很多父母都抱怨自己无法和孩子进行沟通，很多孩子也经常会说和父母没有共同语言。有一句话说的很好：“人，之所以害怕是因为彼此之间不了解，相互不了解是因为彼此没有进行很好地沟通”。松下幸之助有句名言：“企业管理过去是沟通，现在是沟通，未来还是沟通。”在家庭环境里，沟通也同样重要。如果家庭成员之间没有沟通，整个家庭氛围就会充满紧张和焦虑，也正是因为缺少了沟通，亲子之间才会有了更多的不愉快。父与子、母与女这种父子和母子关系是世上最亲近的关系，是血浓于水的关系，是任何关系所不能替代的，可是，很多问题的产生也恰恰因为这种亲密关系。

Many parents complain that their children can't and communication,Many children also often say parents have no common language.Say well:"people,Are afraid because each other do not understand,Don't know each other each other because no good communication".Some have famous saying:"Enterprise management in the past is communication,Now is the communication,The future or communication."In the family environment,Communication is also important.If no communication between family members,The whole family atmosphere will be full of tension and anxiety,It is also because of the lack of communication,Parent-child will have more unpleasant.Father and son/Mother and daughter this father and son and mother and child relationship is the most close relationship,Is the relationship between the blood is thicker than water,Any relationship is irreplaceable,but,A lot of questions have also just because of this kind of close relationship.

　　之所以不用考虑就脱口而出是因为面对的是自己的孩子，之所以能够置之不理、置若罔闻是因为那是自己的父母。

Is don't have to consider will blurt out because with their children,Are able to ignore/Turn a deaf ear to because that is his parents.

　　做家庭教育以来，每天都要接待前来咨询的父母和孩子，第一次接触的时候，亲子之间都会带有一种火药味，亲子之间没有了亲情，有的只是横眉冷对，父母大发雷霆，孩子沉默以对，为什么会是这样呢？经过这么多年的研究发现，其实，问题本没有想象中的那么严重，开始的时候都是一些小事情，小问题。可是，最终为什么会变得不可收拾，成了破坏亲子感情的一把利剑呢？就是因为彼此之间沟通的模式出了问题，我总结了12种父母错误的沟通模式，这些模式在父母和孩子进行交流的开始就已经错了。

Do family education since,Everyday want to receive to come to consult the parents and children,When the first contact,Parent-child with a strong will,Parent-child have no family,There are only defy,Parents furious,Children with silence,Why is that?Through the years, the study found,In fact,The questions not imagination of so serious,At the beginning of the are a few small things,Small problem.but,Why would eventually become unmanageable,A good relationship between parents and damage of a sword??It is because the mode of communication between a problem,I summarized the 12 parents wrong communication model,These patterns in the parents and children to communicate has been wrong.

　　

1、命令、控制、威胁、警告 1/command/control/threat/warning

　　你给我闭嘴，不许说话，再不闭嘴就把你关进小黑屋里去

You give me to shut up,No talking,Don't shut up will get you put into the house to black

　　现在就回去把没有完成的作业写完，否则就别想睡觉

Now go back to the unfinished homework done,Otherwise, they don't want to sleep

　　不允许你和小朋友出去玩，如果不听话就别回家了

You are not allowed to go out to play with the children,If not obedient don't go home

　　赶快把你的房间打扫干净，要不然就不要吃饭

Hurry up your room clean,Or you don't eat

　　再不起床，有你的好果子吃，看我怎么收拾你

Don't get up,Have your good fruit to eat,See how do I pick up you

　　我警告你再哭就要打你了，不许哭了

I'm warning you cry again will hit you,No cry

　　

2、建议、唠叨、说教、给方法 2/Suggestions/nagging/sermon/Method to

　　你不应该那样，你应该这么做才对

You shouldn't,You should do this to

　　你要听老师的话，不要和老师顶嘴

Do you want to listen to the teacher's words,Don't talk back to the teacher

　　要好好读书，将来要做一个有出息的人，否则就要捡垃圾

To study hard,The future will be a productive person,Otherwise you will pick up garbage

　　你按照我说的去做肯定没有问题

You done as I told you do not have a problem for certain

　　不听老人言吃亏在眼前

Don't listen to the old man's a sight

　　建议你主动地给老师承认错误，好好的检讨自己

Suggest you actively to the teacher to admit a mistake,Good review yourself

　　

3、评价、指责、否定、贴标签 3/evaluation/accused/negative/labeling

　　你就是一个不听话的坏孩子

You are a naughty bad boy

　　做任何事情都是三分的热度坚持不了多久

Do anything is three points heat can't hold out much longer

　　早就知道你考不出好成绩的

Early know you test a good result

　　就是你的错，说再多也不能掩盖你所做的事情

Be you of wrong,Said to also can't cover up the things you do

　　做事不想清楚，丢三落四的

Things don't want to know,Forgetful of

　　这件事情就是你做的不对，还不承认

This thing is you can't do it right,Would not admit

　　

4、讲道理、摆事实、研究分析 4/reasonable/On the facts/Research and analysis

　　只有考上大学才会生活的更好，用心读书吧

Only admitted to university life will be better,Attentively reading it

　　这件事情你如果听话就不会这么麻烦了

This thing if you obey is not so trouble

　　你换一种方式想一想，就会好一些了

You change a way to think about it,Will be better

　　老师有的时候也不容易也会出错的

The teacher sometimes also not easy will go wrong

　　你这个年龄只有好好地念书，否则什么事也做不了

Your age is only a good study,Or do anything

　　你这样做是不是因为你遇到了什么问题

You do this if you meet what's the problem

　　

5、比较、打骂、挖苦、嘲笑 5/comparison/Beat and scold/sarcasm/Laugh at

　　你看人家小明多听话、多乖啊，你再看看你

You see somebody else's xiao Ming more obedient/Much good ah,You will see you

　　别再说大话了，就你那样子还能考出好的成绩

Don't say the big words,You like that can get a good result

　　考了这么点的分数还有脸吃饭

Take the few points and face to eat

　　就知道哭，你还有别的本事吗

Will know that cry,Do you have any other skill

　　你的言行太让我失望了，你个笨蛋

Your words and actions really let me down,You idiot

　　

6、审问、怀疑、明察暗访 6/interrogation/doubt/Conduct a thorough investigation

　　你什么开始不想上学的，怎么不早说

What do you start doesn't want to go to school,How late say

　　真的是你做的吗，我才不相信呢

Really you do,I don't believe it

　　我问过你的老师和同学了，他们都这么说

I asked your teacher and classmates,They all say so

　　你昨天放学以后都干什么去了

You are doing after school yesterday

　　我跟踪你好几天了，老实交代吧

I follow you for a few days,Honest metasomatism,

　　以上6种错误的语言模式成为了亲子沟通的障碍，当父母开口说话的时候就已经给沟通设置了一道屏障，这道屏障阻断了感情的纽带，让亲子关系越来越紧张。这是因为，当父母这样对孩子说话的时候，孩子会在这些话里听到一些不好的信息，本来父母只是想通过这些话语让孩子知道其中的缘由，没有打算伤害孩子。但是，孩子有孩子的思维模式，这套思维模式会根据自己的需要来解读父母所说的每一句话。并且当父母说话的时候都带有负面的情绪在里面，甚至有的父母认为“养不教，父之过”管教孩子是天经地义的事，有什么错可言的。父母们没有考虑到以上这些语言模式会深深地刺疼孩子的心，会让自己的孩子越来越没有自信，使他们感到内疚和无能，在这种模式环境之下成长起来的孩子，时间久了就会对父母产生敌意，同时会感到父母并不爱自己，这种想法也会让孩子对父母有防范之心，再也不会和自己的父母说心里话了。

Above 6 kinds of wrong language model become the parent-child communication barriers,When parents the mouth will have to set up a barrier to communication,This barrier blocking the emotional ties,Let the parent-child relationship is more and more nervous.This is because,When parents do this to children talk,Children in these words will be heard some bad information,Original parents just want to through these words let the children know that one of the reasons,Not going to hurt the child.but,Children have the child's thinking mode,This thinking mode according to their own needs to interpret parents said every word.And when their parents are talking with negative emotions inside,Even some parents say"Keep not to teach,Father of"Discipline their children is the thing of perfectly justified,What is wrong.Parents are not considering these language mode will deeply pain stabbed the child's heart,Will let their children more and more have no confidence,Make them feel guilty and incompetent,In this mode under the environment of the children grow up,Time for a long time to parents hostility,At the same time feel parents don't love yourself,This idea will make children to parents have prevention of heart,Never and his parents said the mind.

　　要想孩子说话，自己首先要改掉以上6种错误的语言模式，让自己少说多听，用心去感受孩子的感受，带着真诚和信任去倾听孩子内心的世界。

Speak to the children,The first thing you want to change above 6 kinds of wrong language mode,To speak less and listen more,Work hard to feel the feelings of children,With sincerity and trust to listen to your child inner world.

　　最后引用最美乡村教师陈万霞老师的话：“走进孩子的心灵世界，比教给孩子知识更重要”。

Quoted the most beautiful village teacher ChenWanXia the teacher's words:"Into the child's mind world,Teach your child is more important than knowledge".