搜狐教育主持人： Sohu education host:接下来有请最后一位讲座老师中国青少年研究会副秘书长曹萍。

Next please welcome the last lecture teacher China youth research association deputy secretary-general CaoPing.

曹萍【中国青少年研究会副秘书长】： CaoPing[China youth research association deputy secretary-general]:各位家长朋友大家好，受新东方和搜狐的邀请，在这里跟大家分享真的是蛮高兴的一件事情。当然今天还有一个额外的高兴，就是能够跟学生同台分享家庭教育。刘称莲真的是在我们整个学习过程中非常用心的，每一次老师讲到一些专业知识，怎么跟孩子沟通，她都会联想到她的孩子，她在学习过程中就是去总结、去想我到底应该怎么做。所以她真的是一个我们这个项目、我们这个事业值得骄傲的。

All parents and friends everybody is good,By new Oriental and sohu invitation,Here share with you is really pretty happy a thing.Of course, today there is an additional happy,Is the same with the students can share the family education.Liu says Ephraim is really in our the whole learning process very attentively,Every time the teacher talked about some professional knowledge,How to communicate with children,She will be associated with her children,She in the learning process is to summarize/To think that I what should I do.So she really is a we this project/Our business to be proud of.

　　因为我一直有一个梦想，中国的家庭教育到底怎么走，这不是我们能考虑的，我想考虑，但是也不是我能作主的。所以我就在想，我能为中国的家庭教育做一些什么呢？这么多年我来就感觉，我们家长太缺乏专业的指导了。如果我们能在中国的家庭教育市场上培养出一批专业的作者，能够培养出一批专业的教育服务队伍，那是对家长的贡献，也是对家长最大福音。所以十年前我们开始在做这个培训，刘称莲很有幸，一开始是为了自己的闺女，走进了这样一个课堂，我们现在已经成为了很好的朋友。

Because I always have a dream,Chinese family education what go,It is not we can consider,I want to consider,But it is not up to me to the Lord.So I think,I can help China's family education do some what?So many years I came to feel,We parents too lack of the professional guidance.If we can in the Chinese family education market cultivate a group of professional author,To cultivate a group of professional education service team,That is a parent's contribution,For parents is also the largest Gospel.So ten years ago that we started doing this training,Liu says lotus was lucky enough to be involved,The beginning is to own the girl,Walked into a classroom,We now have become very good friends.

　　刚才刘称莲讲的过程中我很欣慰。我还有一个非常想跟她分享的，用一句话把她自己今天要讲的东做一个解释：我今天讲的是我个人，这只是一个个案，这是非常重要的一个观点。经验是不可复制的，刘称莲的女儿在刘称莲和她先生的培养之下成功了。但是未必你用她的方法能够培养自己的孩子。每个孩子都是不同的。所以刘称莲今天能够把这个观点提出来，我感觉她很踏实，很科学。那么下面我要在半个小时的时间里跟大家分享什么呢？

Just liu says the process of Ephraim speak I am very happy.I have a very want to share with her,Use one word she want to talk today east do an explanation:Today, I speak is my personal,This is just a case,This is a very important point of view.Experience is not duplicate,Liu said the daughter of Ephraim in liu called Ephraim and her husband under the cultivation of success.But not you with her method can cultivate their children.Every child is different.So Ephraim liu said today can make this view out,I feel she is very practical,A very scientific.I want to be in the next half an hour of time share with you what?

一、教育孩子首先要搞清楚的问题：和谐家庭关系 a/Education child must first make clear question:Harmonious family relationship

　　第一，我们教育孩子要清晰家庭关系，甚至这个关系是一个系统的关系。我们每个人来到这个世界上，我们有很多事情要做。但是很重要的一个事情就是我们要成家，我们要找另一个人跟他集合成一个家庭，集合家庭我们要传承下一个生命，这就是星火相传，所以在生命中，构成整个社会系统很重要一个基础就是一个家庭不变的铁三角。父亲、母亲，子女。大家看到一个方框表示的时候是男性，圆圈是女性。在这个铁三角中没有任何力量能够改变它。在这个铁三角的关系中有两个关系：夫妻关系、亲子关系。

The first,Our education children to clear family relationship,Even the relationship is a relationship system.Every one of us come to this world,We have a lot of things to do.But it is an important thing is that we want to start a family,We want to find another man with his set into a family,Set the family we want to inheriting the next life,This is the spark to generation,So in life,Constitute the whole social system is very important a foundation is a family constant iron triangle.father/mother,children.You see a box is the representation of men,Circle are women.In this iron triangle no force can change it.In this iron triangle relationship has two relations:Spousal relationship/parenthood.

　　我们今天要谈的是亲子关系，要想谈亲子关系，一定要谈夫妻关系。因为亲子关系的好与坏是受父亲和母亲的影响。在这里面还有一点需要注意的，这铁三角是永远不变的。但是现在社会变化很快，人的情感需求也是不同的。是不是有可能这一块又出现了一个父亲呢？是有可能的。有没有可能这快又出现一个母亲呢？也是有可能的。不管什么原因，比如说父母逝世、或者发生意外，不管什么原因，有可能会出现这两个人物，这两个人物一出现的时候，我们这个关系就变得及其的复杂。老百姓有一句话：后妈难当。后妈要扮演母亲的角色、承担母亲的责任，但是这个后妈永远不能侵占亲妈的位置。这个后妈只跟父亲发生了关系，但是并没有跟这个孩子发生关系。我说的“关系”是家庭中的关系。所以在汶川地震的时候，很多人给我打电话说特别想收养一个孩子，但是我心里实在不太想。这个咱们可以另外谈，但是我想问你一个问题，你们如果收养这个孩子，你们打算告不告诉他实情？他们说不打算。所以我们想好了，就收养一个很小的、不懂的。我说，如果你要这么认为的话，不打算把这个实情告诉孩子，你来充当孩子亲生父母的位置，我建议你不要收养，你可以助养。因为在这个世界上，没有任何一个人能够替代这个孩子亲生父母的位置。包括林青霞，她跟她丈夫结婚，她花了很大的心思来对待她丈夫之前的孩子。这个女人受到的压力在现实生活中更多的是源于孩子的压力，女方原生家庭的压力。很多电影里都出现了，这个姥姥怎么对待外孙女？真的是对这个女的会有很多的想法。所以这个女的做成什么样是很难做到的。所以在这里面，这是铁三角永远不变的。作为一个家铁三角中，父亲和母亲永远要考虑，我们到底给孩子什么。最重要的就是你给他一个完整的家。因为很多孩子面对父母的离异最大的困惑是什么？生病、不好好学习、打架，他想方设法的用不好的现象和行为引起你的重视，引起你的关注。因为当父母离开的时候，孩子就感觉他不存在了。这个孩子之所以能够存在，唯一的原因就是：他是妈妈爸爸的结晶。所以当父母一旦分开的时候，他就感觉到他不存在了。

Today we are going to talk about is parentage,If you want to talk about parenthood,Must talk about relationship between husband and wife.Parent-child relationship good and bad is affected by his father and mother's influence.In this inside and a little note,This iron triangle is forever.But now social change soon,Human emotion demand is also different.The possibility of this one and there was a father??Is possible.Is it possible that fast and the emergence of a mother??Is possible.Whatever the reason,For example parents died/Or accident,Whatever the reason,Might be this two characters,This two characters a appeared,We the relationship becomes and complex.There is a common people:Stepmother crushed.Stepmother to play the role of the mother/Assume the responsibility of the mother,But the stepmother never encroach on close mama of position.The stepmother only with the father happened relationship,But with the child and no relationship.I said"relationship"Is the family relationship.So in the wenchuan earthquake,Many people make a phone call to me said special want to the adoption of a child,But my heart really don't feel like.This we can talk about another,But I want to ask you a question,If you adopt the child,Are you going to tell not to tell him the truth?They say don't intend to.So we want to good,Will adopt a very small/Don't understand.I said,If you want to think so words,Not going to put this the truth tell children,You have to act as a child the position of the biological parents,I suggest that you don't adoption,You can sponsor.Because in this world,No one can replace the child the position of the biological parents.Including Lin qingxia,Her marriage with her husband,She spent a lot of thoughts to treat her husband before children.The woman was pressure in real life, are more rooted in the child's pressure,The primary family pressure.Many movies have appeared,The grandmother granddaughter how treat?Really is to the woman will have a lot of ideas.So the woman what make it is very hard to do.So in this inside,This is the iron triangle forever.As a home in the iron triangle,Father and mother will never want to consider,What are we give the child??????.The most important thing is you give him a complete family.Because many children in the face of the parents' divorce the biggest confusion is what?sick/Don't study hard/fight,He tried to use the bad phenomena and behavior cause your attention,Cause your attention.Because when parents left,The child had a feeling he doesn't exist.The children are able to exist,The only reason is that:He is the crystallization of mom and dad.So when parents once separate time,He felt he did not exist.

　　在所有关系中，人来到这个世上有五大关系，上下级、朋友、兄弟姐妹、夫妻和夫子。这五大关系中最难处的就是夫妻关系。第一，它最最脆弱，一张纸让你们俩有了关系，一张纸也可能让你们俩没了这个关系。当你们没了这个关系的时候，你们又各自可以组成你们自己新的家。所以你们俩真的就没有关系了。但是，这只是从形式上来讲的，没有孩子还可以，但是一旦有了孩子，虽然没有了实质性的夫妻关系，但是夫妻两个人，这个“妈”、“爸”就永远是合伙人。只要存在，你们就要共同来面对。第二，夫妻关系是最直接的，所有的人与人关系中，哪有一个像夫妻关系这么近的？真的是灵与肉的结合，什么时候都暴露在对方面前。同时，夫妻关系又是最复杂的。夫妻关系看似是两个人的关系，实际上两个人结合，不是这样简单的。表面上是“两个人”的结合，但每个人背后都带着自己原生的家庭。所以夫妻之间吵架了根本就不是大事，但是吵的很热闹。有一对夫妻，妻子回家就告诉他，明天去我妈家。丈夫说，你不是说好明天定桌子去吗？不去，先去我妈家。你什么意思？你哥怎么又出事了？你去不去？去去去。就咱们去啊？妻子说我们家都去，我姐她们也去。丈夫说了，真没有见过你们家这么热心的。妻子急了，你以为都像你们家似的，一个个都是冷血动物。这就开始吵起来了。谁错了？没有，但是为什么会有这么大的冲突呢？不是两个人的事情，是两个原生家庭的事情。两个原生家庭倡导的文化，很显然，丈夫家就这样，各过各的，自己过自己的，相安无事。很显然妻子家就瞬间有点事全都紧密连接。这是两个原生家庭的冲突。所以，夫妻关系的复杂性就在于，是带着两个大的原生家庭。所以，夫妻之间好与坏，受原生家庭的影响。

In all relationships,People came to this world have five big relationship,hierarchy/friends/Brothers and sisters/Couples and master.The five relations the most difficulty is husband and wife relationship.The first,It is the most fragile,A piece of paper let you two have relations,A piece of paper may also let you two don't have the relationship.When you have no the relations,And you can form your own their new home.So you guys really there is no relationship.but,This is only in the form of terms,No child still can,But as soon as the child,Although do not have the substantive relationship,But the husband and wife two people,this"mom"/"dad"It is always a partner.As long as there is a,You will work together to face.The second,Husband and wife relationship is the most direct,All the people in the relationship,Where there is a like spousal relationship so near?Really is the combination of the spirit and the flesh,When exposed to the other party in front.At the same time,Husband and wife relationship is the most complex.Husband and wife relationship seemingly is two person's relations,In fact the two combination,Not so simple.Surface is"Two people"Combination of,But behind everyone with their original family.So the husband and wife fight between the fundamental is not big,But noisy very lively.There are a pair of husband and wife,His wife told him to go home,Tomorrow my mother home.Her husband and said,You not is say good tomorrow to set the table?Don't go to,Go to my mother home.What do you mean?How do your brother and had an accident?You will go?Go to go to.Just let's go ah?The wife say we go home,They also went to my elder sister.The husband said,Really have not seen your house so enthusiastic.His wife nasty,Do you think as you like home,One by one all are cold-blooded.This is beginning to noisy up.Who was wrong?no,But why is there so much conflict?Not two personal things,Are the two primary family things.Two primary family advocating culture,obviously,Husband home so,All over each,They own,peaceful.Obviously his wife home is instant a little things have close connection.These are two primary family conflict.so,The complexity of the relationship between husband and wife is that,Is with two big primary family.so,Between husband and wife is good or bad,By primary family influence.

　　所以，我们要想真的教育好孩子，我们首先要把这几个关系理清楚。该发生的已经发生了，没有办法，我们要学会接纳。当你发现你接纳这些东西的时候，你接纳了他原生家庭东西的时候，奇迹会出现了。这是我所说的在教育孩子的时候，第一要把家庭关系分清楚。

so,We want to really education good boy,The first thing we will give this several relations reason clear.What has happened,There is no way,We should learn to accept.When you see that you accept these things,You accepted his primary family things,There will be a miracle.This is what I said in the education of children,First the family relationship points clear.