女：“哪条法律规定过年女人一定要回婆家？”

female:"Article which law Chinese New Year women must return husband's family?"

　　男：“这不需要法律规定，这是人之常情。”

male:"This does not need to be law,This is human nature."

　　这是电视剧《新结婚时代》里的一段经典对白。

This is the TV[The new marriage age]In a classical dialogue.

　　随着春节的临近，类似的情景在许多“双独”夫妻之间真实上演：春节团圆，该回哪个家过年？

With the approach of the Spring Festival,A similar situation in many"Double alone"The fact is that between husband and wife:The Spring Festival reunion,The back which home New Year's day?

　　记者调查发现，近期被“回谁家过年”问题困扰的“双独”小夫妻还真不少。很多小夫妻因此争吵不休，翻脸、冷战，更有甚者到了闹离婚的地步。

Reporter survey found,Was recently"Whose Chinese New Year to"The problems"Double alone"The young couple also really many.A lot of small husband and wife so bickering,Fall out/The cold war,What's more to the point of getting divorced.

　　

过年到底该回谁的家？ New Year's day on the back to who's home?

　　农历腊月廿三小年这天，正在单位加班的李跃收到一条短信：“过年回我家，就这么定了。行就行，不行年后各过各的……”

The lunar month 23 off year this day,Is the unit work overtime of li yue, receive a message:"Chinese New Year back to my home,So be it.Line will do,Not all over the years……"

　　短信是妻子小赵发来的。李跃呆呆地看着这条短信，愁眉不展。

SMS is wife from xiao zhao.Li yue gawk this message,Even when you are sad.

　　李跃是兰州本地人，小赵来自酒泉市，都是“80后”独生子女。今年是他们结婚的第三个春节，此前两年，他们都在兰州过年。今年刚进腊月，小赵提出过年回酒泉市陪父亲，但遭到了婆婆的坚决反对：“媳妇娶进门就是我们家的人，哪有大年三十在娘家过的？初二才能回娘家！”

Is li yue lanzhou locals,Little zhao4 zi3 from jiuquan city,are"After 80"one-child.They got married this year is the third Spring Festival,After two years,They are in lanzhou Chinese New Year.This year just in winter,Little zhao4 zi3 puts forward New Year jiuquan city back with his father,But by the mother-in-law's firmly opposed:"Marry daughter-in-law is entered our family,Which have big thirty in her mother's?Return to there!"

　　小赵一听就落泪了。由于母亲早逝，她一直由父亲拉扯成人。结婚后，因工作繁忙，她和丈夫每年只能去一次酒泉，“我爸退休后一直没事干，没人陪，都快抑郁了。今年说啥也得回酒泉……”

A little zhao4 zi3 will hear the tears.Due to the premature death mother,She has been the father pull adult.After marriage,Because the job is busy,She and her husband only once a year to the jiuquan,"My dad has nothing to do after retirement,No one to accompany,All quick depression the.This year, say what can get back to the jiuquan……"

　　一边是母亲，一边是妻子，半个多月来，夫妻俩从争吵到谈判，谈崩后冷战，“现在谁都不理谁，仅是短信交流……”

Side is the mother,Side is the wife,For more than half a month to,A couple from the quarrel to the negotiations,Talk after collapse of the cold war,"Now who all ignore who,Is only SMS communication……"

　　跟李跃相比，小谭的情况更为糟糕。小谭和妻子都是外地人，为过年回家的事，两人已经争吵了很久。几天前，吵得实在没办法，两人采取了一种最原始的方法决定回家的事：石头、剪刀、布，三局两胜，谁赢回谁家。结果小谭赢了，但妻子却认为他出手慢了，要求重来。后来，俩人商议抓阄决定“回谁家”。谁知，妻子输了后，却再次耍赖，还说小谭在中间作弊。面对妻子的“无理取闹”，小谭火冒三丈，“啪”就给了一巴掌……

Compared with li yue,XiaoTan situation worse.XiaoTan and his wife are foreigners,The home for Chinese New Year,Two people have been arguing for a long time.A few days ago,The noise there is no way,Two men took one of the most primitive way of decided to go home:stone/scissors/cloth,Two wins three innings,Who win back whose.The results XiaoTan won,But his wife but think him out of the both,Requirements back to.later,Two people took counsel to cast lots"Whose back".but,His wife lost after,But again play to depend on,Also said XiaoTan cheating in the middle.In the face of his wife's"Make trouble without a cause",XiaoTan fire emit three zhangs,"pa"Gave a slap in the face……

　　“结婚两年了，我们吵归吵，但完了就没事了，没想到为这事动了手……”小谭为自己的行为懊悔不已，更为回家的事苦恼。

"Married for two years,We are noisy to noisy,But finished just fine,Thought is the hand motion……"XiaoTan for his own behavior a remorseful,The more home distress.

　　年关临近，跟李跃一样，被“回哪个家过年”问题困扰的小夫妻还真不少。

Near the end of the year,As with li yue,was"Back to the house of which the Chinese New Year"Problems of small husband and wife really many.

　　过年回哪个家？真的很难选择。

New Year's day back which house?Really hard to choose.

　　

都不想让自己父母孤单 Do not want to let their parents alone

　　记者调查发现，虽然在传统观念里，儿媳回婆家过年天经地义，可如今的独生子女夫妻群体，观念与以前大不一样，越来越多的儿媳不愿意墨守成规。

Reporter survey found,Although in the traditional concept,Back to the husband's family daughter-in-law's Chinese New Year,But now only child of the husband and wife group,Concept and we were before,More and more daughter-in-law is not willing to scholasticism.

　　几天前，兰州某机关单位的小江向丈夫提出一起回娘家过年时，丈夫的态度很坚决：“不可能，我不能把我父母放在家里不管！”

A few days ago,Lanzhou one agency unit small rivers to her husband and put forward New Year return together,Her husband's attitude very firmly:"Can't,I can't leave my parents at home no matter!"

　　小江觉得，丈夫当时的语气让她难以接受，“难道嫁给了你，我就必须得陪你回家过年？”小江认为双方都是独生子女，一样挣钱养家，凭什么要委屈自己的父母“独守空房”？

Ao think,Her husband was tone let her hard to accept,"Don't marry you,I will have to accompany you to return home for the New Year?"Ao think both are only children,Earn money for the family as,With what want to injustice their parents"fluffier"?

　　采访中，小江的丈夫也觉得很无奈，认为妻子应该体谅他，“正月初二回娘家也不迟”。

interview,Ao husband also feel very helpless,Think a wife should make allowances for him,"2 the return is not late".

　　“这是‘80后’独生子女夫妻面对的一个共性话题。”兰州理工大学教授、社会学专家高琴认为，伴随着中国进入老龄化社会步伐的加快，“80后”“双独”小夫妻过年回家已经成为一个社会问题。

"This is‘After 80’One-child couples face a common topic."Lanzhou university of technology, professor/Sociology experts GaoQin think,With China's entry into the quickening pace of aging society,"After 80""Double alone"The young couple home New Year's day has become a social problem.

　　高琴称，独生子女政策实施三十多年来，中国人口结构发生了深刻的变化，传统的儿女双全的复合式家庭结构模式已经慢慢被4个老人、一对小夫妻、一个孩子的“421”式的直线家庭结构所替代。由于家庭结构的变化，随之带来的不仅仅是严峻的养老问题，更有严重的家庭伦理缺陷问题。作为独生子女家庭的父母，子女结婚后，他们便承受起缺乏亲情抚慰的孤独晚年。

GaoQin says,One-child policy implementation thirty years,China's population structure has profound changes,The traditional children both compound family structure modes has been gradually replaced by four old man/A pair of small husband and wife/A child's"421"Type of straight family structure has been replaced.Due to the change of family structure,The resulting is not only the severe endowment problem,More serious family ethical defects.As the one-child family parents,Children after marriage,They will bear up the loneliness of old age and lack of love.

　　在几十年前，每个家庭兄弟姊妹多，自己回不了家，兄弟姊妹可以照顾父母。而现在，独生子女除了扛起繁重的生活压力，心里还要想着如何孝顺父母，而他们的父母因为孤寂，对过年团聚更是望眼欲穿。

In a few years ago,Every family more brothers and sisters,Yourself to go home,Brothers and sisters can take care of their parents.And now,Only children in addition to carry heavy life pressure,The heart also thinking about how to filial piety parents,And their parents because of loneliness,On Chinese New Year reunion is dream.

　　“夫妻双方都不想让自己的父母过得太孤单，从这个层面上来说，夫妻双方都占理，过年回谁家都可以理解。”高琴说。

"Both husband and wife don't want to let their parents have too lonely,From the words,Both husband and wife ZhanLi,New Year's day back to who can understand."GaoQin said.

　　

妥善解决回家问题 Properly solve the problem to go home

　　“过年回谁家，怎么回？每个‘80后’‘双独’家庭都会面临这样的问题，关键看你怎么解决。”采访中，小杜向记者透露了她的回家计划：邀请住在西宁的父母来兰州和公婆一起过年，一起吃年夜饭，晚上一家人K歌。初一上生态园娱乐，初二和丈夫陪父母回西宁。

"Back to Chinese New Year which,How to?each‘After 80’‘Double alone’Family will face this problem,The key to see how do you solve."interview,XiaoDu has revealed her home plan:Invite live in lanzhou and xining parents to celebrate the New Year in,Together on New Year's eve,In the evening the family K song.On the first square entertainment,2 and her husband to accompany their parents to xining.

　　“老人们都很乐意，他们也想通过过年一起聚聚。”眼下，小杜整天忙着购物，准备年货。

"Old people are willing to,They also want to get together with the Chinese New Year."the,XiaoDu busy all day shopping,Often ready to.

　　记者在采访中发现，跟小杜一样，将“过年回谁家”问题妥善解决的小夫妻还真不少：有的小夫妻将双方父母接到一起过年，有的则“君子协定”，今年回你家，明年到我家，还有的带着双方父母外出旅游，更直接的一种方式则是：“各回各家，各找各妈”……

Reporter in the interview found,As with XiaoDu,will"Back to Chinese New Year which"The matter was settled properly little husband and wife really many:Some small husband and wife will be both parents to celebrate the New Year,others"A gentleman's agreement",Back to your house this year,Next to my house,And with both parents traveling,A more direct way is:"Back to their homes,Each to find the mother"……

　　“过年回谁家，重在相互理解、容忍。”小杜说，在这个问题上，夫妻双方应该坐下来，心平气和地商谈，看哪个家更需要回？“如果针锋相对，只能使夫妻关系越来越糟糕……”

"Back to Chinese New Year which,Focuses on understanding/tolerate."XiaoDu said,In this problem,Both sides of husband and wife should sit down,Calmly discuss,See which need more back home?"If tit for tat,Can only make the spousal relationship is more and more bad……"

　　高琴称，由于生活、工作等原因，很多独生子女成家后都远离父母，在这种情况下，夫妻双方把回家的时机不要全放在春节，“五一”“十一”及平时休假也可以回家探亲。孝顺父母，不应该仅仅体现在过年，更应该在平时“常回家看看”，多陪陪老人。

GaoQin says,Because life/Work and other reasons,Many only children away from their parents after marriage,In this case,Both sides of husband and wife go home the time don't all in the Spring Festival,"The May Day""11"And usually leave can also visit home.Filial piety,Should not only reflected in the Chinese New Year,I should be more in peacetime"Go home often",Spending more time with the old man.

　　

回家之争 事小问题大 Home for big things small problem

　　“过年回谁家，事小问题大。”兰州大学教授苏云称，这个问题表面上“80后”小夫妻的家庭矛盾，但实际上，问题的根源来自于社会现实，比如有春节火车票难买，两地回家不方便；比如休假制度不健全，一年才能回一次家等因素。

"Back to Chinese New Year which,Things small problem big."Lanzhou university professor SuYun says,The problem on the surface"After 80"The young couple family conflicts,But in fact,The root of the problem from the social reality,Such as the Spring Festival to buy train ticket,And it is not convenient to go home;Such as holiday system is not sound,A years to return a house, etc factors.

　　“因为回家过年引发的家庭矛盾显然已成为一个社会问题，如果这个问题解决不好，小则影响到一些家庭的生活和睦，大则关系到整个社会的和谐稳定。”高琴称，对于小夫妻因为过年回家吵架、打架，甚至离婚的现象，不能仅仅局限在质疑年轻人对待婚姻的态度和价值观上，而应该透过这些现象来反思，整个社会应该如何面对这类情况的普遍存在，应该如何协调老人渴望孩子回家团聚与孩子因为客观原因无法完全满足老人愿景的矛盾。

"Because home New Year cause family conflicts apparently has become a social problem,If the problem solving is bad,Small impacts to some family life in peace and harmony,Big is related to the whole social harmony and stability."GaoQin says,For small husband and wife for New Year's day home quarrel/fight,Even the phenomenon of divorce,Not only limited in question to young people's attitudes toward marriage and values,But should through these phenomena to reflection,The whole society should be how to face this kind of situation generally exist,How to coordinate the old man desires for their home reunions and children because the objective cause cannot completely meet the contradiction between the old man vision.

　　“年轻人应该在自身上找原因。”高琴指出，现在的年轻人对亲情的聚合能力和照顾老人的能力要比他们的父辈们可差一些。他们更喜欢的是自由自在的假期和放松，甚至是宅起来看碟，大睡，或者上网休闲。对于双方父母的亲情抚慰可能他们更习惯用寄钱、网聊等方式来弥补。而到了春节才想起如何孝顺父母，这样一来，夫妻双方都很看重回自己家过年，互不让步，矛盾由此升级，甚至闹到不可开交的地步。

"Young people should be in their own to find the reason."GaoQin pointed out that,Young people nowadays to sentiments of the polymerization ability and the ability to take care of the old man than their parents' generation can be sent some.They are more like is free holiday and relax,Even home up to see a disc,Big sleep,Or online leisure.For both parents and family may they are more used to send money/Network chat, and other ways to make up for.By the Spring Festival to remember how to filial piety parents,so,Both husband and wife is very dear to his new home,Mutual concessions,Contradictions thus upgrade,Even to the point of a bee.

　　采访中，社会学家建议，现在“双独”子女组成的家庭，肩上的担子很重，作为独生子女的家长们，也应该多体谅他们，不要给孩子们增加心理负担，共同寻找更加实际、有效的方法，让家庭更和谐、生活更幸福。(文中当事人系化名)（记者 齐兴福）

interview,Social scientists suggest,now"Double alone"The children of the family,Burden is heavy,As the singleton female parents,Also should show more thought for them,Don't give the children increase psychological burden,Common looking for more practical/Effective method,Let the family more harmonious/Life more happiness.(The party system alias)(Reporter JiXingFu)