生母和继母，孩子更喜欢哪个？这种在常识中设定了答案的问题，被一个8岁女孩推翻了。江宁区某小学二年级女生小乐因为在作文里写，更喜欢后妈，不喜欢亲妈，被她的亲妈刘女士责罚一顿。老师请来儿童心理咨询师与小乐沟通后，又与其母亲进行了交流。专家指出，现代社会的家庭结构中，越来越多离异家庭的孩子成长环境已由过去的“单亲家庭”变为“多亲家庭”，如何呵护孩子成长，也对父母们提出了更多的要求。

Mother and stepmother,Which children like better?The setting in the common sense answer problem,Challenged by an eight-year-old girl.A second-grade girl XiaoLe jiangning area because in composition writing,Prefer a stepmother,Don't like mother,A meal by her mother liu.The teacher invited children psychological consultant after XiaoLe communication,And has carried on the exchange with its mother.Experts point out that,Structure of the family in modern society,More and more divorced families children growing environment has been developed from the past"Single parent families"Into a"How close family",How to care for children to grow up,Also puts forward more requirements on the parents.

作文里说亲妈不如后妈，被亲妈打肿了脸 Composition to act as matchmaker mom be a stepmother,Is mother dozen swollen face

　　上个周末，江宁区某小学二年级语文老师杨老师给班上孩子布置了写作练习，要求写自己的妈妈。周一收上来作文一看，8岁女孩小乐写的是，妈妈经常批评她，也不给她买东西。她不喜欢妈妈，喜欢李阿姨。因为李阿姨不批评她，星期天会陪她玩。

Last weekend,Jiangning district some elementary school second grade language teacher Yang teacher to the children in the class a writing exercise,Asked to write their own mother.Ended up writing a look on Monday,Eight-year-old girl XiaoLe wrote,Mother often criticized her,Don't buy her things.She doesn't like mom,Like lee aunt.Because lee aunt don't criticize her,Will accompany her to play on Sunday.

　　杨老师就这篇作文与小乐的母亲刘女士沟通时才知道，原来小乐父母已经离异，平时由母亲带，双休日，在外出差的父亲会回到南京，接女儿到自己家。而孩子所说的李阿姨，是父亲的现任妻子，孩子的后妈。

Yang teacher the composition with XiaoLe mother liu know communication,The original XiaoLe parents have divorced,At ordinary times brought by his mother,Double cease day,His father will come back to nanjing on a business trip outside,Daughter to her home.Aunt li and children said,Is his father's wife,The child's stepmother.

　　在老师办公室里，小乐母亲非常痛苦。她没想到自己一个人辛辛苦苦带孩子，孩子竟然不喜欢她，还说后妈比亲妈要好。杨老师开导了小乐母亲一番，并请她别把孩子话往心里去，也建议她今后对待女儿多一些尊重。“临走时，她答应得好好的，说会反省。可没想到，第二天上学时，小乐的脸有些肿，心情也很不好。再一问，说是因为作文的事，头天晚上被妈妈打的。”

In the teacher's office,XiaoLe mother is very painful.She didn't know a man worked so hard to take their children,Children don't like her,Also said stepmother is better than the mother.Yang teacher teach XiaoLe mother,And please don't take her children to heart,Also advised her to treat daughter more respect in the future."When he left,She promised,Said will reflect on.But I didn't think,At school the next day,Some XiaoLe face is swollen,The mood also is very bad.Ask again,Because the composition of matter,Mom played last night."

　　这一幕让杨老师非常心痛，也后悔自己没能真正帮到母女俩。为了帮助孩子尽可能减少心理阴影，当天课间，杨老师求助金陵晚报，并请记者联系了离学校不远的同仁医院，请该院儿童VIP门诊儿保科主任、高级心理保健师南方女士为小乐及时做了心理沟通疏导。

This scene let Yang teacher very heartache,Also regretted that he didn't really help the mother and daughter.In order to help the children as much as possible to reduce the psychological shadow,On the day of the break,Miss Yang for help the jinling evening news,And please contact the tongren hospital not far from the school,Please analyse the protect of VIP clinic/Advanced mental hygienist southern lady done for XiaoLe timely psychological communication channel.

女孩想跟爸爸过，现实不允许 Girls want to talk to dad,Reality does not allow

　　在南方的引导下，小乐渐渐打开心扉，一阵痛哭之后告诉这位南阿姨，爸爸妈妈是两年前分开的，一年之后爸爸和李阿姨结婚。从上小学开始，她每周一到周五和妈妈共同生活，双休日爸爸就来接到他那边去。妈妈工作不忙，更多精力就是带她。“每天放学接回家，妈妈就看着我写作业。作业写不完就不给吃饭。也从来不带我出去玩，哪里不对了就批评我，有时还会打屁股。我猜她根本不喜欢我……”而那位李阿姨，在双休日父亲把她接过去时，就会三口人一道出去玩，或者看电影。在孩子记忆中，阿姨从来没批评过她，还经常买玩具礼品给她。可是，她不敢把东西带回家里来，因为妈妈会扔掉，说影响她学习。

Under the guidance of the south,XiaoLe gradually open up,Aunt told the south after a burst of tears,Mom and dad are separated two years ago,Dad and aunt lee got married a year later.Since primary school,She and her mother live together every Monday to Friday,Double cease day dad went to hear from him over there.Mother work is not busy,More energy is to take her."Every day after school to go home,Mom looked at me with homework.Can't finish the homework is not to eat.Never take me out to play,Where is wrong just criticize me,Sometimes spanking.I guess she doesn't like me..."And the aunt lee,In double cease day when his father pulled her through,Will be three people to go out to play,Or watching a movie.Memory in children,Aunt never criticized her,Also often buy toy gift to her.but,She dare not to put the things back to home,Because his mother would throw it away,Said her study.

　　到末了，女孩跟咨询师提出一个要求：“既然妈妈这么不喜欢我，为什么还要带着我呢？我多么希望爸爸来带我啊！这样妈妈会不会快乐一点？”

To the end,Asks a girl with consultants:"If mother doesn't like me so,Why with me?I wish dad to take me!So mother will happy a little?"

　　校方获知这一信息，辗转联系到小乐的父亲，得知父亲并不具备固定陪伴孩子的条件。他的工作性质就是在省内到处出差，现在住的地方离孩子学校也远，也因此，他每个双休都会把孩子接到身边去。女儿的心声，让他也很痛苦。可他也表示，目前状态下，也只能把女儿交给前妻来带。

The school know this information,And contact to XiaoLe father,Learned that his father does not have fixed to accompany the child's condition.Of the nature of his work is all over the province on a business trip,Now live in school is far away from children,And therefore,He will around the child received every double cease.Daughter's voice,Let him also very pain.But he also said that,Current state of,Also can bring daughter to his former wife to.

心理疏导后，孩子暂时原谅亲妈 After psychological counseling,Baby forgive mother temporarily

　　再侧面了解小乐母亲的意见，她也根本不愿意把女儿交给前夫：“给他不就等于给后妈了吗？那孩子会被宠坏的！”

Side again understand XiaoLe mother's opinions,She don't even want to give her daughter to her ex-husband:"Give him not equals to a stepmother?The child will be spoiled!"

　　为谨慎起见，咨询师没有告诉她这是女儿的心愿，同时，又针对这一情况继续做孩子心理工作，引导她看到，妈妈对她的严格要求，与阿姨的宠爱一样，都是在爱她，只是方式不同。妈妈有时发脾气动了手，她自己也很后悔痛苦。“爸爸妈妈和阿姨，都是爱你的，可因为他们是不同的人，所以爱你的方式也不同。也有时，不完美的他们会伤害到你。你可以试着，去看到他们的爱，再宽恕他们的伤害吗？”

To be prudent,Consultant didn't tell her this is her daughter's wish,At the same time,Again for this situation to continue to do children's mental work,Guide her to see,Mother to her strict requirements,Like the aunt's favor,Are in love her,But in a different way.My mother sometimes temper move his hand,She is also very regret the pain."My father and mother and aunt,Is love you,Because they are different people,So love the way you are different.Also sometimes,Not perfect, they may hurt you.You can try to,Love to see them,Forgive their hurt again?"

　　一句话让女孩哭了起来，又说出很多母亲爱她的细节，继而表示，她不会再怪妈妈了。可同时，她也非常希望，妈妈以后对她能好一些。

A word let the girl cry,And a number of mother love her details,And then said,She won't blame mom again.At the same time,She is also very hope,Mom for she to be able to better in the future.

修复亲情，母女俩互相道歉 Repair the family,They apologize to each other

　　校方再次尝试与小乐母亲刘女士联系时，她也正在后悔自己的冲动。得知孩子已经接受了心理疏导，并且为了孩子，咨询师也希望与她单独沟通时，她没有拒绝。坐到咨询师面前，她抖动着双肩，哭了好久好久。

When school officials try again to contact XiaoLe mother liu,She is also regret their impulsive.That child has accepted psychological counseling,And for the children,Consultants also hope to communicate with her alone,She didn't refuse to.Sit to the consultant,She shake her shoulders,Cry for a long time for a long time.

　　她承认，前夫再婚一事，她本来就有些气恼，自己辛辛苦苦带女儿，周一到周五都是紧张学习的日子，她也根本没时间陪孩子玩。到了双休日，孩子就被接走快活了。这些，为了孩子，她可以接受。可没想到她的一切付出，竟被女儿完全否定了。“难道就由着她惯着她吗？他们都惯成那样了，我再不严一点，还怎么得了？”

She admits,Of her ex-husband remarried,She would have some warmth,Their hard with his daughter,Monday to Friday are nervous learning day,She has no time to accompany children to play with.The double cease day,The children are away happy.these,For the children,She can accept.But all her pay,Daughter was completely denied."Don't let her spoil her?They are always like that,I'll a bit is lax,How can have?"

　　等刘女士诉说完毕，南方协助她做了“空椅法”。这过程里刘女士自己突然发现，她对前夫的不满与前夫幸福生活的嫉妒，有时也会迁移到女儿身上，而转为对女儿的伤害。而孩子从自己视角所看到的“亲妈不如后妈好”，其实她也不必当真，因为这个年龄阶段的孩子，还不能完全理解母亲的苦心，也很正常。

Such as liu complained of,The south to help her to do"The empty chair method".Liu himself suddenly found in this process,Happy life with her dissatisfaction with her husband's jealousy,Sometimes migrate to the daughter's body,And to the harm of daughter.The children from their own perspective"Mother is inferior to a stepmother",In fact she also don't have to take it seriously,Because children at this age of,Also can't fully understand mother's hard,Also is very normal.

　　之后，咨询师又安排母女俩一起做了沟通。妈妈向女儿道歉，女儿也为自己没能理解妈妈而表示对不起。抱头痛哭后，母女俩的冲突得以和解。

after,Consultant did communication and arrangement of mother and daughter together.Mother apologized to my daughter,Daughter said I'm sorry for failed to understand his mother.After sorrow,Mother and daughter of the conflict to reconciliation.

　　孩子心理伤痕的修复，与母女俩互动状态的调整是个长期过程。刘女士又约了南方继续后期的咨询服务。“我和孩子一样，都需要理解和支持。”(保护未成年人，文中母女为化名) 金陵晚报记者 吴聪灵

Children's mental wound repair,Interact with the mother and daughter state adjustment is a long-term process.Liu later again about the south continue to consulting services."I like children,Need to be understanding and support."(Protect minors,The mother and daughter is not her real name) Jinling evening news reporter Wu Congling

专家建言： Expert advice:

“多亲家庭”子女更需尊重与阳光 "How close family"Children need more respect and sunshine

　　接受金陵晚报记者采访时，南方女士指出，类似情况在过去咨询中也碰到过。“也有过一个孩子，父母离异后跟着父亲和继母生活。她就总说继母不如生母，继母很苦恼无法走进孩子的心里去，就带着孩子来找我咨询。”在她看来，不论孩子得出哪个结论，都需要做父母充分理解并正确对待。“现在离异家庭增多，独生子女的生活环境也由过去的单亲家庭结构，逐渐转变成以多亲家庭为主，一个孩子常常是在离异父母两边轮流生活。这时，不论亲父母还是继父母，有四个原则建议尽可能遵守。第一是，不要把成人之间的恩怨带到孩子身上去，大人的事与孩子无关，要允许孩子自由地去接受所有亲人的爱，也可以喜欢所有亲人；其二，不管孩子跟哪一方生活，都应当尊重孩子的想法与感受，真正地关心孩子，根据孩子所在年龄阶段的特点去呵护；第三，父母不仅仅要关心孩子的生活与学习，更要关注孩子的感受与身心健康；最后，孩子一天有近8小时在学校生活，如父母离异，最好让老师知道，以便于家庭与学校配合，有针对地关爱孩子。南方也曾遇到过，一对夫妻离婚好多年了，老师还不知道，平时活动还会让孩子喊父母一道来之类，孩子不能生活在阳光下，心理就容易压抑扭曲。”不论父母在一起还是分开生活，他们给予孩子的，都应当是爱与呵护，是尊重中的陪伴。父母离异导致的“多亲家庭”结构越来越多，这种结构应当如何给孩子提供良好的成长环境，需要家庭、学校与社会的共同关注。 (吴聪灵)

Jinling evening news reporter interview,The south, says ms,Similar situations in the past also met in consulting."And have had a child,Parents divorced and live with her father and stepmother.She always said stepmother as mother,Stepmother distressed can't into the child's heart,Take their children to seek me consultation."In her opinion,No matter what conclusions,Do parents fully understand and properly treated."Now divorced families,Only child's living environment and the structure of single-parent family in the past,Gradually transformed into with close family as the core more,Children are often in a divorced parents on both sides of life in turn.At this time,Both parents and stepparents,There are four principles suggest to abide by as much as possible.The first is the,Don't put the feud between adult to the child,Adult things has nothing to do with the children,Children should be allowed freedom to accept all relatives of love,Can also enjoy all family members;The second,No matter children with which party life,Shall respect the children's ideas and feelings,Really concerned about their children,According to the characteristics of the child's age to care for;In the third,Parents should not just care about the children's life and learning,More attention to the feelings of children with physical and mental health;The last,Children has nearly eight hours a day in the school life,As parents divorced,It is better to let the teacher know,In order to cooperate with family and school,Have to care for children.The south had encountered,A pair of husband and wife divorce for many years,The teacher also don't know,Activity at ordinary times still can let children shout parents join us,Children can't live in the sunshine,Psychological distortion is easy to suppress."No matter parents life together or separately,They gave to her child,Should be love and care,Is respect of the company.His parents divorced"How close family"Structure is more and more,This structure should be how to provide good environment for their children,Need to be family/Common concern of the school and society. (Wu Congling)

(附：小乐作文)我的妈妈 (Attached to the:XiaoLe composition)My mother

　　我的妈妈个子很高，长长的头发，眼睛不大不小。妈妈每天早上做饭给我吃，送我上学，每天放学接我回家。妈妈经常批评我，我喜欢的东西不敢找妈妈要，妈妈说买玩具就没钱吃饭，我和她都会饿死的。妈妈不陪我玩，还会骂我。我不喜欢我的妈妈，我喜欢李阿姨(编者注：指继母)，李阿姨每天都不批评我，她很开心，星期天就陪我玩。

My mother is very tall,Long hair,Eyes are small.Mom to cook for me every morning,Send me to school,Pick me up come home from school every day.Mother often criticize me,I like things can't find mum,Mother said that buy toys have no money to eat,She and I will starve to death.Mother didn't accompany me to play,Also will scold me.I don't like my mother,I like aunt lee(Editor's note:Refers to the stepmother),Aunt lee don't criticize me every day,She is very happy,He accompany me to play on Sunday.

　　我希望妈妈也开心一点，我喜欢看到妈妈笑。妈妈一批评我就很不开心，太不开心了。

I hope mother is happy,I like to see mom laughed.Mother a criticism I would not be happy,Too not happy.