二、有效沟通的秘诀：关注孩子的情绪，让孩子感受幸福的存在 two/The secret of effective communication:Pay attention to children's emotion,Let children feel the existence of happiness

　　我们家长要在学习上怎样给他营养呢？相信、肯定、鼓励、欣赏。这是我们在学习上给孩子的营养。我们给孩子的爱，我觉得真的是所有家长都给到了。但是怎么样欣赏孩子、鼓励孩子、肯定孩子，你把这样的营养给到孩子，他的学习动力就来了，很愿意去学习。一个孩子只有他愿意去学习。我觉得他就差不离了。就算他考了80分，他只要有愿意学习的动力，我就觉得真的会好起来。第一，我们要给孩子向上的生命力。如果我们把孩子向上的生命力看到了，并且给到了孩子需要的阳光、雨露和水分的话，孩子就会长成一棵参天大树。

Our parents in learning how to give him a nutrition?believe/sure/encourage/appreciate.This is we are learning to children's nutrition.We give the child's love,I think that really is all parents give to.But how to appreciate the child/Encourage your child/Sure children,You have such a nutrition give to children,His study power will come,Very unwilling to learn.A child only he unwilling to learn.I think he is the ChaBuLi.Even if he took an examination of 80 minutes,As long as he is willing to study power,I think it would be really well.The first,We want to give the child upward vitality.If we put the child up to see the vitality,And give to children need sunshine/The rain and dew and moisture words,The child will grow into a towering tree.

　　第二，我觉得我们应该尊重孩子的独一无二。这两张照片是今年5月6号我在北京植物园拍的，5月6号有牡丹，牡丹开的非常好。我那天6点起来去植物园看牡丹。当时的牡丹开的正盛的时候，牡丹园里面拍照的人特别多，我也拿着相机在那儿拍。我突然听到我的头顶有嗡嗡嗡的声音。我发现牡丹花下面是山楂花，山楂花当时也开着，但是没有人注意到它。蜜蜂在那儿采蜜。我自从做了家庭教育工作以后，我有点职业病，看到这两朵花的时候我想到了孩子们。我们有的孩子是不是就是牡丹花，但是有的孩子就是山楂花。春天的时候牡丹很惹眼，非常漂亮，是不是就像很多小孩在小学的时候老考双百一样。所有老师、所有同学的眼光都在他身上。有的孩子就是山楂花，他小学的时候可能就是考八十分，我们可以说这个孩子不好吗？但是大家往后看，到了秋天的时候，山楂变成了什么样，山楂树变成了什么样。牡丹花呢？大家想一想，作为家长我们是不是能够等一下这个孩子，等一下这个山楂树到秋天的时候给我们惊喜，给我们丰富的果实。我们能不能把心态变成这个样子？我们的孩子就算考了80分，我们看没看到这个孩子每天也写作业写到晚上9点才能睡觉？这个过程我们明白，才能知道他说的是什么。其实我们大人应该看到的是我们孩子的过程，是我们孩子虽然现在稍微弱一点，但是他会有一天，他也许到工作上的时候，他就是一个成功的企业家，或者成功的政治家。看看我们的家长，周围的朋友们，有几个说他就是北大、清华毕业的？但是我们敢说我们自己不成功吗？不优秀吗？所以我们的孩子真的是家长要用这种心态等一等现在看来不那么优秀的孩子。这是第二点，我们应该尊重我们孩子的独一无二，他做的事情就是他希望做的事情，我们只要给他欣赏、赞美。牡丹在春天里惹人眼，山楂在秋天里骄傲。

The second,I think we should respect the child's uniqueness.The two photo is this year May 6 in Beijing botanical garden I took,On May 6 a peony,Peony open is very good.I that day 6 point up to botanical garden to see the peony.The peony open is when filled,Inside the garden pictures of people much more special,I also took the camera to shoot there.I suddenly heard my head have buzzed voice.I found the peony flower is hawthorn,Hawthorn flower was open,But no one noticed it.Bees gather honey in there.Since I do the family education after work,I'm a little occupational disease,See the two flowers when I think of the children.We some children is it peony,But some children is hawthorn flower.Spring peony very eye-catching,Very beautiful,Just like many children in primary school when the old exam as contradiction.All teachers/All students eyes were upon him.Some children is hawthorn flower,He may be the primary school take an examination of eight very,We can say that the child is bad?But you look back on,When the autumn,Hawthorn become what kind of,Hawthorn become what kind of.Peony flower?You think,As parents we will be able to wait the child,Wait the hawthorn to the autumn when give us surprise,For our rich fruit.Can we put the mentality be like this?Our children even took an examination of 80 minutes,We have seen the child every day also wrote homework 9 o 'clock at night to sleep?This process we understand,To know what he said.In fact we adults should see is our children's process,Are our children although now a little weak point,But he will one day,He may to work on,He is a successful entrepreneur,Or a successful politician.Look at our parents,Friends around,There are several said he is north/Graduated from tsinghua?But we can say that we do not succeed?Not excellent??So our children really is parents want to use this kind of mentality wait now it seems not so good children.This is the second point,We should respect our children's unique,He do is he wants to do,We just give him appreciate/praise.In the spring a peony in the eye,Hawthorn fruit in autumn pride.

　　第三，如果要跟孩子很好沟通的话，我们一定要关注孩子的情绪。并且帮助孩子们把情绪及时的疏导出去。孩子的情绪到底来源是什么？这是我从网上找的一个图片，这就是我们现在的孩子。我们的孩子真的是很累，在这样累的情况下，我们的孩子们能没有情绪吗？我们知道孩子有情绪，但是孩子的情绪从哪里来？今天初中和高中的家长比较多。但是初中和高中的孩子情绪到底有哪些来源？我自己感觉，第一个来源应该是来自他自身的来源。初中和高中的孩子，他们长的太快了，我们用日新月异说都差不多。初三的孩子中考完了，男孩子还是1.65米，到高一上学的时候可能变成1.75米了。有一个家长跟我说，两个月的时间孩子一下撺的很高。身体的成长对孩子也是带来困惑的。他觉得初中时候他的嗓音，我可以唱贵妃醉酒，尖尖的。高一了，嗓子一下变得非常浑厚，这个孩子会不会有情绪？突然觉得找不着北了，刚立了一个志，过了一段时间，这个志不知道在哪了。他身体也长了，上了高一学习成绩也有变化了。这个时候孩子的情绪就来了。困惑的情绪会带来一些烦恼。我们家长是不是看到了这个东西，如果看到了，把这个东西当做正常的话，我们家长还那么纠结吗？我们要看到这一点，刚才有几张照片就是我女儿在我们家里发生冲突的事情，烫头发、穿衣服。后来我女儿跟我沟通说，很多事情你不用管我，我要留什么样的头发、穿什么样的衣服，你不要管我，你管也白管，因为我一早就出去，很晚才回来，你根本不用管。这是上了大学以后她跟我沟通的。她说比如我高考报志愿的时候，我喜欢学纯文科的，你花费了很多精力在网上，全国各个学校我要学的专业都给我搜集、整理出来。当我在报志愿的时候我一看就一目了然，我应该选什么学校、什么样的专业。我觉得这样的事情你应该管。她说其实我要你管的时候我就告诉你，我就会让你管的，我不让你管的事情你别管。我们老觉得我们应该很多事情管着孩子，孩子又觉得我长大了，我好多事情可以作主。所以矛盾就来了。第一个来自他自己，第二个来自社会。

The third,If you want to with children is very good communication words,We must pay attention to children's emotion.And help children put emotion timely dredge out.The child's emotional exactly source is what?This is my from online looking for a picture,This is our children now.Our children are really very tired,In such a tired cases,Our children can't have emotions?We know that children have emotions,But the child's emotions come from?Today, junior and senior high school parents more.But junior high school and senior high school children mood exactly what source?I feel,The first source should be from his own source.Junior high school and senior high school children,They long too fast,We use change with each passing day said the same.The third day of the children had tests,The boy is 1.65 meters,The higher school can become 1.75 m.One of the parents say with me,Two months of time a child Cuan of very high.The growth of the body of children is also bring confused.He felt that junior middle school when his voice,I can sing drunken beauty,pointed.Higher the,His throat once become very vigorous,The child will there be emotional?Suddenly feel unable to find north the,Just made a volunteer,After a period of time,This he does not know where.His body is long,In the higher learning achievement also have changed.This time the feeling of their children is coming.Confused mood will bring some trouble.Our parents is see this thing,If you look at the,Put this thing as normal word,Our parents are so ravel?We want to see it,Just a few picture is my daughter in our home things of the conflict,A perm/Wear clothes.Then my daughter said to communicate with me,A lot of things you don't mind me,I want to leave what kind of hair/Wear what kind of clothes,You don't tube I,You tube also white tube,Because I go out early,Very late,You simply don't tube.This is on the university after she told me communication.She said such as my college entrance examination newspaper volunteer time,I'd like to learn the pure arts,You spend a lot of time on the Internet,The national each school, I want to learn professional to I collect/Sorted out.When I quote volunteer time I will at once be clear at a glance,I should choose what school/What kind of professional.I think such a thing you should tube.She said that in fact I want you tube of time I will tell you,I will let you tube,I don't let you tube things you don't.We old think we should be a lot of things tube the child,Children and think I grew up,I'm a lot of things can rule the roost.So contradiction is coming.The first comes from his own,The second from society.

　　初中和高中的孩子面临非常严峻的考验，中考和高考。中考和高考对一个孩子的内心的影响太大了。去年的考试我感触非常深，过一段时间就哭鼻子。你知道我是怎么做的？他哭我就搂着他哭，我说你伤心吗？那就哭吧。情绪怎样让他去舒展？不要讲太多话，我们坐在那儿等着他。我原来的一个老师说，照你这样的那可完了，安乐是什么意思呢？老师可能是无意中说出来的一句话，但是对我们的孩子来说，你今天晚上回来可能写作业都写不好。家长呢？孩子今天回来很生气，我们看到了吗？我们问问这个孩子，我们用什么样的办法来让这个孩子不要再在这种情绪里面影响他。我们看到孩子学校的老师、同学，同学之间也会有的。还有家庭，如果爸爸妈妈对孩子的教育，我们都给他压力。我们家里来了客人，只要这个孩子是学生，来了第一句话问，这个孩子学习怎么样。如果我们的孩子是前五名的学生，家长也好说，孩子也光荣，孩子也会说我这次考第四。但是如果我们的孩子是家里的倒数第几，这个时候我们家长心里难受，作为学习的主人，孩子的心情能好吗？这个时候家长应该做什么？这是孩子的情绪，如果我们看到孩子的这些情绪，了解了，我们家长应该如何去做，如何去疏导我们孩子的情绪。家长如何去疏导孩子的情绪？第一，家长首先应该把期待降低。当我们的孩子有情绪的时候，我们的家长一定要允许我们的孩子有情绪，要接纳孩子有情绪，然后再去疏导情绪。

Junior high school and high school kids face very serious trials,Mid-term exam and the university entrance exam.Mid-term exam and the university entrance exam to a child's heart too much influence.Last year's exam I feeling very deep,Over a period of time snivel.You know how I do?He cry I'll hug him cry,I say you are sad?Then cry.Mood how to let him go to stretch?Don't talk too much,We sat there waiting for him.I had a teacher said,The way you can be finished,Happiness is what mean?The teacher may be inadvertently speak a word,But for our children speaking,You may come back this evening writing assignments are written well.Parents??Children come back today is very angry,We see?We ask the child,We use what kind of method to let the children don't in this emotional inside influence him.We see the children school teacher/students,Between the classmate also can have.And the family,If mom and dad to children's education,We all give him pressure.Our home to the guests,As long as the child is a student,To the first word asked,The child learning.If our children are the top five students,Parents or said,Children are also glory,Children will also say I take an examination of the fourth.But if our children are home reciprocal which,This time we parents a heart in afflictive,As the host of the study,The child's mood can good?This time the parents should do?This is the feeling of their children,If we see their children's these emotions,Understand the,Our parents should how to do,How to ease our children's emotion.The parents how to dredge the child's feelings?The first,Parents should first of all look forward to reduce.When our children have emotional time,Our parents must allow our children have emotions,Want to accept children have emotions,And then to ease emotional.

　　我们和孩子们的关系，己所不欲，勿施于人。大家看到这一幅图，放学以后，我们的孩子都这样了，家长还拿着那么厚的练习册让孩子去做。有一个家长跟我说，我的孩子上了高中，一进家门就知道玩。我问他，你的孩子早上几点起床，几点进的教室，几点吃饭，下午几点放学，晚上几点睡觉？这个家长跟我算，这个孩子睡觉的时间不到八个小时。家长很迷惑，不知道我为什么跟他算账。我说，现在已经剩下了三个半小时，在这三个半小时你想让孩子做什么？我们上班八个小时，我们老板再给我们一点额外的工作，我们愿意做吗？他说不愿意。我说那一样的。孩子放学以后，跟我们家长下班以后，到底是不是一样呢？这是不是家长不愿意做额外活的时候，让孩子做额外的活？己所不欲，勿施于孩子。我们现在的孩子很辛苦，尤其是上高中的孩子。昨天我的微博上有一个小女孩跟我留言说，昨天上了高一以后，比初三还要累。上高中以后，孩子自己的时间很少，如果我们爱自己的孩子的话，别光念着学习，孩子各方面的东西都需要。

We and the children's relationship,To others what you would not have,Don't expect people to.You see this picture,After school,Our children are so,Parents also take so thick workbook let children to do.One of the parents say with me,My child on the high school,Take a door will know that play.I asked him,Your child morning,Several into the classroom,Eat some,Some school in the afternoon,Some sleep at night?The parents is with me,The child sleep time less than eight hours.Parents are confused,Don't know why I settled accounts with him.I said,Has now left three and a half hours,In the three and a half hours you want to let the children do?We work eight hours,Our boss give us a little extra work,We would like to do?He said that is not willing to.I said the same.After school the children,Parents with us after work,Whether or not you say?This is the parents don't want to do extra life,Let children do extra work?To others what you would not have,Others in the children.We are now children very hard,Especially in high school children.Yesterday I micro bo has a little girl with me a message said,The higher yesterday after,Than grade and tired.In high school,Children their own little time,If we love their children words,Don't read the learning,The children all aspects of things need.

　　我女儿在家时，我说的最多的就是：闺女，去外面玩一玩吧，跟妈妈去外面走一走吧。到了高三，我女儿说有你们这样的家长吗？别的家长都觉得孩子学的不够，你们老觉得我学的太多，老拉我出去玩。但是我觉得，如果我们不把我们自己不要的东西强加给孩子的话，我们的孩子会回报我们的。我自己也没有想到我女儿在高三的时候很努力的学了一年，最后考上了很好的大学。我自己也在总结，就是因为你前面很放松，然后到了高三的时候，她突然明白说，我要赶紧学习，要不学习就来不及了。她就很发力，这是后劲。我们要攒那个劲。

My daughter at home,I say most is:girl,To play outside,With my mom went to take a walk outside it.The three,My daughter said have you so of parents?Other parents think that children learn enough,You old think I learned too much,Old pull me out.But I think,If we do not put our own things don't imposed on children said,Our children will return our.I don't think my daughter is in high school time is very hard to learn for a year,Finally admitted to a good university.I also in summary,It is because in front of you relax,Then the three of the time,She suddenly understand said,I want to learn,Or learning is too late.She is very hair force,This is staying power.We want to save the trouble.

　　我们的家长小时候没有弹过琴，就让我们的孩子去学弹琴。我们给孩子的爱，到底是爱还是折磨？我们用孩子感受到幸福的爱去爱孩子，而不是让我们的孩子感到折磨。

Our parents when I was a child did not play a piano,Let our children to learn harps.We give the child's love,What is love or torture?We use the children feel the happiness of love to love children,And not let our children feel torture.