenomenon is more and more like,Especially for parents with relationship/The single parent family and the father low status of the family,More attention should be paid to the problem."

　　

专家建议：5岁左右较适合分房睡 Expert advice:5 s suitable for time to sleep

　　余金龙建议孩子3岁以后可以考虑分房睡，5岁左右分房最适合，“如果上小学以后还没有跟父母分房睡，就有些晚了”。

YuJinLong suggest children 3 years old can consider sleep time,5 years old or so the most suitable time,"If after the primary school with their parents have not time to sleep,Was a bit late".

　　“为什么5岁左右分房睡最适合呢？”余金龙说，4~6岁是性蕾期，孩子在5岁左右，开始意识到男女之间的性差异，这成为确立自身性别认同（即确认自己是男性还是女性）的基础。细心的家长会发现这个时期孩子的性行为相对较活跃，如手淫、大腿夹紧等。所以，这个时候家长与孩子分开睡，可以给他们自己的空间，培养孩子形成独立的人格。

"Why do 5 s the most suitable time to sleep?"YuJinLong said,4 ~ 6 years old is sex budding period,Children in 5 years old,Began to realize that the sex differences between men and women,This become established their own gender identity(That is to ensure you are male or female)foundation.Careful parents find this period the child's behavior is relatively active,Such as masturbation/Thigh clamping, etc.so,This time the parents and children sleep separately,Can give their own space,Cultivate children to form independent personality.

　　不过，他说，对于坚决不愿分房睡的孩子，也不要强逼，家长要多动脑筋想想有什么孩子可接受的办法，例如，可以通过奖励的办法诱导孩子分房睡，如果成功了，第二天，应对孩子的勇敢行为给予及时的肯定和表扬。通常在一周后，孩子就很乐意自己一个人睡了，并且从此大多不愿意再跟父母睡。

but,He said,For the resolute don't let the children sleep,Don't compel,Parents think to think about what the child acceptable way,Such as,Can through the reward way to encourage your child to sleep time,If successful,The second day,Deal with the child's bravery to give timely affirmation and praise.Usually in a week later,The child is very happy to own a person sleep,And from now on most don't want to sleep with their parents.

　　

小贴士：跟孩子分房睡有技巧 Tips::The children sleep with a skill

　　1.如果条件允许，尽量让孩子的房间在自己的视线范围内，以便于随时观察孩子的情况；

1. If the condition allows,Try to let the child's room in their line of sight range,In order to observe the situation of children at any time;

　　2.刚开始分房睡时，一定要在睡前陪伴孩子，拥抱孩子；

2. The first time when sleeping,Must accompany children at bedtime,Hugs children;

　　3.睡前给孩子讲故事或跟孩子一起看书，让孩子做好自己入睡的心理准备；

3. The children are going to tell a story or with your child reading,Let the child well prepared myself to sleep;

　　4.孩子入睡前尽量不要太兴奋，不要看电视，不在睡前批评、斥责孩子；

4. The children before they go to sleep as far as possible not too excited,Don't watch TV,Not bedtime criticism/Rebuked the children;

　　5.临睡前让孩子排空小便，尽量不起夜；

5. Let the children sleep emptying urinate,Try not to night;

　　6.告诉孩子，你的房门不会锁门，只要他需要帮助，一定可以得到帮助；

6. Tell the child,Your door won't lock the door when you leave,As long as he needs help,Can get help;

　　7.当孩子生病或遇到挫折时，父母可以与孩子暂时同睡，待孩子康复后再让其独自睡。（文/记者黄蓉芳）

7. When a child is ill or when setbacks,Parents can temporarily and children with sleep,For children rehabilitation again let it to sleep alone.(Wen/reporter HuangRongFang)