当我们听到一个5岁的男孩对4岁的女孩说：“我要和你结婚。”我们会一笑了之，觉得他们很有童趣。但当发现一个中学生两性交往时，家长就变得手足无措，变得纠结，甚至恐惧。家长的这些心理变化，是因为孩子“变坏”了吗？还是父母对孩子的性教育没有做好准备？是怕孩子在两性交往中受到伤害？还是没有教会孩子怎样保护自己？

When we heard a 5 year old boy of four years old girl said:"I want to marry you."We will laugh it off,Feel that they have a lot of tong qu.But when found a middle school student gender interaction,Parents become overwhelmed,Become ravel,Even fear.The parents of these psychological change,Because children"bad"??Or the parents and children of sex education not ready?Is afraid of the child in both sexes relations hurt?Or not to teach children how to protect myself?

　　趁着寒假，记者请专家为家长们补补课，从生理和心理多个方面，解读中学生眼中的“性”，以期望家长们不再纠结，不再惧怕，以更好的心态，面对孩子“成长的烦恼”。

The winter vacation,Reporters asked an expert to parents fill make up a missed lesson,From the physiological and psychological multiple aspects,Reading in middle school students"sex",To expect parents no longer entanglements,No longer fear,To better state of mind,In the face of the child"Growing pains".

　　

1、孩子为何要看色情片？ 1/Why do children watch porn slice?

　　近日，网上有两则小新闻：一个是李女士无意中看到女儿手机中的一条短信：“你还是处女吗？”李女士心急如焚。另一个是一位家长在家里的电脑上发现了儿子下载的色情片，她有些尴尬，随手就点了“删除键”，但事后难免有些纠结：“删了还能重新下载。如果把事情挑明，儿子面子上挂不住。如何是好？”

recently,There are two small online is news:One is ms. Li oversee the daughter of a mobile phone message:"You are still a virgin?"Ms. Li worried.The other one is a parent at home computer found son download pornographic film,She is some awkward,Point with the"Delete key",But after the hard to avoid some ravel:"Deleted can also download again.If the TiaoMing things,Son of face is not hanged.How to do?"

　　看完这两则小新闻，我们就知道，即便是在相对“OPEN”的现代社会，我们的父母对于孩子的性意识、两性交往依旧是那么的纠结和手足无措。

Read the small news,We know that,Even in relatively"Open"Modern society,Our parents for the child's sex consciousness/Gender communication is still so entanglements and overwhelmed.

　　“这名家长认为儿子不应该看色情片，可她有没有想过，儿子为什么看色情片，儿子是因为有看色情片的需要所以才看。”河南省实验中学心理教师张焕云说，我们的父母在养育孩子的时候，尤其在孩子处于青春期的时候，要更多地学习一些帮助孩子度过青春期的方法引导孩子。

"A parents think the son should not watch porn slice,But she had to think,Why did the son see porn slice,Son because a watch porn slice needs so will see."Henan experimental middle school teachers' psychological ZhangHuanYun said,Our parents in raising a child,Especially in children in adolescence when,Do more to learn some help children through adolescence method guide your child.

　　孩子到高中已进入青春懵懂阶段，他们在生理上已经成熟，但性心理的发展速度没有跟上性生理的发展，造成了很多高中生对性的困惑、好奇、自责、内疚。社会、家庭、学校很难给孩子提供正当的渠道，了解正确的性知识、两性交往方法，及时进行性心理的辅导。

The child to high school has entered the stage of youth ignorant,They are physically has matured,But the psychological development speed has not kept up with the development of the physiological,Caused a lot of high school students to sexual confusion/curious/era/guilty.social/family/The school is hard to give their children proper channels,Understand the proper sexual knowledge/Gender communication method,Timely progressive psychological counseling.

　　

2、影响最大的是孩子对恋爱的自责 2/Is the greatest impact on children love era

　　高中生对性知识和性交往充满了好奇与神秘，他们了解性生理知识的途径大都通过网络，大多数都是看成人影片和图片，性心理的发展缺乏引导。

High school students to sexual knowledge and sexual communication is filled with curiosity and mysterious,They understand physiological knowledge way through most of the network,Most people are as film and pictures,The psychological development of the lack of guidance.

　　张焕云说，一些孩子谈恋爱，是因为在家庭里感觉不到父母的爱，所以才在同龄人中找关心找爱。还有一部分学生在学业上遇到压力和挫折，没有得到父母的关心和支持，也容易找一个舒缓压力的方式，那就可能寻找异性的关心或者看一些不健康的网站或者谈恋爱。

ZhangHuanYun said,Some of the children fall in love,Because in the family feel the love of parents,So we find care in their peers to find love.There are some students in the school are under pressure and frustration,Don't get attention and support from their parents,Also easy to find a way to relieve stress,That might find the opposite sex concern or see some unhealthy website or fall in love.

　　在咨询的过程中，张焕云经常遇到高中的学生和她诉说学习的压力，然后又说“老师，我恋爱了”。接着又说自己是多么的自责，觉得恋爱耽误了学习，可是自己又不能控制自己。其实，最终对高中生学习的影响较大的，不是恋爱本身而是对恋爱的自责。

In the process of consultation,ZhangHuanYun often meet with senior high school students and she complained of study pressure,Then said"The teacher,I'm in love.".Then said he is how of remorse,Think love delay of learning,But his and can't control myself.In fact,Ultimately for high school students learning more influential,It's not being in love itself but the love era.

　　因此，张焕云给高中生父母一些建议，当我们的父母看到孩子和异性发的短信的时候，很惊诧，怎么会这样，这是因为他们不了解自己的孩子，这时候已经发出信号，你该多了解了解自己的孩子了，了解孩子是引导、帮助孩子的前提。

so,ZhangHuanYun for high school students to my parents for some advice,When we see the parents of children with the opposite sex when hair of message,Very surprised,how,This is because they don't know their children,At that time have signal,You should know more about their children,Understand that the child is a guide/To help the child's premise.

　　比如，可以多陪孩子一起看一些文艺文学书籍或电影，和孩子一起探讨两性交往、爱情、生活、人生，帮助孩子树立正确的人生观和爱情观。当孩子主动谈起关于性的话题时，不要羞于启齿，要正常地回答孩子的提问。让孩子了解正确的性知识、把性和两性交往都看做是一种很自然的事情，消除孩子对性和两性交往的神秘心理。

Such as,Can accompany the children watch some literary literature books or movies,And children explore the gender communication/love/life/life,Help children to set up the correct outlook on life and love.When a child active about sexual topics,Don't shy,Want a normal child to answer questions.Let the child understand the proper sexual knowledge/The sex and gender interactions as a very natural thing,To eliminate child sex and gender communication mysterious psychological.

　　

3、青春期发育是一种最正常的状态 3/Puberty is one of the most normal state

　　“青春期发育是孩子成长的必由过程。家长可以用更好的方式和心态面对孩子的‘性’问题了。”郑大三附院生长发育门诊副主任医师王伟说。

"Puberty is the child grow the will by the process.Parents can use a better way and attitude in the face of the child‘sex’The problem."Establishing affiliated hospital outpatient service ZhengDaSan growth of doctor of vice director of wang wei said.

　　在孩子的青春期，随着内分泌因素的诱导，身体发生许多引人注目的变化，最明显的改变是骨骼生长加速和第二性征的发育。青春期还有一个重大的心理变化就是出现性欲，并出现多种多样的与性欲有关的心理活动，如怎样去认识爱情，处理性意识、性行为等。

In the child's adolescence,Along with the endocrine factors induced,The body happen many dramatic change,The most obvious change is bone growth acceleration and the development of secondary sex characteristics.Adolescence and a major psychological change, there is sexual desire,And there is a wide variety of related with sexual psychological activity,Such as how to know love,Place rational consciousness/Sexual behavior.

　　一旦青春期萌动，生殖系统的发育又特别迅速，那么，在性发育过程中到底有哪些变化呢？

Once the adolescence bud,Of the reproductive system and special quickly,so,In sexual development process how? What changes?

　　女孩青春期发育一般从9~10岁开始，乳房开始发育，12岁左右，部分女孩开始出现月经初潮，一直到16~17岁时，发育接近成熟。男孩进入青春期比女孩一般晚两年左右，在16岁左右，部分男孩开始出现“首次遗精”，以后每隔十天半月会再次遗精。

The girl puberty generally from 9 ~ 10 years old start,Breast buding,About 12 years,Part of the girls menarche began to appear,Have been to 16 ~ 17 years old,Development close to maturity.Boys than girls puberty generally late two years or so,In 16 years old,Part of the boy began to appear"First spermatorrhea",After every ten days and a half months will again emission.

　　所以，面对这些“挡不住”的自然现象，王伟说，家长要做的是，多了解孩子，做一个好的引导者，帮助孩子走过他们这段最重要的人生时期。

so,In the face of these"stop"Natural phenomena,Wang wei said,Parents have to do is,Know more children,Being a good guide,Help children through the period of the most important life period.

　　

4、性心理问题太多，家长如何才能不纠结？ 4/The psychological problem too much,How can parents do not ravel?

　　有关性心理的咨询，共青团郑州市委12355青少年服务中心的心理专家最有发言权。该中心主任、心理专家袁林方称，他们在日常的热线接听中，大多数的心理问题与性有关。在“性”的问题上，基本上每个人在成长的过程中都会遇到困扰。性本身并不具有危害性，之所以会出问题，可能是对现实的不满意，可能是生活或学习的压力太大，也可能是社会功能不足、交往不足，因此能量无法释放，作用在自己身上。

The psychological consultation,Zhengzhou municipal committee of the communist youth league 12355 youth service center psychological experts say most.The director of the center/Psychological experts YuanLinFang says,In their daily hotline in answer,Most of the psychological problems related to sex.in"sex"On the question of,Basically everyone in the process of growing up will meet trouble.Sex itself is not are harmful,Can be a problem,May is not satisfied with the reality,May be life or learning too much pressure,Also may be insufficient social function/Lack of communication,So energy cannot be released,Role in yourself.

　　在团市委12355青少年服务中心的咨询记录本上可以看到，各种各样的性心理问题让我们深有感触。

In pku 12355 youth service center consulting descriptions can see,All kinds of psychological problems that let us.

　　“某女，13岁，因恋爱问题被老师在班里当众批评，情绪失控。”

"Some female,13 years old,Because love problem is the teacher in class in public criticism,Emotions out of control."

　　“杨女士，儿子，初一，发现孩子手淫，很焦虑。”

"Ms Yang,son,month,Discover the child masturbation,anxious."

　　“黄女士，儿子，初二，经常把妈妈和姐姐的丝袜偷拿到自己房间。”

"Ms wong,son,there,Often the mother and sister's stockings steal to his room."

　　“某同学，男，18岁，看到母亲和人偷情，很生气，不理解，后常到女厕所偷窥，正在读高三，无法学习。”

"A classmate,male,Eighteen years old,See mother and people amour,Very angry,Don't understand,Often after the ladies room peeping,Are read three,Cannot learn."

　　为了帮助更多的家长了解孩子对性的问题，袁林方主任就自己接待过的咨询给我们提供了几个代表性的案例，并提出了合理化建议。

In order to help more parents understand children to sex,YuanLinFang director he received consulting provides us with a few typical cases,And puts forward reasonable Suggestions.

　　

5、捅破了更难收场 5/Tong broke harder to end

　　最近，小于的父亲发现她和男朋友同居后特别生气，对小于大发脾气。难堪的小于索性摊牌：“我就是喜欢和他睡觉！我没朋友，压力大，这种方式能让我释放。”

recently,Less than father found out that she and her boyfriend after together very angry,For less than to lose your temper.Embarrassment of less than simply showdown:"I just like to sleep with him!I don't have friends,pressure,This way can let me release."

　　专家分析：小于所处的时代使她的价值观、恋爱观、婚姻观都和父辈迥然不同，“压力大”、“没朋友”就是她认为再简单不过的同居的理由，根本不去考虑将来的婚姻、父母的感受、别人的看法。

Expert analysis:Less than at that time her values/love/Marriage is very different and parents,"pressure"/"Without a friend"Is she thinks again simple but with reason,Don't go to think of the future of marriage/Parents feel/The view of others.

　　建议：父母发现孩子有性幻想、性好奇、发生边缘性行为或发生实质性行为，如果没有造成特别严重的后果，家长先不要口不择言，甚至动怒动武。父母首先要做的是，尊重孩子的隐私，不要当面揭穿。如果捅破了，也不能有效地解决，只能让问题变得更糟。

Suggestions:Parents find child sexual fantasy/Sex curiosity/Happen marginality behavior or the occurrence of material behavior,If there is no special cause serious consequences,Parents don't give mouth don't choose the speech,Even angry assault.The first thing to do is to parents,Respect your child's privacy,Do not expose to.If tong broke,Can effectively solve,Will only make problems worse.

　　

5、动起来才能静下去 5/Move to quiet down

　　初中三年级的小刚家是复式楼，小刚住二楼，房间有电脑，父母住一楼，经常很忙顾不上他。小刚不久前上网看到一些黄色网站，一发不可收拾。小刚说：“我知道这样不好，可是一个人时就会忍不住。”

Junior middle school three year xiao gang home is compound floor,Xiao gang live on the second floor,The room has a computer,Parents live on the first floor,Often very busy to him.Xiao gang recently on the Internet to see some yellow web site,Spiralling out of control.Xiao gang said:"I know that this is not good,But a person can't help."

　　专家分析：父母忙，小刚压力大、生活单一，交往狭窄，独处的机会多，房间里有电脑，频繁手淫会给身体和学习造成负面影响。

Expert analysis:Parents busy,Xiao gang stressed/The single life,Communication narrow,Alone more opportunities,The room has a computer,Frequent masturbation can bring to the body and learning cause negative effect.

　　建议：青春期的孩子，家长要培养孩子不锁门的好习惯，电脑尽量放到客厅里，多陪伴孩子；青春期的孩子正处于学习的重要时期，压力大、能量大，多参加体育活动，爬楼梯、跑步、做些家务，都能够释放掉多余的能量。不要让孩子太过安静，表面上的安静掩饰不了躁动的心。要多让孩子动起来，才能真正静下去。

Suggestions:Adolescence children,Parents should cultivate the good habit of children don't lock the door,The computer as far as possible in the sitting room,Accompany children more than;Adolescence children is in an important period of study,pressure/energy,To take part in sports activities,Climb stairs/running/Do some housework,To be able to release the energy of the redundant.Don't let the child too quiet,On the surface of a quiet can not hide the restless heart.Let the children to move,Can we truly goes down.

　　

7、孩子5岁要分床睡 7/5 years old children to divide a bed to sleep

　　小丽上高一，家长称小丽学习状态不好，经常上课睡觉。原来，小丽八九岁时还和父母睡一个床，有时半夜睡醒，发现父母在行“夫妻之事”，她大脑中总是各种疯狂的性幻想。

Small beautiful in senior one,Parents say small beautiful learning condition is bad,Often sleeping in the class.The original,Small beautiful when eight or nine years old and their parents sleep a bed,Sometimes wake up in the middle of the,Parents found in"Of husband and wife",Her brain is always all kinds of crazy sex fantasy.

　　专家分析：跟父母同睡，孩子生活在紧张、好奇的心态中，小丽怎会有阳光的心态，怎会有正常的发展？

Expert analysis:Slept with their parents,Children living in tension/Curious mentality,Small beautiful how can the sunshine state of mind,How can have normal development?

　　建议：小孩在5岁左右就应该和父母分床，父母在孩子面前行为要检点，换衣服、洗澡都要注意避开异性子女，比如有的男孩子到了中学时洗澡还让母亲搓背，母亲要有意识拒绝，让父亲来做这些事情。

Suggestions:Children in 5 years old and their parents should divide a bed,Parents in front of children behavior to check,Change clothes/Take a shower all should pay attention to avoid the opposite sex children,For example, some boys high school to take a shower still let mother laid back,Mother to conscious refused,Let father to do these things.

　　

8、孩子，请正确认识性 and/children,Please correct recognition

　　袁林方建议青少年：性是和吃饭、睡觉一样的生理需求，性可以是爱情的升华，也可以和爱没有任何关系。不要因为爱一个人过早地发生性行为，把性作为交换和赌注是不可取的。

YuanLinFang suggest teenagers:Sex is to eat and/Sleep physiological needs,Sex is the sublimation of love,Can also and love without any relationship.Don't because of love a person prematurely sexual behavior,The sex in exchange and bet is not advisable.

　　青春期后出现性好奇、性冲动、性幻想都正常，要接纳自己的变化，成熟需要一个过程，过度接触与性有关的信息、过早发生性关系都会对身体造成影响。建议未成年人树立远大的理想，多接触有益的人和物，多做有意义的事情，将自己的兴趣点放在更多更美好的事情上，就可以淡化性好奇。

After puberty appear sex curiosity/Sex drive/Sex fantasy is normal,To accept change,Mature need a process,Excessive contact and sex related information/Early sex influence, can cause to the body.Suggest minors to set up the lofty ideal,Contact the beneficial things and people,To do more meaningful things,Their interest points on the more wonderful things,Can desalt sex curiosity.