二、拥有爱，更要拥有爱的能力 two/Have love,More to have the capacity to love

　　第二个跟大家讲的是我们要分清楚“爱”。我们拥有爱，更要拥有爱的能力。我们相互关系不同的时候，我们能力体现的不同。在夫妻关系的时候，我们爱的能力体现为什么？那就是用一句话说，就是让你爱的人也爱你。这就是夫妻之间的爱的能力。在亲子关系中是什么呢？我们要让孩子感受到我们的爱。并且能够支持到孩子。因为我们的爱能够支持到孩子。对于孩子而言，你告诉他什么，最终要怎么样，你让他接受，接受的前提是他能够感受到你对他的付出，你对他的爱。我们很多家长真的爱孩子，为孩子付出了好多。但是，我们做不到的一点是，如何让孩子能够感受到我们的爱。这不是各位做家长的不好，因为本身一个人要想去影响别人，这非常的难。每一个人呈现状态不是以自己本有的。比如说，我怎么对待我的孩子，都是我想出来的。各位要是这么想就错了。我们每个人呈现出来的状态是源于三个状态，第一，我们的父母用他的方式延续给我们的，我们传承下来的，所以我们从小受的教育是学校教育、家庭教育。其实各位，最重要的父母传承给我们的就是我们的价值观。所以今天老师讲的，其实最重要的是在七岁以前，七岁以前是硬记忆时期，你告诉他什么，他就记住什么，你给他打下什么烙印，他就会留下什么。孩子的价值观是在十七八岁以前形成的。在七岁以前，小学阶段是最重要的。我们很多父母离婚，理由是“必须马上离，因为孩子还小，才两岁，我一定趁着孩子小的时候让孩子不受更多的创伤。”在孩子两岁以前，孩子最重要的是安全感。那个安全感体现为父母，父母就是他的天，他的世界。他饿了，父母就要喂他，他哭了，父母就要哄他。如果他的世界没有了父母，孩子的天就塌下来了。所以在孩子小的时候我们一直认为孩子无所谓，不重要。其实错了，世界心理学大师，把人这一辈子分为八个阶段。但是六岁以前就占了三个阶段。对于孩子而言，给他打下什么、给他种下什么很关键。当孩子特别小的时候我们怎么对待他，这都是很重要的。一个人的状态，呈现的是什么，父母给我们什么。

The second and told everybody is we want to distinguish"love".We have love,More to have the capacity to love.We the relationship between different time,Our ability to reflect different.The relationship between husband and wife in time,We love ability show why?That is in one sentence,Is to let the one you love also loves you.This is the love between husband and wife ability.In the parent-child relationship is what?We want to let children feel our love.And the ability to support to children.Because our love can support to children.For a child to,You tell him,Finally how to,You let him to accept,Accept the premise is he can feel you to his pay,You love for him.Many of our parents really love children,Pay a lot for the child.but,We can't do that,How to let the child can feel our love.It's not your parents' bad,Because itself a person wants to go to influence others,It is very difficult to.Every one with his present condition is not this some.For example,How do I treat my child,Are all I want out.If you think so is wrong.Every one of us present out of the state is rooted in three state,The first,Our parents in his way over to our,We passed down,So we've all been raised by the education is the school education/Family education.In fact you,The most important parents inheritance to us is our values.So today, the teacher said,The most important fact is in the seven years ago,Seven years old was hard memory period,You tell him,He will remember??????,You give him what a brand,He will stay??????.The child's values are in the seventeen years old formation.In the seven years ago,Primary school is the most important.Many of our parents divorce,Reason is"Must be immediately from,Because the child still small,Is only two years old,I must have the little child let the children do not suffer more trauma."In the children two years ago,The child is the most important security.The security embodied in parents,Parents is his day,His world.He was hungry,Parents will feed him,He cried,Parents will coax him.If his world without parents,Children's day fell.So the little child we always think children don't matter,Not important.In fact the wrong,The world master psychology,The person this lifetime is divided into eight stages.But six years ago accounted for three stages.For a child to,Give him lay a??????/Give him what a very key.When a child special small when we treat him,This is very important.A person's status,The present is what,Parents give us.

　　我们小时候什么事情让你印象最深？什么时候开始有记忆。四五岁，为什么两岁多你记不住呢？孩子在母亲的肚子里呆了十个月，给孩子的印象是我跟我妈妈在一起。所以孩子真跟妈亲，因为孩子是母亲身上掉下来的肉。这个孩子是顺着他的母亲的血液流下来的，而她又是顺着她母亲的血液流下来的。所以这个强大的家族的力量是很难突破的，这个力量是非常强大的。当孩子说，我已经出来的时候，他觉得跟母亲是在一起的。他慢慢的有一个分离的过程。什么时候分离了呢？就是四岁。当他真的跟父亲分离了，这个时候才完成真正的形成心理上的。在脐带剪断的那一刹那，是实现了生理上的脱离。到四五岁的时候，才实现了真的分离。当分离出来的时候才出现了这个世界上非常重要的一个字：我。当真的分离出来了，这个时候家长最应该做的不是让孩子上这个班、那个班。是让这个我变得无比强大。人的无比强大是形容自信。自信跟能力没有关系，能力只有不断被肯定、赞美，这个能力才能真的形成自信。各位有可能一辈子很有能力，但是他永远缺乏自信。我们家长在四岁左右的时候到底给孩子做什么，什么体验失败，还是让他经历成功，这是非常关键的。人的状态第一来源于小时候父母给我们的。第二来源于成人，我们现在长大后，我们自己独有的思维模式和我的判断。我们受到特别大打击的时候，遇到特别大挑战的时候，我们儿时养成的一些能力就出来了。为什么我要把它展现出来呢？是因为我们在小时候受过创伤。所以一个人的状态是由这三步来组成的。要想当一个好的妈妈、好的爸爸来教育好我们的孩子，首先我们要认清一点，你不是万能的。过来人能不能给你未来的。我觉得再加上一句，在现在，在某些时候，未来人是引领我们过来人的。我们现在很多时候是不如孩子的。如果我们脑子里固有的，我们是过来人，要引领未来人。我们就把自己视为权威。这就不对，但是我们还需要孩子给我们帮助，我们要尊重孩子，我们要想引领孩子认识到自己的角色，我们不是权威。第二，我们要做好家长，要学会安抚自己。我讲课的时候我不会教你具体的操作，因为所有的孩子都是独一无二的。我告诉你孩子是什么样的，我该怎么办，不管用。因为你的孩子不是这样的。

When we were children we used to what makes you the best impression?When to start has memory.Four or five years old,Why more than two years old you remember?Children in the mother's belly for ten months,Give children the impression that I told my mother together.So the child just like mom kiss,Because the child is the mother that fell from the meat.The child is down his mother's blood flowing down,And she is down her mother's blood flowing down.So the strong family power is hard to breakthrough,This power is very strong.When the boy said,I was out,He felt with mother is together.He slowly have a separation process.When separation?Is four years old.When he really with the father separated,This time to complete the real form psychological.Cut the umbilical cord in the moment,Is to realize the physical from.To four or five years old,To realize the true separation.When the separated when it appeared that the world is a very important one word:I.Serious separation out,This time the parents should do not let the child in the class/The class.Is to let this I became very strong.The extremely strong confidence is described.Confidence and ability no relationship,Only by constantly ability be sure/praise,This ability to really formation confidence.You may have a lifetime very capable,But he never lack of confidence.Our parents in four years old when the children what to do,What experience failure,Or let him success experience,It is very crucial.The state of man first from childhood to our parents.The second from the adult,We are now grew up,Our own unique thinking mode and my judgment.We are particularly big strike,Meet special big challenges,When we made some ability came out.Why do I have to put it show come out?Because we had in childhood trauma.So a person's state is composed of three steps to by this.To be a good mother/Good father to education good our children,First of all we want to recognize a little,You are not everything.A n experienced person can you give your future.I think plus a,In the present,At some time,The future is the leading us a n experienced person.We are now a lot of time is not the child's.If we mind inherent,We are a n experienced person,To lead the future people.We will see themselves as authoritative.It is wrong,But we also need to children give us help,We should respect children,We want to lead the child to realize his own role,We are not authority.The second,We have to do our parents,Learn to calm yourself.My lecture when I won't teach you specific operation,Because all the children is unique.I tell you the child is what kind of,What should I do,No matter use.Because of your child is not such.

　　有一个孩子，做事老爱磨蹭，妈妈是高中老师，非常忙。我问你怎么做的？她说，我回家就跟孩子说，你不许磨蹭，你快点做作业。我做饭的时候就喊你快点写，别磨蹭。我让家长回去做了一个实验：问孩子，二十年后的今天你在哪里？你会和谁在一起，你会穿什么样的衣服？会有什么样的表情？这位妈妈做了回答，第二天她告诉我说孩子都锁了什么。我说这个孩子是“感觉型”的孩子，不是“听觉型”的孩子。可是这位妈妈用的方法是“听觉型”的，对他吼叫、对他嚷。完全是声音的交流。孩子接受不到那么多。因为这不是孩子最接受的方式。我说，你明天这么做：回家以后，依然让孩子回到书房写作业。你什么都不要说，你就在后面紧紧的抱着他，轻轻在耳边说一句，闺女，该写作业了。中间千万别喊快点写，比平常早一点、比正常晚一点，你再过去，还是在孩子后面紧紧抱着他，闺女，该吃饭了。结果再第二天，我还没有找她，她就找我说，老师，不行啊。我刚抱我闺女的时候，我闺女吓了一跳，有点懵了。我第二次告诉闺女，我说闺女该吃饭了，闺女眼泪居然流出来了。我说你的孩子需要的是爱抚、需要的是身体的接触。你没有给孩子，当你的孩子没有力量去反抗的时候，她只能做破坏性的行为，因为只有破坏性的行为才能引起家长的关注。教育孩子真的是简单的事。我们当爹妈的也够难的。所以不要模仿这个方式，不要模仿那个方式。我的闺女考上了北大，是因为我用了我闺女能接受的方法。但是未必适合所有的孩子。我在这里还想说的是，我们家长不要仅仅学招数，我怎么弄孩子，怎么管他，最重要的是练自己的内功，自己的内功就是调整自己的状态。我们老说孩子不听话，其实没有不听话的孩子。我们有时候做实验，当一个人的能量在200以下的时候，站在你面前我就能感受你有什么样的感觉，其实就是你释放给我的能量，每个人都是不同的。我不想跟他们再接近，有的人我就想跟他们拥抱。能量是不同的。人的能量到什么时候才能影响别人呢？就是200以上的正能量，你才能够影响到你的孩子。所以我们家长朋友要怎么做？提升自己、学会安抚自己，让自己的能量提到正能量上。

One child,Things always linger,Mother is a high school teacher,Very busy.I asked what do you do?She said,I came home just like the boy said,You mustn't dillydally,Your homework quickly.I'll cook when they call you hurry writing,Don't linger.I let the parents go back to do an experiment:Ask your child,Twenty years later where are you?You will be and who together,You can wear what kind of clothes?There will be what kind of expression?The mother do the answer,The next day she told me that children are locked the??????.I said the child is"Feeling type"children,not"auditory"children.But the mother of the method is to use"auditory"of,For he roar/For he rang.Is completely voice communication.Children to accept less than so much.Because this is not the most acceptable way children.I said,Tomorrow you to do so:After coming home,Still let the child returned to his study homework.You don't say anything,You are behind tight embrace him,Gently whispering say,girl,This writing homework.Intermediate don't shout hurry writing,A little earlier than usual/A little later than normal,You again in the past,Or in the child clung to the behind him,girl,It's time to have dinner.Results again the next day,I haven't find her,She is looking for I said,The teacher,no.I just hug me of her time,I the girl a scare,A bit into a cocked hat.The second time I told the girl,I said the girl should have a meal,The girl tears incredibly flows.I said you children need is a caress/Need is body contact.You don't give the child,When your child has no power to resist time,She can only do the destructive behavior,Because only destructive behavior can cause the attention of parents.Education child really is the simple things.We when dad? S also hard enough.So don't imitate this way,Don't imitate the way.My daughter went to Peking University,Because I use my girl can accept method.But may not be suitable for all the children.Here I want to say is,Our parents don't just learning way,How do I get the child,How to tube he,The most important thing is practice their own internal work,Their own internal work is to adjust their own state.We old say children not obedient,When there is no not obedient child.We sometimes do the experiment,When a person's energy in 200 when the following,Stand in front of you I can feel you what kind of feeling,Is actually you released to my energy,Everyone is different.I don't like them to close,Some people I want to hug them.Energy is different.People's energy to when then can influence others?Is more than 200 positive energy,You can affect your children.So we parents friends to want to do?Improve yourself/Learn to handle their,Let own energy mentioned on positive energy.